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Original poster

How to deal with plutomanic friends

31 replies

Anon247 · 07/10/2021 11:45

We are friends with a couple for a long time. Since our children leaving home, we have been spending more time with each other. Slowly I realise that they are both plutomanics, one more extreme than the other. The need to hold on to their money is of utmost important. More recently, we have decided on an expensive purchase for the 4 of us (I don't want to say what it is in case they read this). As they took so long to decide whether they wanted it, by the time we were ready to purchase, the price went up by £320. I swallowed this, not wanting any bad atmosphere between us and I went ahead and made the purchase. It is only money I thought, it's not worth ruining a life long friendship. I made the purchase and gave them all the receipts along with my bank details for them to reimburse me. I was shocked when one of them queried how I paid for it and said that as I paid for it by credit card, I will be reimbursed a month later!
To be honest, I don't really care when they reimburse me, but the cheek of it has left me seething. Now I don't know how I feel about seeing them again. How should I deal with this? I need to clam down.

OP posts:
EdmontinaDonsAutumnalHues · 07/10/2021 16:15

Well … I have no idea about your problem.

But lord bless you for the new word! Star

MissBattleaxe · 07/10/2021 16:16

So a plutomanic is a tightwad? Fascinating.

MrsColon · 07/10/2021 16:17

Wow that's massive cheeky fuckery - presumably your bill will become due before a month's time unless you bought it at the start of the month!

Skysblue · 07/10/2021 16:18

That would change how I felt about them, yes. It’s just not how you treat friends.

Tiramiwho · 07/10/2021 16:20

They'll recognise themselves from the rest of your post.
So what did you buy? 😁

HilaryBriss · 07/10/2021 16:26

How should I deal with this?

Don't make joint expensive purchases with them?

I had to google plutomanic tbh, I have never heard that word before. Now that I have read the definition, I wouldn't call your friends plutomanics really, just tightwads.

WeAreTheHeroes · 07/10/2021 16:31

Got to be a holiday to have changed by that much by the time they decided. Well never, ever jointly purchase anything with them again and pay your own way only. The fact they told you when they would pay and didn't ask if would okay to do that speaks volumes.

2bazookas · 07/10/2021 16:32

Tell them the purchase has taken you to your credit limit (with other bills pending) so you need paying right away.

Is it too late to return it unused?

Movinghouseatlast · 07/10/2021 16:34

My sister in law and her husband are like this. I find it very irritating, but I think it is so bad in their case that its actually a psychological problem.

We went to a beach once and it turned out to be a much longer walk than we thought. It was lunchtime before we got there and my sister in law started shaking with tears in her eyes because we suggested we went to the cafe for lunch. She actually walked back to the cottage we were all staying in so she could make a sandwich rather than spend £2.20 on one.

They have never been out to eat unless someone else pays. Their house is furnished with sagging 50 year old sofas, falling apart furniture, their spare bed has the springs poking through.

They have over a million pounds in the bank.

BornIn78 · 07/10/2021 16:36

They’re not plutomanics, they are stingebags.

That’ll be a fun holiday with them, I’m sure.

ChocoAvo · 07/10/2021 16:36

I thought this was going to be someone passionate about pluto being a primary planet.
Don't do expensive purchases with friends and make sure you get money upfront if you do is the way I would approach it going forward

HarrisMcCoo · 07/10/2021 16:38

No idea about your problem but plutomanic is a really interesting word. Never heard of it before 🤷

TimeToChangePassword · 07/10/2021 16:38

@BornIn78
Was thinking the same thing. I wouldn’t be going on holiday with them.

Thulian · 07/10/2021 16:39

I thought this was going to be someone passionate about pluto being a primary planet.

And that's a position I could respect!

Strugglingtodomybest · 07/10/2021 16:45

I think deep breaths and concentrate on feeling sorry for them that they are like this, is the way I'd deal with it, and then never offer to pay again.

Thank you for teaching me a new word too, I love it and know exactly who I'll be using it to describe in future!

CorrBlimeyGG · 07/10/2021 16:45

This is not plutomania.

Have you posted about these people before, you suggested there was a cultural difference?

PhoboPhobia · 07/10/2021 16:47

@Movinghouseatlast

My sister in law and her husband are like this. I find it very irritating, but I think it is so bad in their case that its actually a psychological problem.

We went to a beach once and it turned out to be a much longer walk than we thought. It was lunchtime before we got there and my sister in law started shaking with tears in her eyes because we suggested we went to the cafe for lunch. She actually walked back to the cottage we were all staying in so she could make a sandwich rather than spend £2.20 on one.

They have never been out to eat unless someone else pays. Their house is furnished with sagging 50 year old sofas, falling apart furniture, their spare bed has the springs poking through.

They have over a million pounds in the bank.

I have a friend like this, also over a million in the bank, owns house outright and no dependents. She also has a very successful career so, while you can never say never, she is unlikely to lose her income before she retires in a few years, then she'll also have a generous pension.

I understand being careful with money, that's how she has so much and owns her house but I often wonder what is the point of having all that money for the sake of it. She never ever buys anything she absolutely doesn't need nor goes anywhere for fun. I see her once every 3 months or so when I invite her for dinner and have given up suggesting going out because in the 20 plus years I have known her she has never accepted an invitation to go out to eat or even for a coffee.

Chloemol · 07/10/2021 17:00

I had to google Plutomania

I don’t think this is it, they are just misery and mean with money

Once you have the money don’t buy anything joint again, does the purchase mean it’s shared between you and you jointly own it so you have to carry on seeing them?

VenusClapTrap · 07/10/2021 17:12

My dfather is like this. We have jointly purchased the bungalow next door to me, for him to move into once it is renovated. He is complaining about and challenging every single tiny step of the renovation (which I am managing, because he is at the other end of the country). Today he was clutching his pearls about the builders making a bit of a mess of the carpet. The carpet that was installed by the elderly previous owners decades ago, and which was threadbare and smelt bad. “I wanted to keep that” he said.
He bought his share of this property with cash; not needing to sell either of his other two properties to do so.

Original poster
Anon247 · 07/10/2021 17:18

@corrblimeyGG

No , they are a totally different couple

OP posts:
Original poster
Anon247 · 07/10/2021 17:20

Thanks everyone. I’ve been upset all day, I think this is the start of the end now.

OP posts:
Polkadots2021 · 07/10/2021 17:22

@ChocoAvo

I thought this was going to be someone passionate about pluto being a primary planet. Don't do expensive purchases with friends and make sure you get money upfront if you do is the way I would approach it going forward
This comment is just brilliant, in fact I'm adopting it and am one Smile Pluto has been so unfairly excluded!!
hopeishere · 07/10/2021 17:53

my sister in law started shaking with tears in her eyes because we suggested we went to the cafe for lunch. @Movinghouseatlast that is really sad. Did she grow up very poor? How old is she?

minipie · 07/10/2021 18:14

I think in your shoes I would keep them as friends but never ever do anything involving spending money. Obviously this will limit your friendship but it doesn’t have to be as extreme as cutting them off totally.

This is the approach I take with, for example, friends who constantly cancel last minute. I don’t cut them off, but I only see them when they arrange it or in a group.

TheGrumpyGoat · 07/10/2021 18:19

@Movinghouseatlast

My sister in law and her husband are like this. I find it very irritating, but I think it is so bad in their case that its actually a psychological problem.

We went to a beach once and it turned out to be a much longer walk than we thought. It was lunchtime before we got there and my sister in law started shaking with tears in her eyes because we suggested we went to the cafe for lunch. She actually walked back to the cottage we were all staying in so she could make a sandwich rather than spend £2.20 on one.

They have never been out to eat unless someone else pays. Their house is furnished with sagging 50 year old sofas, falling apart furniture, their spare bed has the springs poking through.

They have over a million pounds in the bank.

What’s the point in having all that money if you don’t do anything with it?!