Hello,
I’m looking for some advice and support. My partner and I have been together for 11 years and have 3 small children. We got together very young at the age 18 the relationship started off badly with him cheating twice, but with some tim apart time healed us and we continued to have a further 2 children. The relationship has always been up and down I have always had a full time job and my partners works long hours and I would be tired and exhausted and he had very little empathy for how I felt and the emotional connection has always been missing. His short temper, and outbursts over the years have always been brushed under the carpet as I’m a pretty laid back person and always put it down to him being over worked and tired and it being a bad day for him. We have recently bought a house and fortunate to live a comfortable life however sometimes that isn’t everything. We have been disagreeing recently as his sex life isn’t as he wants it and even said no wonder men cheat your like an old prune and this made me feel really low. He wants a hot dinner every night (which I do do) but he wants it dished up with a tea as soon as he walks in. Now for me I have logged off from work at 5 and have to cook and see to the kids and sometimes it is not possible to meet his needs as much as I do enjoy cooking and doing those things I’m now at a point where I begrudge it and I’m exhausted myself! Mentally and physically.
I managed to get past it slightly and tried to put it to the back of my head however he then continued to put me down about my physical appearance, how I make him feel errrr (we’re his words), how he doesn’t love me anymore and felt it for a while, how I have no ambition, wouldn’t be where I am today without him, how I will have nothing in life, how on paper he earns £750 a month (as he is self employed) and I will get nothing from him, how he will find someone else to appreciate him and give him the sex life he wants and no one will want me with 3 children and that’s just some of what has been said recently. I kept my calm hurt by the words I just listened and tried to take note of exactly how he felt and listened and took it in. I can’t understand how someone can say those things about someone they are suppose to love, how are those words at the forefront of your mouth. Last week was the tipping point, annoyed at me not reacting he spat at me in the face and shoved my face and I don’t think I can forgive this ever! I felt and feel so degraded and disrespected and I honestly can’t get my head around what happened and the spitting feels worse than the face shove - I feel like the damage is done, the respect has gone and I know I do not deserve this treatment.
My question to people/fellow mums is. Do I get past this and put it down to a stressful time? Do I try and work this out? Am I bad mum if I chose to walk away from this? I’m worried about the future, the children’s feelings and their life now being turned upside down and it affecting them because I’ve chose to give up with their dad.
We have a new mortgage and he wants to sell and go our separate ways. I can’t afford to get a mortgage on my own and renting in London is ridiculous and I don’t want to up route the kids to another area so I would be effectively homeless. Does anyone have any personal advice on what happens here? Do I need to sell? Can I stay? what happens going forward.
I feel so hurt never would I think it would come to this after everything we have overcome but if I chose to stay I feel like I’m doing it for an easy life and for the sake of the children instead of myself and how I feel and I deserve a good life. I feel like I’m good at forgiving and I know times a healer but I don’t think I can forget what happened and what’s been said.