Boyfriend or partner or SO or wtf?

[lolliwillowes]

Ive come across a few posters recently who consider the word 'partner' as a word to describe one's unmarried other half is a cringe word.

I will be honest, when I was very young it was only used by same sex couples, which is great, and perhaps due to them not being able to marry then, perfectly understandable. Also many people don't wish to reveal gender or whatnot, and that's fine too.

But why is it cringe to use it to describe a long term, heterosexual couple? I don't use it much myself, but have been with my DP for 30 yrs. I tend to refer to him as the other half, which is a bit daft, but at our age boyfriend seems even worse.

what say you?

Yeah I agree that "boyfriend" can seem a bit odd when you're older.

We're engaged and would've been married had it not been for covid. I feel weird saying fiance and he's not my boyfriend so partner it is.

I think it’s fine if you’re using it to describe a LTR. I find it cringey when it’s just used in the place of boyfriend or girlfriend where not appropriate: somebody you have been dating for three months is not your partner, you do not have a partnership. I much prefer it to fiancé because, even though I have one, it doesn’t exactly trip off my tongue.

My objection is people who use “partner” to describe someone they are dating. It should be reserved for a serious relationship on-par with a marriage, but where you have simply chosen not to marry. It’s for relationships where you are planning lives together and making financial decisions with consideration to the other person. It’s not for talking about the guy you have been out with 3 times or even that you have dated casually long term.

I alternate between partner and other half depending on wjlho I'm talking to I suppose. Been together 20ish years. I think partner is absolutely fine for a long term relationship.

I use partner as being 50 I feel stupid saying boyfriend, despite us not living together yet. We alternate between mine and his places and are in the process of buying a place together, so I feel 'partner' is ok.

I think most people understand 'partner' to mean a committed romantic relationship, though it does get confusing when talking about a business partner who you also see socially. I've had a few friends who say 'lover' which really is cringey.

There seem to be a lot of threads on this topic lately. Mostly posters seem to agree it isn't cringe where you actually are life partners who've been together years and share responsibilities (financial responsibilities, children, pets) and intend, so faras anyone ever czn, to be together for life.

Its cringe when teenagers use it about their boy/ girlfriend of three weeks, or when adults use it about someone they've only been on a few dayes with though!

I used to work with a woman who was with her OH for 20 something years. She referred to him as OH because people assumed it was a same sex relationship if she said partner.

I think I probably only use partner on here. We are engaged but fiancé sounds weird.

I just say lover (in a piss taking way) its a much prettier word

I just use it online because I feel like if I said "boyfriend" or "husband" or whatever it's slightly less anonymous.

I have two partners. They are the men with whom I regularly play bridge!
However I don’t have a romantic partner. DH died 30 years ago.
I don’t see much objection to partner as a synonym for boyfriend/lover.

It is also used for tennis partners, business partners, anywhere that two people are engaged in some undertaking together.
How about the Scottish dialect option of calling him your man, OP? Or “bidie in” if you live together.

If it's intended to indicate a serious, quasi-marital relationship, I'm not sure it serves the purpose - I've posted about my 'partner' in the past and had posters take great pleasure in insisting that, although we live together and have a child together, I'm 'just a girlfriend' if we're not married.

I think MN is quite odd about terminology/attitudes around relationships. IME most people understand 'partner' as a perfectly normal, non-committal term to cover a variety of relationships.

I've always felt that partner sounded a bit ... unromantic. You can have a business partner, a tennis partner etc.

Though as it's been in use longer it's starting to get the implied romance similar to fiancé, wife, husband etc

@DriftingBlue

My objection is people who use “partner” to describe someone they are dating. It should be reserved for a serious relationship on-par with a marriage, but where you have simply chosen not to marry. It’s for relationships where you are planning lives together and making financial decisions with consideration to the other person. It’s not for talking about the guy you have been out with 3 times or even that you have dated casually long term.

This sums it up well. Partner implies a long term joint commitment.

I don’t like other half, I’m perfectly whole without a partner!