My boyfriend had a rough time a few years ago before we met. A car accident left him in agony. He will be in pain for the rest of his life and the operation he had only helped him walk but has left him in chronic pain and it flares up to extreme.
When he was going through this he was in a long term relationship with someone. They were together 8 years and so they had alot of history. They didn't have children together and so she threw herself into a career. He became quite depressed and got too reliant on drink for the pain. She enjoyed a bottle of wine every night and Is very outgoing. Loves to party with friends and was very independent. They grew apart. Argued. Didn't want the same things. Alot of mistrust went on between them with phones etc. Money seemed a big issue between them too. Basically messy. He moved out and started renting January 2020. Quit drinking. Hasn't touched a drop since.
Me and him met through friends 15 months ago and we have become extremely close. It's slow moving but we've got into a relationship now and things are great. But his ex still plays on his mind daily. They text. She's protective over him. He's abit the same. They don't particularly see eachother but they communicate through phones.
He has been open and honest that he cares for her. They are just friends. He's had therapy over their split 2.5 years ago. But I just don't feel he's dealt with it and I'm not really convinced he can love me in a healthy way if he's still thinking of the past.
He does open up to Me and acknowledge there was alot wrong with them. I know I cant decide how someone else should feel. But I do feel based on the wrongs they had in the relationship he shouldn't be this caught up on her still.
They have not wanted to be together but they both know too much about the others lives still and I suspect he's fearing the day she moves on.
He is aware I don't always feel comfortable with it and he tries to reassure me. I just don't know how to make him see I'm not jelous or controlling but I feel he needs to start moving on properly and not texting her and keeping up. This is definitely guilt and emotions not a positive friendship. She wasn't happy when we started talking. She questioned it. So she also is struggling.