What is my neighbours obsession with my children?

[NeighbourChat]

I’ve namechanged incase I’m identified by this and don’t want it connected to my other posts.

I have a neighbour who seems friendly enough. If I’m doing something when he is passing, cleaning my car/painting my fence/mowing my lawn/walking my dog, he will ask if my children won’t do that for me. He’s always saying it in a jolly way, not accusatory, I don’t think. Im sure he’s just making conversation but he’s said the same thing quite a few times now and I’m trying to work out why he thinks they should be doing it rather than me. I would normally assume he was just the sort of person who thought children should do all the chores, however he has children who are older than mine and I’ve never seen them doing any of those jobs. I’ve seen him doing them all repeatedly apart from painting a fence. My Dc do actually do chores including mowing the lawn and cleaning the car, and tbh, I got the dog for me, I wanted a dog for me to walk. She is my companion. Dc love her but the walks are something I enjoy. Similarly I enjoy things like fence painting and garden work. DC will do it if asked but I like doing it myself. As neighbour is always passing and we don’t generally stop to chat I never bother explaining all this to him. I just smile and say “no”. And he’s already on past me anyway. I did wonder if it’s because I’m a (single) woman doing what he perceives to be “men’s” work and my DCs are boys that he thinks they should do it but one of his DC is a boy and I’ve never seen him doing any of the things even with my neighbour or alone. Maybe his son doesn’t have to because there is a man there to do them

What do you reckon? What is his logic behind this question?

And he’s already on past me anyway. I did wonder if it’s because I’m a (single) woman doing what he perceives to be “men’s” work and my DCs are boys that he thinks they should do it but one of his DC is a boy and I’ve never seen him doing any of the things even with my neighbour or alone. Maybe his son doesn’t have to because there is a man there to do them

It's 100% this.

Just nod and smile and ignore him.

I would guess it started as a general feeling that the boys should be doing the men’s work for you in the absence of a man, but overtime it has morphed into a habit that he keeps up out of awkwardness and not knowing what else to say.

You've got a repeater.

They're almost always older males ime. They hit on an opening conversational gambit, and then just use it over and over, every time they see you and fancy a chat. As they see it - it 'worked' the first time (you presumably laughed politely and said something in reply) so it'll do from now on. The onus is on you to come up with a,different, interesting response every time. As a woman, you're not worthy of a tailor made conversation starter.

Yes I will just continue to smile and nod. I’ve no intention of asking him about it. I was just wondering about what’s going on in his head when he asks it.

@JesusInTheCabbageVan

You've got a repeater.

They're almost always older males ime. They hit on an opening conversational gambit, and then just use it over and over, every time they see you and fancy a chat. As they see it - it 'worked' the first time (you presumably laughed politely and said something in reply) so it'll do from now on. The onus is on you to come up with a,different, interesting response every time. As a woman, you're not worthy of a tailor made conversation starter.

Ahhh! Now that is interesting. I’ve never heard of this before.

It might also be that they use the same opening gambit because they are socially awkward and when they have found something that works they stick with it, rather than revealing their disdain for women.

I seem to attract them Mine are:

"You're looking nice and cool today" (summer only, he's a bit lost in cold weather)
"You're missing someone!" (when he sees me without the dog)
"Feeling fitter yet?" (when he sees me jogging)

@sonjadog that would be the less cynical interpretation I suppose.

I wouldn't say disdain, as such. I probably phrased it a bit bluntly. It's more... they know women are more likely to be polite, so there's no need to keep coming up with a new conversation starter.

I've had garden things delivered from the same company and the same driver drops them off, will always tell me that I should get my husband to do the lifting into the garden, I can't be bothered to tell him there is no husband, and as he can see I'm perfectly capable of carrying bags of horse manure through into my back garden

I agree that he sounds like a repeater. It could also be that he’s a bit socially awkward or he could be misogynistic.

Thanks all. Interesting thoughts.

How boring for you,

l have a similar kind of neighbour that l try to avoid at all costs. He's. the same regarding expecting my sons to be mechanics, plumbers, electricians, painters and decorators, window cleaners,.gardener s etc, whilst his own do sod all. Sometimes l think people say it because it gets them off the hook from having to offer, even though most single mum's l know , and myself included, are very capable and often too proud to ask for help.

It's just a lame Dad joke - a patient nod will suffice in response.