Had a horrible night and scared it will happen again

[unsurehowtorespond]

I’ve been struggling hugely with panic attacks lately . GP has referred me onto community mental health team as I’ve a diagnosis of cptsd, he said I should get therapy like EMDR but also might get access to mental health nursing; OT etc .

Yesterday I had a horrible episode about 4pm where my heart suddenly felt like it was bursting out my chest, racing, sweating . Stopped; and then happened again at 5, and then three or four more times through til last one at 9. I take propranolol (40mg x 3 a day) so a bit strange that this could still happen .

The one at nine scared the shit of me, everything went funny like I was underwater; couldn’t move my legs, couldn’t get a breath, felt like I was passing out . I rang 999 in a panic and they sent an ambulance out / as concerned it was a cardiac event - which arrived at 2am.

Ambulance took me to hospital, hospital did ECG/troponin etc which they said was all totally normal . Doctor came round and said I’ve a viral thing - pressed my belly and I nearly hit the roof, she said not sure what I’m brewing but definitely a virus of some sort, and that what happened at 9 was probably another panic attack . Said bloods are off with infection markers up and I’ve got swollen glands everywhere - neck/groin and underarms .

They said all my ECGs are very normal - I’ve had six this year, three within the last week … said I should be reassured by that, but I have horrendous anxiety (to the point of obsession) around my heart . Due to family history (3 out of 4 direct relatives all with heart disease) I have to get cardiac work up every 2-3 years or so anyway (usually ECG echo snd sometimes treadmill); that’s all due and I’m absolutely terrified something awful will happen in the meantime . Hospital said they highly doubt, she said if I had heart disease making me that ill they’d be seeing or hearing something on examination and they aren’t .

Posted too soon 😫, anyway I’m absolutely terrified I’ll have another ‘attack’, I’ve been asleep since I got home at 8.30 but I’m so worried and scared . I’ve had a long long week snd maybe it’s all just catching up with me but it’s bloody horrible .

It’s not realistic to think I should do everything in my power to avoid another one is it - I mean I’m even sitting scared to go through the house in case I trigger it again ? If it’s panic attacks as they say I suppose key is trying to keep going even if they happen again .

It's not surprising that the onset of a virus can make you "wobble" with anxiety even though you are normally stable on medication.

It does sound like your heart has been thoroughly checked out, if ECG and bloods are ok.

What do you normally do to help yourself through anxious periods?

Sorry I haven't any more constructive advice, other than try not to go down the worrying about your worries route.

I understand exactly how you feel, @unsurehowtorespond. I too have really bad heart focused anxiety and have had periods in my life where I can't do anything for fear of triggering attacks.

I have periods of feeling better for a few weeks and then I spiral again and have a really rough period. Even though I know I have panic attacks, I still can't ever truly believe the one I'm stuck in at that moment isn't my heart. I can never quite believe the doctors when they say my test results are normal. I never trust I'm okay and healthy. It doesn't help that symptoms shift, so for a while it was chest pain and breathlessness, then arm pain and palpitations and now I currently have numbness and dizziness.

I wish I could make it all go away. I've had CBT several times and it helps for short bursts but then I seem to go back to where I started. Like you I also have several risk factors for heart disease so that's always in the back of my head, a little nagging voice telling me I could die at any moment.

I'm sorry I have no advice, but I hope you feel a little better knowing you're not alone. Logically, if your ECGs are normal it's highly unlikely that anything is going to happen in the immediate future so try and relax today and get your strength (physical and mental) up. Best of luck

I had exactly the same issue about 15 years ago — heart feeling as if it was about to burst, irregular beats, history in family of heart disease, rushed to hospital, ECG etc. For me, once it was clear there was nothing wrong with my heart and I was having severe palpitations during panic attacks, I found them much easier to deal with. GP also prescribed beta- blockers short term, which helped with the palpitations.

Panic attacks are hell aren't they. I suggest you read up as much as you can about them. It's a physiological response to automatic You did nothing to cause it; and however terrifying the panic attack feels it WILL WEAR OFF and won't cause you any physical harm at all.

I recommend to devise some response messages to yourself; and write each one down on a card. The aim of the message is to remind you , you are safe, it will pass; and provide a distraction activity. Keep a card by the bed, or anywhere else where you experience the PA. It could be something like

  " I am  in control . I  am going to  sit up  and put on the radio".
   " I am perfectly safe , I'm going to make a cup of tea "
  "This will pass;  so I'm going to brush my hair 100 times and wait".
   "All is well,  lets do  my breathing excercise "  
    "  I've been here before and  I'll be fine when I've coloured in this design".  

The distractions sound like tiny actions ... except to anyone who has ever experienced how utterly paralysing these panics are.

When it starts, reach out slowly, pick up your card and read or sing the reassurance message aloud , as often as you want, as long as it takes until you can make a move to do the distraction.

that should read "automatic changes in your body chemistry and your body clock"

I could have written this myself OP.

I'm 40, obese and planned my rare days out around being close to defibrillators.

Luckily I had a brilliant phone call with a GP and he calculated my risk and said "its really very low, if you had been having heart attacks then, bluntly, you'd be dead by now". It shocked me but made me laugh. I did have a catacholamine test to check that the surges were not due to adrenaline flooding due to a tumour or something.

I changed my lifestyle because it was becoming unbearable. I was pacing, having panic attacks and just really suffering despite not feeling sort of obviously worried about something if you know what I mean.

I gave up caffeine. I took up walking and being outside for AT LEAST half an hour every single day. It took a few weeks but I then basically woke up one day feeling really quite good! I am convinced that the walking (and modest weight loss) tipped me back into a sort of credit state instead of an awful physical and emotional debt.

Sorry for the late reply , it helps to realise I’m not alone . I’ve basically sat since Saturday waiting on the next attack, as stupid as it sounds . I’m in uni and screwing things up a bit, my coursework is OK but everything else is falling apart. I lost my bank card, so waiting on replacement arriving - I can use Apple Pay/my mums card details meantime but I’m struggling hugely . Getting Tesco delivered tomorrow . Tried to get a deliveroo this afternoon but have to walk up to the street to get it, they aren’t allowed near halls of residence, and I’m too scared to walk the 500 metres as stupid as it sounds, in case I have an attack out there and can’t get back to my room quickly enough . So not eating brilliantly which won’t help at all .

The one on Friday was so overpowering snd all consuming that I’m terrified to do anything in case it happens again, I’ve only had a few attacks like that before and the last one before was a year ago - it’s like a funny feeling in my chest and then an overwhelming sensation that I’m dying there and then .

I need to tell uni welfare how I’m feeling I think, or someone, but I don’t want to be told I have to leave uni, but I need a little support in real life just now to get me through the next few days . I’ve even thought of going to visit my mum but that’s a four hour bus ride and I can’t, because I’m scared I might die on the bus, how stupid is that .

Logically I know if I was genuinely having heart problems there’s no way it could hahe happened six times on Friday and be absolutely fine after, they’d have seen something on examination or I’d have passed out or something but it’s hell . I feel like I’m putting every ounce of energy I have into trying to prevent another one and getting nowhere .

There is a good book on Panic Attacks called Dare. You can get it on Amazon. The author suffered them himself. The technique he uses is the same as the one l resorted to after years of dihabilating panic attacks.
Panic end online forum also very helpful.

I’ll look that up, thank you ! I’m desperate for something to help now . I’m even scared to just take the rubbish out as stupid as it sounds . I wish I could just get reassurance, logically I know it isn’t at all likely to be heart problems and I need to calm down but then when I think about going out I think oh no, it’s not worth chancing it, it’s hell .

Just another message to say I've experienced these too and they are absolutely awful. Had them about a year ago then nothing and they have re-emerged. Going through the exact same thing now again. I'm pretty stressed atm so maybe that's triggered it.

@drayday

Just another message to say I've experienced these too and they are absolutely awful. Had them about a year ago then nothing and they have re-emerged. Going through the exact same thing now again. I'm pretty stressed atm so maybe that's triggered it.

I think that’s the same as me - stressed and my family are being weirdly controlling right now which isn’t helping at all .

I just restarted Uni five weeks ago, first time face to face in a long time - because of family circumstances it’s been quite difficult, but family are being very strangely controlling down to even asking how much toilet paper I’m using (I don’t live at home) - very odd . A relative has offered me financial support but only if she can scrutinise every penny I spend (literally) which isn’t helpful at all, it’s insane and I feel like saying I’d rather not get the money at all !

Last night I was told it’s good that I’m at uni because once I get a good job I can use my wages to support family - absolutely not; if I am fortunate enough to get a good job I’ll be using it to support myself ! So I think that’s what’s getting me stressed out .

Spoke to NHS24 last night again who said to contact GP as wondering if the panic attacks on Friday night were somehow related to medication changes, and said to tell uni welfare team, I’m scared to tell them in case they want me to take time off uni again which isn’t what I want at all .

I did have the funny feeling I got before the attacks several times last night and managed to hold it off by breathing exercises which does kind of prove to me if can’t be cardiac, not possible to hold off an arrhythmia or whatever by breathing !!