Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

Advice needed please

15 replies

Pixxie7 · 09/10/2021 03:38

My granddaughter is 17 in a couple of weeks time and obviously wants to learn to drive. Her parents have always provided with every opportunity and she has really been a bit spoilt however despite this she is actually a lovely person.
I want to pay for her driving lessons for her birthday but my daughter feels that she should get a job and at least fund some of it herself. I do understand and respect their views and actually agree with them. The driving were supposed to be a surprise so she doesn’t know.
So I really don’t know what to do.

OP posts:
starrynight21 · 09/10/2021 03:42

I have a similar family situation, and to be frank, if my son told me he didn't want me to pay for granddaughter's driving lessons, I wouldn't . I love my granddaughter and would walk over hot coals for her, but I wouldn't want to go against her parent's wishes - there lies trouble !

What about giving her money ? That's what I give my older grandchildren for birthdays and Christmas, and they can get what they like. If she wanted to buy driving lessons with it, so be it. That way you get the desired result but without going against your daughter's wishes.

Aquamarine1029 · 09/10/2021 04:09

Why is this such a conundrum? Respect your daughter's wishes and tell your granddaughter that you'll pay for 50% of her lessons, or whatever percentage your daughter feels is appropriate.

Original poster
Pixxie7 · 09/10/2021 04:10

I thought of that but thought it might be a bit obvious and not really solve the problem. I really don’t want to cause any problems particularly as one of the reasons I was going to do it was to indirectly help my DD and SIL out.

OP posts:

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Driving & parking
Aquamarine1029 · 09/10/2021 04:13

What exactly is "the problem?"

TopCatsTopHat · 09/10/2021 04:16

Obviously you respect the parents wishes... But driving lessons are not cheap and you normally need quite a few before you pass. Even if you bought a block of lessons the dg would likely still need to get a job to fund the rest. Or maybe you could offer (if its in your budget) to pay for the extra insurance premium for her to drive her parents car so she can practice at home between lessons?
But don't go over their head, they might not have thought about it too deeply so worth running those ideas past the parents to see if they like them.

Original poster
Pixxie7 · 09/10/2021 04:22

Good idea and there is no way I would go against their wishes. I was wondering about giving her a nominal amount for her birthday and then transferring the rest to my daughter to do with what she wishes.

OP posts:
Eviebeans · 09/10/2021 05:23

It's a really kind thought as I'm sure driving lessons are very expensive. Is the problem that her parents are not able to provide a very big present for her this year? If there is more than one child maybe they are worried that they may not be able to afford to do the same for all of them.

NiceTwin · 09/10/2021 05:29

Why don't you book a block of 10, or however many you want to pay for?
That will give granddaughter time to find a job to pay for more.

Original poster
Pixxie7 · 09/10/2021 05:47

No it’s not that her parents can’t afford it although they will struggle hence my offer, but the underlying issue is that she was off from June until September and made no effort to work and they feel that she needs to realise that you can’t have everything you ask for but have to work for it, which I applaud, but I have always said I would pay for her driving lessons but don’t want to go against them.

OP posts:
Original poster
Pixxie7 · 09/10/2021 05:49

Booking a block of ten i feel is actually going against their wishes.

OP posts:
romdowa · 09/10/2021 06:17

Could you maybe buy her some lessons at a later date, provided she gets herself started first? Or as someone said pay her insurance once she has passed. I think teaching her to stand on her own too feet is more important that driving.

Original poster
Pixxie7 · 09/10/2021 07:01

Oh I agree and think they need to do it particularly as she is off to uni in a couple of years. It is just I hate breaking my promises.

OP posts:
TopCatsTopHat · 09/10/2021 07:08

Can't you just chat this through with your daughter like you are diong here, between you you might be able to come up with a work - around

girlmom21 · 09/10/2021 07:10

Does she have her provisional license yet? Could you get her that?

Original poster
Pixxie7 · 09/10/2021 07:21

I am not sure about the licence will check that’s a good idea and yes I will have a chat with my daughter and see what she says. Thank you.

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page