No DC2 - anyone relate?

MissOrganisedMe · 2021-10-07T21:47:16+00:00

I had 2 losses in 5 months in the first half of this year, one with twins. We're older (I'm 40) and my husband has reconsidered and no longer wishes to try for DC2. DC1 is 4. I'm disappointed and would love, still, to have another DC. I'm accepting of his decision as it's got to be something that we both want. However, I'm struggling this month. My period is late. It's never late. I know I'm not pregnant as we use contraception and this month, for various reasons, we haven't DTD around what I know is my fertile period. I just really wish that I was pregnant. I'm not sure how to revisit the conversation again or if I have the strength to go through it again when the outcome isn't what I want. I'm just venting really. It's so bloody tough! Can anyone relate?

Original poster

MissOrganisedMe · 08/10/2021 07:36

Bump....

OP posts:

Forgothowmuchlhatehomeschoolin · 08/10/2021 07:40

I have never suffered a miscarriage but was unable to get pregnant with a 2nd child....was offered IVF but knowing how my dh was not that bothered made me think it wasn't worth all the stress and intrusion.
Daughter is 10 now and we all have a fantastic life and not giving her a sibling didn’t up being the end of the world as l thought it would be but was quite a long road getting to that conclusion.
So sorry for your losses that is very hard xx

2countries1bump · 08/10/2021 08:09

I can totally relate. My DC1 is two. I'd love a second but my DH acts like he has PTSD when I bring up the subject. Every month I hope even when it's unlikely/impossible.

drayday · 08/10/2021 08:41

I can relate. For years every slightly late period bought a slew of thoughts. I'm 43 now and DC1 is 9. Pretty much over the worst now and I'm happy with life as it is. Dc1 seems fine too for now.

Original poster

MissOrganisedMe · 08/10/2021 17:23

Thanks. I was hoping I wouldn't be alone in my thoughts.

I may still have the conversation. My period started today. Depressing but completely expected.

OP posts:

BergamotandLime · 08/10/2021 17:26

I can totally relate. 7 years of secondary infertility and DD is 8 now. Feels like a massive step to go back to the baby years again but it would be so lovely to give her a sibling, but it's v unlikely to ever happen.

BergamotandLime · 08/10/2021 17:26

Sorry for your losses....

AlexaShutUp · 08/10/2021 17:37

I had secondary infertility. And a miscarriage. I'm sorry, it sucks.

The thing is, I wouldn't change it now for anything. Our family is complete as it is. DD is more than enough. She is so happy and well balanced, has never wanted a sibling and is thriving in every possible way. We have been able to give her so much time and attention, and we have an incredibly close relationship. I often wonder how another child - perhaps one who wasn't as easy and happy-go-lucky as dd - would have changed our wonderful family dynamic. There would have been benefits, for sure, but I'm sure that there would have been downsides too. It's impossible to say how things would have panned out.

It's a very long time since I pined for a second child. Now I'm grateful for the fact that things worked out in the way that they did. I wouldn't go back and change it even if I could. I know how shit it probably feels now, but I hope that you too will one day be at peace with how things are. Your dc will be fine as an only child... honestly. And hopefully you will be fine one day too.

Forgothowmuchlhatehomeschoolin · 08/10/2021 21:46

@AlexaShutUp

I had secondary infertility. And a miscarriage. I'm sorry, it sucks.

The thing is, I wouldn't change it now for anything. Our family is complete as it is. DD is more than enough. She is so happy and well balanced, has never wanted a sibling and is thriving in every possible way. We have been able to give her so much time and attention, and we have an incredibly close relationship. I often wonder how another child - perhaps one who wasn't as easy and happy-go-lucky as dd - would have changed our wonderful family dynamic. There would have been benefits, for sure, but I'm sure that there would have been downsides too. It's impossible to say how things would have panned out.

It's a very long time since I pined for a second child. Now I'm grateful for the fact that things worked out in the way that they did. I wouldn't go back and change it even if I could. I know how shit it probably feels now, but I hope that you too will one day be at peace with how things are. Your dc will be fine as an only child... honestly. And hopefully you will be fine one day too.

Exactly how l feel.

LittleOverWhelmed · 08/10/2021 21:57

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

Original poster

MissOrganisedMe · 09/10/2021 16:28

Thanks for sharing. The positive stories give me hope. DC1 is such a joy.

OP posts:

Lighthousedreams · 09/10/2021 16:45

Sorry for your losses. I can sadly relate. DS was born- completely normal pregnancy. We tried for another recently. We had 4 miscarriages in 1 year. We had all the tests and they all came back fine.

It's been 3 months since our last mc and we are coming to terms with the fact we will probably be a one child family. We are focusing on the benefits: DS gets lots of attention and our family is lovely and calm (ish). We have enough money with only one to send him to the lovely local prep school. It's not the same as having a sibling but I am hoping in time that the urge to have another will lessen.

We are focusing on the fact we have a happy, healthy and hilarious child. It's more than many get and we are blessed.

I wish you all the best with your journey. It's not easy though. x

frogsbreath · 09/10/2021 16:49

It is a long journey to acceptance. I have a ten year old and I am still at times floored with the grief of not giving him a sibling.

Yet I am unbelievably happy. It is a different happiness but no lesser kind of happiness to be a parent of one.

I also find it is increasingly common for parents of all ages 20s to 40s to have one child families so thankfully nobody asks why we have one only.

Be kind to yourselves, be sad that you haven't got something you longed for, it's ok to be sad and have regrets while still appreciating what you have. X

blairresignationjam · 09/10/2021 20:23

Yes I completely relate. It's a physical urge for me, as if my uterus is reaching out for more children. My thoughts get all wrapped up in it. I see so many women yearning for children but their DH says no (me included). It makes me so sad. Personally I did 99% of the new born stage care and still 90% thereafter. In all honesty I really can't see how it would effect his life, if at all. But it would make me so happy.

2countries1bump · 11/10/2021 21:23

@blairresignationjam

Yes I completely relate. It's a physical urge for me, as if my uterus is reaching out for more children. My thoughts get all wrapped up in it. I see so many women yearning for children but their DH says no (me included). It makes me so sad. Personally I did 99% of the new born stage care and still 90% thereafter. In all honesty I really can't see how it would effect his life, if at all. But it would make me so happy.

I couldn't agree more!

dutchessmom · 11/10/2021 21:53

Sorry for your losses and I am sorry AF came this month.
I am struggling with number2 as well, and every time I get my period it's like a kick in the belly!

Original poster

MissOrganisedMe · 04/11/2021 21:08

I'm back. Thanks for the responses I hadn't seen.

It's coming around to that time of the month again 😢 This time we had protected sex just at the tail end of my fertile period.

What am I googling? Go on, guess?! Incidences where women have fallen pregnant despite using a condom. Yeah, so this is who I am now.... God, I need to give myself a bloody good shake! Sooner my period comes, the quicker I can stop tormenting myself.

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No DC2 - anyone relate?

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