Three year old always wanting to be carried

[WildWombat]

He won't walk anywhere under his own steam and it's starting to be a source of stress. We can't go for family walks unless he rides on DH's shoulders. He mostly refuses the pushchair or the buggy board although we sometimes get lucky. I guess I just wanted to ask other parents is this is pretty typical for a just turned three year old? We're not expecting him to walk a four mile hike or anything, but a stroll around the block without breaking our backs would be nice. We expect a bit of dawdling as he looks at things along the way, but he just sits on the path until someone picks him up. It's so stressful trying to persuade/bribe him to walk it's not worth going any more. Is this normal for this age? And if so when does it get easier?

Thanks for posting this OP, I have the same issue with my four year old so I'm reading with interest. There is some hypermobility in the family so maybe there is a physical reason for it. DD also likes to be carried up and downstairs and will cry as though she is being abandoned at the top of the stairs if I refuse to oblige.
The only suggestion I can give is that I have noticed DD is much worse if she is genuinely tired e.g was late to sleep the previous night. In fairness to her, having her being physically lazy if she is tired is much easier to put up with than if she was cranky, she is a very sunny natured little person, so I tend not to go too hard on her!

By picking him up every time he tantrums, you’re literally making a rod for your back. He has ‘learnt’ that if he screams and shouts, he will get his own way.

Plan a walk and explain that you are not going to carry him. I remember on Supernanny (or something similar), they suggested giving dc a sticker every time he reached the next lamppost. If he got five (one for each finger) he got a reward.

If on the walk, he has a tantrum, let him. Explain that you will not pick him up, as it’s time for a walk. If you’re nervous about doing this on a road, go to a park or inside shopping centre where it’s safer.

I used to get DS2 to run to me for hugs (but refuse to pick up) it wore off (slowly) with age.

With DS1 I had the buggy/ carriers which meant that he could be relieved of stretches of walking. It turns out that he has ASD and hyper-mobility so I'm glad I didn't battle too hard. The toughest stage was when he was 2 and I was pregnant with SPD and could not push the buggy.

They're both great walkers now and can hike for 8 miles and do parkruns in less than 33 mins.

Just be aware there could be more to it than you realise.
Ds loved to be carried. Not go in the buggy etc.

I now know that he had glue ear and the carrying meant that his ear was close to my mouth so he cold hear or he could look and lip read. What I thought was being a bit comfortable, was actually he struggled to hear outside so found a solution to help.

It's so interesting hearing all these comments, thank you all! Lots of ideas to try, and lots of us in the same boat by the looks of it! He's a naturally snuggly boy so I think half of it is he just wants to be near someone for reassurance. And attention seeking to offset the fact we're wheeling DD round in a pushchair. Toddlers are such hard work! It's exhausting trying to work out their thought processes and trying to do the right thing to encourage them...all on no sleep (thanks DD). Hats off to all parents who manage to nail this!

Have you tried just leaving him sitting there? Not actually abandoning him but not giving in and picking him up. He’s getting too big to carry I’m sure.

Also try telling him that the trolls will come steal him away if he keeps sitting there. The cries of 3yr olds especially attracts them.

My third son was just like this, Op. There would always be comments that I shouldn’t be carrying him. But he loved it. He is my most cuddly and affectionate child, still, and he’s grown up now.

Maybe it hurts to walk?

Sorry if this has been mentioned but have you looked at toddler/preschooler carriers? I know Tula do a preschooler carrier that goes on your back and can take weights up to 31kg (for reference the average 4 year old is around 18kg)
Much more comfortable for you as weight is distributed across shoulders and hips like when you wear a heavy backpack, the straps are padded and its actually designed for the purpose.

Good luck, OP - this stage with a new baby is exhausting, but it gets easier! You're doing the right thing to try and help encourage him to do as much as he can, without being punitive, but just keep in mind there may be a reason.

Funnily enough, although it was sometimes exhausting, carrying my children turns out to have been one of my fave parts of parenting them in their early years - and they can remember it fondly, too.

(And never forget that Supernanny has no qualifications and no children of her own 😬)

"Also try telling him that the trolls will come steal him away if he keeps sitting there. The cries of 3yr olds especially attracts them."

Fuck me... stepping away from this thread now 🤯

Refusing works but you have to be so so consistent. DS1 does this with DH but not me - because I had really bad SPD while pregnant with DS2 so literally couldn't carry him, which he did eventually learn. But even though we therefore know that if DH just refused to pick him up he'd adjust as he did with me DH just doesn't want to have the battle every walk, and I can understand that. In some ways I feel quite lucky that I really couldn't as it meant there wasn't a choice about whether to refuse.

When our 3yo is uncooperative with walking, getting him to look for things is a good game. He likes hunting for slugs and snails. Or walking to somewhere he wants to go, like a local park. Take the 7mo in the carrier and go without the buggy so he can clearly see there is no option other than walking. We have a double buggy but tend to break it out when he's ill or tired or we need him contained rather than all the time.

You might consider giving the scooter early - we just got a bigger bike for our 3yo and took it from the Christmas budget but he has it already in order to get some good weather time in before it gets really cold. At 3 they don't know the value of things, so smaller/cheaper presents on Christmas day won't matter.

And yes a check up does seem like a good idea - although DS2 will ask for the buggy/to be carried if he thinks it's an option, when he does not, he doesn't think anything of walking/running around. So always refusing does potentially point to something out of the ordinary.

Mine did the sitting down thing a couple of times. I just didn't mention it, sat down next to her and got my book out. She got bored a lot more quickly than I did. Also coincided with new baby here.

Oh I missed the bit about the scooter for Christmas - agree that you should just give it now. It was an absolute game changer for us - not only does it mean he stops mithering DH to be picked up every five seconds, it also means we can go at something approaching adult pace and a reasonable distance.

DD was like this with DH at that age (but not with me, I must be bad cop!) Now she’s closer to 4 she’ll only occasionally ask to go on DH’s shoulders and usually happily runs or walks (or skips) for ages. The scooter was great for getting through the intervening period.

DD would happily hike at that age, the rockier the path the better. Walk 10 m around the block? No chance! She was my youngest, so I never went out without the buggy until she was 4.5 unless I was with DH who would end up carrying her.