When will therapy start working?

[Yummypumpkin]

I've been having private psychoanalytic therapy for 2 months. I've got no better and actually perhaps worse.

My therapist mainly wants to talk about my feelings for her and for therapy.

She also will talk about my childhood.

She doesn't talk about my daily problems that I need help with, like work and relationships.

I'm not going to quit but it isn't cheap and so far its not helping.

Does anyone have any experience to share?

Therapy varies so much. It's really important that you find the kind that's right for you. It is often the case that it stirs up a lot of feelings and memories and things can feel worse for a bit. But I would say that you should be able to talk to your therapist and tell her what you want out of therapy. It may well be that in her approach, the focus is not on daily problems and that she likes to work with clients over a long period of time. But there are other sorts of therapy that are much more client-led (and therapists who are used to working on a time-limited basis and making progress faster). Ultimately you are the client and you should feel like the fit is right for you.

Do you see the method of therapy you are currently undergoing being useful and helping long term? Because not all therapies work for all people, and stopping this one to try another technique doesn't make you a "failure" in any way. It does work for many people, but personally I found it frustrating to churn over my childhood without actually getting any useful tools to improve my life (counselling / talking therapy). I've also tried CBT (cognitive behavioural therapy) which explicitly aims to give you the tools and techniques to help yourself. Unfortunately, I was provided with 6 sessions on the NHS, we covered new techniques each week and I never felt like I had chance to establish whether any one method helped before moving onto another one (though perhaps I also wasn't in the right mindset for it to work, who knows?).

I am currently seeing a therapist for BWRT (brain working recursive therapy). This technique aims to be an actual therapy (as in, helping "rewire" your brain) and is intended to only need a few sessions. I've had two sessions so far, and am genuinely feeling calmer and better able to deal with stress. After discussing with my therapist, we've decided to add on a few more sessions to help other areas of my life, but I genuinely think I could stop now and it have a beneficial impact on my life.

Well, this is psychoanalysis… the whole point of psychoanalysis is to discuss deep rooted psychological problems that stem from the unconscious and childhood. Psychoanalysis is supposed to be longterm and can take YEARS to get anywhere so two months is very early days.
Can I ask, did you deliberately seek out a psychoanalyst? They’re generally specialists and not cheap. If you want quicker results and to discuss everyday problems have you thought about CBT? Much more focused on day to day issues and you can even get a referral from your GP.

Maybe look for a person centred/humanistic counsellor. I am currently studying to be a counsellor and this area of counselling allows the client to pick the agenda. The counsellor follows your lead so if you want to talk about work, relationships etc then you can x

Wow!

These are very helpful.

I will look at BRWT. Thats what I want to do really....rewire my brain to how it was before a few tough years hit my confidence and sense of security.

She keeps pushing me to commit for a very long time period. As I have issues with commitment this in itself feels threatening and I need some practical tips for everyday life quite urgently as on a daily basis I struggle to manage.

I'm not sure if 8 sessions is enough for me to judge this on? But not only is it not helping but the relationship feels one where she knows what is best and I don't feel in control and that in itself is reinforcing a sense of myself as helpless and failing....

Sorry just saw other replies. No i didn't seek out psychoanalysis and I only found out in the last session that this was the type of therapy I was having!

I wanted compassion based therapy but they recommended this instead.

I'm in my 40s and aware of my difficult family background and have I guess accepted this. The relentless focus on issues like my dads alcoholism doesn't really seem to be helping me live a better life on a daily basis and rather has just left me feeling like "oh I'm doomed to be messed up".

I wonder whether a more person-centred therapy might suit you better? In that sort of therapy, it's quite common to start with the day-to-day stuff and then work towards the underlying issues, childhood etc.

IMHO it doesn't sound like this therapeutic relationship is working for you. I think it would be well worth considering looking for somebody else.

Thank you @FrazzledY9Parent

I didn't really consider other options. This relationship feels a bit intense for me. I have a session on Tuesday so will express what I need and see how that goes.

Then I will probably look to switch if its still the same.

Thank you.

Therapy takes a long time and it is the deep rooted stuff that needs looking at because deep down our childhoods affect almost every decision we make. I have had extensive therapy, I’m in year 4.

You very often feel substantially worse before it gets better.

Obviously you may click better with one therapist more than others.

Practical advice on getting through depression and anxiety is

Eat healthy
Go outside every day
No alcohol
Always take meds
Cut out people who distress you
Never over commit to anything

Mine most definitely explored boundaries and how we would interact with each other a lot, it sets the scene and is actually very important.

My therapist mainly wants to talk about my feelings for her and for therapy.

Was this a typo??

@Sarahlou63 no it is not!!

It can feel a bit creepy. She asks how I'd feel "if this ended" or she "dropped me".

Every session!

I guess she is trying to see how I form relationships and how anxious I am.

I told her I don't think we have a relationship and I don't think of her as a person so much as a professional.

Thank you @TheUnbearable. I do see and understand this too. I'm not sure I could hold down a job if I end up feeling 'considerably worse!!!!

Maybe I'm not brave enough but I do appreciate your perspective.

Fuck me sideways! You need a new therapist pronto. No wonder she wants you to sign up long term...

www.betterrelationships.org.au/well-being/core-beliefs-self-acceptance/

arfamiliesfirst.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/05/Cognitive-Distortions.pdf

No charge. But you've got to promise to be nice to me

To be fair, the focus on the relationship between the client and the therapist is a huge part of psychoanalytic therapy. But it's not for everybody - it's not for me, for example! My therapist had a 'humanistic' approach, which is much more about believing in the potential of the client, and being led by what they need.

The relationship with the therapist should feel right from the outset, IMO and in my experience. The work of therapy, on the other hand, can be difficult and unsettling at times. You need to feel a connection and there’s nothing wrong in moving on to find a better fit, as it were.

Sounds like your after cbt instead ☺️

@Sarahlou63 the piece on core beliefs has started me crying. Thank you. I will reread it and the other link!!

Yes @FrazzledY9Parent in saying these things it seems clearly a part of her process and is done professionally. It does make me feel weird and frustrated. I've explained that as I've only met her a few times I wouldn't be very sad or upset if it ended. I feel that she wants me to transfer some feelings to her and then work through that. But she is a stranger and right now I don't have any feelings for her to discuss!!!! I guess this would take considerably longer but as with all things, anyone pushing for you to have feelings for them is a surefire way for feelings not to come!

She doesn’t sound a Good fit. I would explore other forms of therapy and let her attach herself to someone else. I’ve had therapy several times and have never been asked such creepy questions.
If the shoes don’t fit you are not going to walk far.

Find a different therapist.

I say this as a therapist and someone who has been in therapy for ten years. I’d explore integrative because they integrate different therapeutic modalities. They will give you the cbt/counselling strategies you want as well as deeper relational work. But it’s important you find someone where you work well together.

Thanks everyone. This was a really difficult decision to make on my own but the advice seems pretty clear.

I feel too much of each session is spent talking about my feelings about therapy and the therapist and I don't see the point in this.

I know she's very well respected but it isn't a good fit for me and I am not getting what I need. Sounds like there are a lot of other options out there.