What’s best for my children

[Snoop85]

If you have seen any of my previous threads you’ll know that my life is far from perfect. Chaotic in fact. I’ve been a single parent for 7 years now with a few terrible men come and go. I have 2 children, my daughter is 13. She actually just perfect. She’s strong minded but absolutely loyal to the core. My son is 10, he’s very sensitive but loving and kind.
They have a brilliant relationship with their dad, they go their every other weekend and love spending time with him. We have always had a good relationship and have never had to go to court for anything.
He has a long term relationship and they have a beautiful 7 bed house with a pool and guest house in the country now. The children absolutely love it there.
I have them full time, I perfectly adequate house and they have their own rooms.
They want to go to their dads again for Christmas this year because of the lights and decorations on the house apparently.
I can’t help feeling like I’m losing them because I can’t give them what their dad can and it’s breaking my heart.
I only want them to be happy. Would they be better off with him?

Of course they wouldn't.
They love going there because its exciting and different. What you can provide at home is so much more than that. Stability, security, love and many more things. You are worth so much more than you give yourself credit for. You're their Mum. ❤

What kind of ‘terrible’ men have come and gone?

Of course not, give your head a wobble!
"Better off" isn't only measured in hard cash and square footage.

They are kids. Of COURSE they will be uncontrollably excited about a house with a pool, and a dad who can afford to shower them with gifts and excitement and Christmas lights.

Deep down you know that what counts is that you are showing them real life, real love. Letting them stay with their dad and co-parenting nicely is real love. It might not always be obvious to them while they are kids but what you are giving them is valuable too.

Having said that, maybe keep the disastrous men out of the picture until you are absolutely 100% sure of them in future!

Happy Christmas in advance, hope you pamper yourself rotten while the kids are away!

Of course they wouldn't be better off with him.

But maybe consider staying single. The disastrous men won't help the situation. I'm also a single mum and have vowed never to bring men around DS.

If I was you I would be patting myself on the back because your "perfect daughter and 'kind loving' son are mostly your own work ! Something to be really proud of..

As for Christmas - it sounds like this is the first time they are going for Christmas and your daughter is 13 ? I would say it's about time !! I know it's hard on you but their dad has missed a whole bunch of Christmases . So yes. Big girl pants time. Plaster on a smile and fake enthusiasm and send them off with a 'have a great time - I'm having a kids free Christmas this year . ! (Whatever you do - do not make them feel sad or guilty about doing something like spending Christmas with their dad . Even if it feels really shit )

As for the men . Please DON'T make any daft 'vows' like Waxonwaxoff0. No child needs a mummy martyr in their lives. Of course you should have a relationship if you want to . However - if you have a good relationship with their dad , just restrict it to when they are with him and then when sure - introduce him outside the home to see how he behaves with you AND children.
Many men behave quite decently when their partner is i encumbered by kids. They get all the focus . Do not have to consider the feelings of anyone but you. Nor do they have to consider that your time with your children is primarily focussed on them.
So - no, you don't need to stay away from men - but you do need to be sure they are fully mature adult males who understand that your focus - when you are all together as a unit - will be on them. Something that many men struggle with especially if the kids aren't theirs .

Can you split Xmas? We have it so that the kids are with parent a Xmas Eve until 2 on Xmas day then with parent b from 2pm Xmas day and Boxing Day. We alternate new year depending when it falls. We have done this for 10 years now.

Thank you ladies, I really do appreciate your views and comments. It always puts things into perspective for me x

@Finknottlesnewt

If I was you I would be patting myself on the back because your "perfect daughter and 'kind loving' son are mostly your own work ! Something to be really proud of..

As for Christmas - it sounds like this is the first time they are going for Christmas and your daughter is 13 ? I would say it's about time !! I know it's hard on you but their dad has missed a whole bunch of Christmases . So yes. Big girl pants time. Plaster on a smile and fake enthusiasm and send them off with a 'have a great time - I'm having a kids free Christmas this year . ! (Whatever you do - do not make them feel sad or guilty about doing something like spending Christmas with their dad . Even if it feels really shit )

As for the men . Please DON'T make any daft 'vows' like Waxonwaxoff0. No child needs a mummy martyr in their lives. Of course you should have a relationship if you want to . However - if you have a good relationship with their dad , just restrict it to when they are with him and then when sure - introduce him outside the home to see how he behaves with you AND children.
Many men behave quite decently when their partner is i encumbered by kids. They get all the focus . Do not have to consider the feelings of anyone but you. Nor do they have to consider that your time with your children is primarily focussed on them.
So - no, you don't need to stay away from men - but you do need to be sure they are fully mature adult males who understand that your focus - when you are all together as a unit - will be on them. Something that many men struggle with especially if the kids aren't theirs .

It's not about being a martyr. I'm not a martyr, I don't need a partner to be happy. It's about doing what's best for your children and stepfamily situations are rarely ever best.