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Original poster

Need to withdraw, help please!

23 replies

Wanttohideaway · 06/10/2021 00:17

Hello,
In a nutshell I am dealing with a lot in my life and need to step away (temporarily) from social occasions / friendships as I do not feel I can cope right now with added pressure. How can I say to people "please give me about 6 weeks to be left alone" without sounding horrible or rude. Just need some time get my head together. My aunt recently passed away suddenly, my dad is ill and my DD has recently been diagnosed with autism. I can't talk to friends face to face about what's going on without getting all emotional and I find it hard to open up. Is there a way I could word it on a generic text somehow to say thank you for texting however I need space due to a difficult time? But then I'll probably get loads of replies asking what's wrong etc. I know people mean well, I just need time out to focus on my DD and dad at the moment, plus my job etc. I'm not normally anti social to this extent and I do enjoy seeing friends it's just that I don't feel able to for the time being. I don't want people to think they've done anything wrong because they haven't and I haven't just ghosted them.

OP posts:

PomBearWithoutHerOFRS · 06/10/2021 00:39

Tell them you're going on a retreat/to an ashram/into rehab/to a commune for two months and will be in touch when you get back. ,
Wherever it is is off grid and/or doesn't allow devices or internet. It's a wonderful opportunity and you're really looking forward to it.

Original poster

Wanttohideaway · 06/10/2021 00:43

Thank you for the reply. They wouldn't believe me if I told them that as I have my DC and would still be seen on school run etc. I wish I hadn't got to leave my house and interact at the moment, I don't have the emotional strength to deal with peopl face to face.

OP posts:

Original poster

Wanttohideaway · 06/10/2021 00:43

*People

OP posts:

NoTimeToDye · 06/10/2021 01:09

"Dear friends, I'm sorry if I haven't responded to your messages recently. I just want to let you know that DD and dad aren't well atm so I need to take a step back from everything to focus on them for the next couple of months. All will be fine I'm sure and I look forward to catching up over a drink at xmas. Until then, love Wanttohideaway."

BlackeyedSusan · 06/10/2021 01:11

Are you autistic as well?

Tell them you have a finger/ hand condition that needs rest so no texting.

Or just tell them you are taking time to grieve.

FluffyWhiteBird · 06/10/2021 01:21

If you get more messages after you've asked to be left alone just ignore them, even if they're asking questions. If it gets too much turn off your phone and get a new cheap one for now. Or get a new SIM card and put the old one somewhere safe for when you want to be back in touch with everyone.

Happylittlethoughts · 06/10/2021 06:32

"Hey XXXX,
As you know life has thrown a few big curve balls in our family recently . Just to let you know that I'm going to take some quiet time to process everything for myself and support those concerned.
Your support ?/friendship?/love? is very important to me so I didn't want you to worry? /be offended ? as I'll be inactive on social media and not up for meet ups etc for a wee while.
A quiet time is much needed by all here.
I'll be in touch when we feel a bit stronger.
Love XXXXXX "
Something like this that you can tweak?
Unless you have a lot of contacts and it really needs to be a blanket message, I'd use their name to name it more personal and minimise offense.(too strong a word but you know what I mean)
You could refer to some of your personal characteristics like " you know me, I need a bit of time to lick my wounds in private.." "I'm best when I get to grip with things by myself for a while first..."
This way it's a personal link they can relate to and understand and agree with etc.
Good luck OP

Twizbe · 06/10/2021 06:47

Do you have one friend who is a bit closer / chats to other friends?

I'd message just them and say just what you've told us. They can pass the message around so to speak so you don't get inundated with questions.

romdowa · 06/10/2021 07:01

I'd just tell them you've broken your phone.

Original poster

Wanttohideaway · 06/10/2021 07:07

@BlackeyedSusan I'm not autistic.
Thank you for all replies, much appreciated

OP posts:

Polmuggle · 06/10/2021 07:14

@FluffyWhiteBird

That's a great way to lose friends

Polmuggle · 06/10/2021 07:15

Sorry, ignore that! ^

MydogWillow · 06/10/2021 07:18

@Happylittlethoughts

"Hey XXXX, As you know life has thrown a few big curve balls in our family recently . Just to let you know that I'm going to take some quiet time to process everything for myself and support those concerned. Your support ?/friendship?/love? is very important to me so I didn't want you to worry? /be offended ? as I'll be inactive on social media and not up for meet ups etc for a wee while. A quiet time is much needed by all here. I'll be in touch when we feel a bit stronger. Love XXXXXX " Something like this that you can tweak? Unless you have a lot of contacts and it really needs to be a blanket message, I'd use their name to name it more personal and minimise offense.(too strong a word but you know what I mean) You could refer to some of your personal characteristics like " you know me, I need a bit of time to lick my wounds in private.." "I'm best when I get to grip with things by myself for a while first..." This way it's a personal link they can relate to and understand and agree with etc. Good luck OP

This is perfect.

MydogWillow · 06/10/2021 07:19

Sending you and a hand hold

5zeds · 06/10/2021 07:22

Just tell them you’re crazy busy and arrange to meet up at a date when you think things will be quieter.

I had a similar tsunami when ds was diagnosed. Can I just say that that crying and emotion is part of finding your way and it’s OK. Sharing grief and confusion and your more broken side is not weak, and won’t make it worse. We need to feel these things to shoulder the hard stuff.

PegasusReturns · 06/10/2021 07:24

I’m afraid sending a generic text to all comms is a bit weird as it’s inevitably going to prompt suggestions of help or suspicion of extreme attention seeking.

Surely a better response to Would be to simply decline meets ups - say you’re not feeling well/got a lot on/grieving and you’ll be in touch in a few weeks.

If people want to chat, just say you’re not up for chatting. If they have a question presumably you can just answer it.

I’ve had friends fall in and out of comms for short periods for various reasons over the years: bereavement, stress, illness. There’s no need to create a drama over it.

UseOfWeapons · 06/10/2021 07:30

Op, sending a handhold 💐
A dear friend of mine wrote to all of her friends a few years back, when her teenage son attempted suicide. She told us that she hadn’t stopped caring about us, but she really needed to focus on her daughter, herself and her family for while, and asked us not to contact her, apart from a simple , one-off, text to say that we understood. I simply sent a her a ‘Thinking of you, and will be here if and when you’re ready’. I didn’t contact her again, until she wrote again about a year later.
If these people care about you, they will respect your wishes, and anyone who doesn’t, block. Sometimes there’s just not enough headspace to deal with other people’s stuff, however much you are friends.

Polkadots2021 · 06/10/2021 08:02

OP just tell them, short and sweet, they'll totally get it. Just say you'll be under the radar for a few weeks, nothing dramatic, you just need to regroup a bit as you're having a bit of a hard time at the moment and you'll get back in touch when you're feeling your old self again! It's fine and more common than you'd think, everyone will totally get it.

ILiedAboutBeingTheOutdoorType · 06/10/2021 08:09

Dear xxx,
As you know I've got quite a lot of stuff going on at the moment with my dad being ill and a couple of other things, so apologies in advance, but I won't really be on social media or up for socialising, messaging etc for the next couple of months. Nothing personal if it seems like I'm ignoring you! Hopefully catch up nearer to Christmas x

Kerikerikeri · 06/10/2021 08:37

I would be honest.

I wouldn’t make a big announcement but if someone gets in touch just tell them you’ve got a lot going on at the moment and that you will be in touch when things settle down.

Although I think it would be good for you to connect with close friends - it’s ok to be emotional. I’ve been going through some hard times recently and minimal time with close friends has really helped at times.

Original poster

Wanttohideaway · 08/10/2021 13:04

Thank you.

OP posts:

dreamkitchenhelp · 08/10/2021 13:15

If you were my friend and you sent me that, I would respond to let you know I am here if you need me and I might check-in with you from time to time to let you know I haven't forgotten you but I don't expect you to answer if you don't want to.
Look forward to catching when you feel ready.
Just saying you might get a few texts back but hopefully in a positive way.

1forAll74 · 08/10/2021 14:18

I think that I would write to people, and tell them how you are feeling, and just explain that it is just a personal thing for you at the moment. I am not into chatting on phones or sending texts at all, A letter or note to people, will stay in their minds for longer, and they will take more notice of what your wishes are, and you may get a note or letter back from some people, without having to see them then.

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