Please tell me your tales of recovering from mental illness

[MareofBeasttown]

I really need them right now. Not for me. For DD who has severe anxiety and depression, and is unable to attend uni after spending 1.3 yrs doing it online ( not in the UK). Going back has made her worse, and beig dumped by her long term serious BF has not helped. She is thinking of taking a gap semester. She has been on escitalopram for nearly 5 months now, but it does not seem to have helped. She can't get out of bed. I am happy for her to take a gap sem but I am not sure she will be any better in February. All the friends she made appear to have dumped her.

I really need some tales of hope right now.

I recovered with a combination of lifestyle changes (diet and huge amounts of exercise - cold water swimming in particular is known to help massively). And also circumstances - better group of friends. Also, managing small things like tidy rooms. And good sleep hygiene.

Good luck.

I'm really sorry to hear about your daughter. The pandemic has affected mental health significantly I feel. My daughter is 17 and she keeps on getting panic attacks atm.

I had a really bad spell of MH problems in my mid to late 20s including hospital admissions and being under several psychiatrists. I was very unwell.

In my case I turned out to be autistic and it was a case of understanding that I can't cope with the same pressures at NT people. I also now take sertraline and have done for years which really helps. I also had 2 years of very good psychotherapy.

So yes, people can and do get better but it's often important to seek out the root cause.

Speaking from personal experience, I'd say finding pleasure in something she loves, that she can immerse herself in. It offers a temporary reprieve from the darkness so she can start to see a way out.

For me it was horses. I loved to ride as a kid, so my dear stepmum talked me into going for a lesson when I was in the grip of anxiety and depression at 23 (I actually lost my job because of it). To my amazement, doing something other than wallowing for an hour was a massive lift and I couldn't wait to do it again.

It became a hobby and with the help of lofepramine, I came out of my depression over 3 or 4 months. And got another job.

Clearly I've simplified for this post, but you get the gist! Is there an interest she could get absorbed in? I had a horse habit for 10 years but it was very expensive - these days I crochet, and do my own gel nails to stay occupied and feel like I'm creating something. It's easy to get caught up in your own head.

I wish her the very best. She will get better!

I'm sorry about your DD. It has been such a difficult time for uni students. for you and her.

For me it was finding the right counsellor. She was the 4th counsellor I'd seen, but the first I really clicked with. Feeling comfortable with her meant that I felt able to revisit some bad things that had happened when I was a teenager, and set me on the path to being mentally well for the first time in my adult life. (I was 36)

I also took amitriptyline, since it had worked for me before. I know it doesn't work for a lot of people.

And I agree that finding something she loves will also help. I started going to choir, and having that time to do something I enjoyed, being Me instead of Mum for a couple of hours a week, helped get me back into living fully.

Cutting out anyone who was bad for my MH even if I loved them.

Cutting out alcohol

Therapy

Walking

People that adore you will wait and assist recovery, fair weather friends won’t. Accepting that however painful.

She needs to get outside desperately, if she can just get to the garden at first. I remember the first time I managed to walk round the block. I suffered an incredibly deep depression after my child died and stayed in the house for almost a year with the curtains shut.

Doe she and you know why she has anxiety and depression? Sometimes we think we know people but actually they keep the real reason they are ill hidden. Telling the people we care about the most is actually the hardest. I had been married for 15 years before I told DH what happened to me as a child it came out when DD died as I couldn’t hold it back anymore.

If you can afford it plus her uni may offer for free get her online therapy FaceTiming or on the phone, she needs a neutral third party. I did have therapy on the NHS but the waiting list is huge and more important than that she has to have a therapist that suits her. It’s not that some therapists are bad you just need to click with them.

She may need different meds. It’s a balance getting the right ones.

Good luck and seek support yourself.

Thank you all for the kind comments. DD is taking a gap semester. I think she may need different meds. I gather it is trial and error. She does have regular therapy but again, that may need changing.

Regarding things she loves, she loves to read and gets through at least 2 books a week. I wish she would do something more physical or sporty, but she is just not sporty.

@TheUnbearable so sorry to hear abt the death of your child. That seems like a perfectly valid reason to not leave the house. I really hope you are better now. Her reasons for depression are a really bad breakup ( she was v keen on her boyfriend), Covid depression, online teaching and just the general awfulness of the world right now. I think it's v bad for young people at the moment.

I am going to get some help myself to help her.

For me it was eating and sleeping well, no alcohol or caffeine. Lots of being outside, (even though I was also agoraphobic) and focusing on small things like the colour of leaves, shapes of pebbles etc. I also found group therapy really helped me but probably for the wrong reasons tbh. I remember sitting across from these amazing people with so much potential who couldn't move forward or get anywhere in life because their anxiety and depression had taken over their life. I was the exact same but actually seeing other people missing out on life was the "mirror" I needed. It came me the strength and incentive to fight and eventually overcome my demons.

My dd is nearly 18 and is having cbt and emdr privately .. no help from thr nhs despite bagging my head on many doors for thr last 3 years! I'll be taking her back when she is 18 to try and get some medication too ... no end on sight though , just many many pounds going out the bank account !

Finding the right strength and combination of medications.
Learning to accept my limits. Some things I'm simply not capable of and I've had to make peace with that.
My experience with doctors and therapists has been very mixed. You can help by backing her up, give her the confidence to push back if something isn't working for her.
Her knowing you have her back is a bigger thing than you know.