I hate my new job after just 1 month :(

[stressednewstarter]

I started a new job a month ago. I hate it. It's an entry-level position for the area I've always wanted to work in and I was so excited to start but I just hate it.

The actual work is ok, I'm good at it and have had good feedback on my projects but everything else about the job is awful. I dread getting up every morning and my heart races constantly from stress and anxiety during the working day. I feel completely overwhelmed by it even though I know logically, on paper, my workload isn't that bad, it feels a lot worse than it actually is because I have constant messages and emails from people chasing up the status of my work and it makes me panic and feel rushed. I work a lot in the evenings trying to catch-up.

I can feel myself closing off from people and today a colleague mentioned that I need to be more active on the group Teams chats when discussing projects rather than having 1-to-1 chats with people and it just made my heart sink as it's another thing I feel I've misjudged and been doing wrong.

It was also advertised as remote/WFH and now they want everyone in the office twice a week, and the office is quite a long commute (long enough that had I known I would have to go to that office I wouldn't have taken the job).

I can feel myself just completely checking out of this job and getting the urge to just run away, which is really unlike me. I've stopped trying to make conversation with my colleagues and I'm just not myself.

So just accept that this just isn't for you and start looking round for something else. You're a square peg in a round hole. It's nothing to be ashamed of.

I also really struggle during Teams meetings and I'm just waiting for my manager to bring it up in our next meeting, as it feels inevitable. I'm really shy but try and fake it as much as possible, but during Teams meetings I just go mute, I can't get the words out. I sit and nod and smile and look engaged but unless I'm directly asked a question (which I'm fine with answering) I can't ever just jump in and give my opinion. I feel so embarrassed.

@Dillydollydingdong

So just accept that this just isn't for you and start looking round for something else. You're a square peg in a round hole. It's nothing to be ashamed of.

I just can't pinpoint what's wrong so I can avoid it in future jobs, but I know something is very very wrong.

The work is ok, the people are ok, yet I have this pit in my stomach everyday and I dread waking up every morning.

It's something I have always wanted to do and have been aiming towards, I had no plan B as I thought I would love this job

Honestly I think you're being too tough on yourself! Any new job is a massive learning curve and it's still new. You've had good feedback which is brilliant - remember that and don't focus on the constructive feedback about being more active in teams chats and progress updates. Can you get a bit more feedback about the expectations about updates so you can adapt accordingly?

I don't think many people expect a recent joiner to dive into meetings at 100% straight away. Every team needs a mix of personalities - and I've found that video calls make the differences in people's communication styles more obvious. It's perfectly ok to build your confidence, or if you prefer, why not share your ideas after the meetings through Teams etc? I'm a reflector - ideas often come to me later and that's ok!

Can you have a chat with your manager - explain what you've said here and get their thoughts about prioritising your workload. You're getting to know the job and company, and they're getting to know you - it just takes a bit of time and effort on both sides.

Good luck!