WWYD? Moving dilemma.

[whattafuckup]

We've been told that our current landlord will need to sell our house in a year or two. We're essentially a family of 4, DH, me and two boys with SEND (Yr 8 and Yr 6). I have two adult children from a previous relationship, one visits every other weekend while having a year out between degree and MA, and one that's just started uni at the other end of the country, who'll spend less than half his holidays with us.
I'm through to a second round of interviews for a really GREAT job. Life-changing. More money and more responsibility, with masses of potential to go really really far in the industry. It's a hell of an opportunity. But it's in Folkestone, and we're in Eastbourne. A 2 to 2 1/2 hr drive, so 4-5 hours each day of commuting. 2 and half by train (and a massive pain in the arse).
The job is starting as 4 days a week, 2 in the office or in London, 2 from home.
The boys are both at special schools, which are fine - not amazing, but they're settled. DH reckons we should move to East Hastings, which would give me 1 hr 15 minute-ish commute. Likely county would taxi the boys to and from Eastbourne, giving them 2 x 50+minute journeys each day. Conveniently, DH's band practices in Bexhill or Hastings once a week, and they do gigs in Hastings occasionally.
So I spoke to East Sussex County Council (who said they'd likely taxi them to their current schools), and Kent - who said that the school in Folkestone is full, so they'd get taxi'd to Ashford or Canterbury (which would be less of a commute for me and them). She advised me to move to Ashford or Canterbury. DH doesn't want to move to a new town where he doesn't know anyone and would have to drive longer on band nights. However, as I've worked in a council before, I'm well aware of how much they cost-shunt, and even within sections of the same county, so she may have been putting me off her 'patch'. There's no real way of knowing until we've moved and we suddenly become Kent's problem, instead of East Sussex. WWYD? Move to Hastings, Folkestone, Ashford or Canterbury? (Bearing in mind I have some health issues so a 2+ hour commute's not great for me!)

Can you live away mon-fri while you work out what to do? Become a lodger somewhere?

I think a 50 minute journey to school is too long, as is your potential commute, to save your husband from being inconvenienced. Maybe you should just wait and see how the interview goes; good luck!

Shorter commute for everyone.

Where does your DH work?

He works from home @NoSquirrels - on rare occasions (i.e. before the pandemic) he had to travel to London and abroad from time to time, but that hasn't happened in ages.
And yes, @Knittedfairies, this is all still theoretical, and I may not get the job, but the recruiter saiid today he thinks I'm the frontrunner, and I think it's rather unlikely that there another candidate with both halves of the requirements - there'll be loads with one set or the other, but unlikely to find another one with both, so I'm quite hopeful. But yes, I absolutely shouldn't count my chickens yet! :D

Can you visit the schools in Ashford or Canterbury? Decide on a school and work back from there. Prioritise short commutes to school and work rather than proximity to a once a week leisure activity! Sounds like a great chance for a fresh start with this new job. Good luck

The job is starting as 4 days a week, 2 in the office or in London, 2 from home.

So will this increase to 5 days? You say "starting as" so...??

If it's just 2 days/week in either the Folkestone office or London, can you just stay in Eastbourne and accept that for 2 days you have a heft commute? Even stay over in Folkestone/London for 1 night only ? Seems much more manageable that moving the entire family.

In terms of living, Ashford is a shithole.

Would your Hastings commute be along the a259? Not a great road as it goes through towns until you get to Rye. The commute might be stressful

I’ve got two children with Sen. One does a 30 minute journey to school and the other a 20 minute journey. I know kids locally who do 50 minutes. I think your DH needs to be taken out of the equation and you need to look at commute for you and the boys. I’d visit their potential schools and also the towns you’d consider.

This is all helpful, people - thanks. I'll show it to DH so he can see i'm not the only one who thinks that Folkestone, Ashford or Canterbury should not be discounted. It's a tricky one, but we have decided to go and check them out - I don't think we'll be moving immediately as we have other financial ducks to line up first, so we'll drive around them and check out the schools. The Folkestone one looks amazing, but if there's no spaces there, it doesn't really make sense to move to Folkestone just for me.