Awake at 4:31 anxious about work

[Lemonsandlemonade]

Am currently on maternity leave with what will be my only DC.

Have to go back full time due to finances.

I will be term time so will have lots of holiday off.

My DS will be 7 months old.

I’m scared that he won’t have any time with me. That he will forget me. My DM and MIL will be doing a day each I am scared that they won’t listen to mine and DH parenting wishes.

Im scared my bond with my little boy will go.

I have requested on day off a week for 6 weeks which work won’t give me at present obviously unpaid. This is giving me the most anxiety really.

Dunno why I’m posting just think it might help me sleep.

Going to doctor won’t help my GP doesn’t believe in mental health issues.

I know I’m being irrational.

Your baby will not forget you, stop looking for problems where there currently aren't any regarding childcare, and if your gp truly doesn't believe in mental health issues, find a new gp as soon as possible.

It isn't irrational to worry, emotions are useful for telling us where to put our efforts.
Firstly the bond with your baby absolutely will not go.
But it's a big change so you will both need to adjust to the new rhythm, while that period of adjustment is happening you might find him more clingy etc but once he knows you're not going away and he has secure loving carers he'll settle. 7 months is a good age for this to happen beverage they are young enough not to have such fixed expectations as a slightly older baby would, his adjustment will be easier.
The dm and mil not doing as you wish... Could that be addressed with a chat? Is it serious stuff?
It's a shame your work can't do a phased return but you could ease baby into it by having a day or two a week with dm/mil in the run up to going back, just to mitigate that for baby and also might help you address some of those concerns with their parenting before you're in the thick of it. Might give you chance to iron out a few wrinkles...

It's another big change for you, you've only recently experienced a life changing time having your baby. Take one day at a time, give yourself time and space to find your feet again.
I can promise you your baby will not forget you! There is no greater bond than mother and child, you're doing great ❤️

I don't think it's irrational. Most mothers returning after mat leave have a lot of anxiety around it. It's hormonal and natural. In the wild, as it were, we wouldn't be leaving our seven month olds for any significant length of time, let alone doing it daily, so our bodies rebel against it.

If you are term time only, do you teach?

It’s a big change and it’s normal to feel this way. It’s going to be okay

@Aquamarine1029 my DH your is awful condescending and makes terrible decisions in my opinion …. surgery has 1.5 doctors the other doctor does two days a week and has a waiting list I could book and see her but first available appointment is something like 25th November. Am in Uk but not England and here means you have to stick to local GP.

@TopCatsTopHat thanks for the practical advice with regards to work it could be easily facilitated the staff we have could and would cover but work don’t want to. I’m the manager so sort staffing usually.

With regards to DM/MiL DM sometimes forgets I’m the mum she is great mostly but doesn’t always remember boundaries . I know I need to be more accretive.

MIL is harder I get on well with her but little things annoy me for example DS tends to cry for a short time after a feed due to reflux once he is burped and sick he is fine. MIL is adamant he needs more milk. He doesn’t. She will go on about it.

@ThirdElephant no not teacher I manage/lead a pre school which has nursery education in it. (All children start school in reception round with me. ). Someone described my job as a teacher and head teacher rolled into one but on less money. She was a teacher and said my job was more tricky!

Thank you all I will be ok just having a wobble think it’s a morning thing.

OP, everything always seems worse in the middle of the night.

I went back to work full time when DC1 was 9 months old. We had a fabulous bond when I did, and still do.

It’s normal but he won’t forget you. You’re still the most important person in his world. It’s a period of adjustment and you will get used to it.

It is possible to be appreciative also frustrated. Maybe if dm is receptive you could give her constructive feedback (without seeming ungrateful) to try to improve things.
The more milk thing is annoying cos she is basically acting as though she knows better than you, but I sympathise, it took me a while to realise my reflux ds didn't want more milk (he would guzzle more heartily as the reflux discomfort made him think he was hungry), she might quietly revise her opinion when she sees things more. At least that's a temporary issue, he is likely to grow out of that soon. In both cases its a treading on your toes but out of love for your ds, he's lucky to have two involved gp's and he'll benefit a lot from that which compensates some. Children are really good at switching, so understanding that how it goes at grandma's house is different to home and that's OK, it will round him out in ways he would miss otherwise (not better just different). None of this changes what you know but may be a small comfort.

Leaving aside everything else, what do you mean by 'my GP doesn't believe in mental health issues'??

You need to swap your GP I think. Do that today.

I went back full time when my son was 11 weeks old. It was the hardest thing I've ever done. He's always been a massive mummy's boy and still is at 5. At the same time, he's happy to go to other people if needed. I've never had to worry about leaving him with my mum, in-laws or siblings etc because he copes just fine without me. He's just the right mix of independent and thinking I'm the greatest thing in the world.

Please do not worry about your bond.

You will be fine amd baby will be fine honestly. Ds will miss his mummy just as much as you will be missing him. When you do get home from work, they will be special times. It will also be a nice break too. (Not that work is a break) I'd go back to the doctors or ask to see another doctor. I suffered with depression and ive had post natal depression both different but both not a nice thing. Ive also had anxiety. I think when you become a mum you can over think things more than you did before. Just know your doing amazing and everything will work out

Feeling anxious about leaving your baby and returning to work is totally normal.

You get to the point with it where the overthinking it and the planning and organising is so much that you just need to get on with it-and the reality is not as bad as the build up.

Think logically about the setting you work in and how delighted the children who spent the day with are to see their parents when they collect them. Thats you.

You will never be more then 5/6 weeks away from some longer quality time together. And particularly when DC is older the summers you are going to have together are going to be AMAZING. There will be good weeks and bad. Weeks where you are tired and ready for HT and it all feels overwhelming.

But nothing breaks the bond between mother and child. You have to work which makes you a great role model. And you have put fantastic childcare in place. You couldn't do more for DC. It also helps to chunk it. Say give it 6 months/a year and see how it
Goes.

The GP will piss you off from time to time. Its what they do!