Tracking apps on 11 year old's phone.

[keepsgettingworse]

We have Life 360 on our phones. For years it's just been DH and me, now DD has started high school, we've installed it on hers, which has proved useful a couple of times when she thought the bus was going the wrong way, or went the wrong way to school.

I mentioned this on Facebook and someone thought it was bad that I was tracking her. I'm not sure she understands what the app is, or whether she thinks that I'm stalking her, but I feel safer knowing that I can look up where DD is and she feels safe knowing where we are and that if she gets lost I can find her easily.

Am I wrong? I'm now wondering if others would think I'm invading her privacy?

She also has Qustodio on her phone (due to her not being trustworthy on what she does/downloads/messages she's sent), and her schoolfriends were shocked saying that we shouldn't be tracking what she does online. That would be fine, but she's looked up things that she shouldn't have and has engaged in messages with strangers that were inappropriate, so she knows why we have strict parental controls on her at the moment (she is allowed Whatsapp after being denied it, due to it being the main way her form communicates).

I'm doubting myself now. As a parent it is my job to keep her safe, both online and in person, but the fact that friend's don't have apps such as Life 360 or parental controls, makes me wonder if I'm doing it wrong?

Blimey. I'm considered insanely relaxed and permissive and nothing you've said makes me think you're crossing a line. I mean, I assume your'e not tracking her 24/7 and then quizzing her about what route she took or whatever? DS went to our local town with a friend for the first time last week and we checked where he was twice to make sure that a) he'd made it okay and b) he was in town and hadn't wandered off (he's nearly 11).

I don't know about parental control apps as such but the rule in this house is that we can look at Ds' phone whenever we like. I pay for it, he's not even 11 - that's just the way it is. I don't have to look at it a lot but if he ever tried to stop me, I'd take it away form him. I don't read his messages. Just scan through to check no inappropriate content/contacts etc.

Loads of people will say your wrong and tell you in my day my parents didn't know where I was or what I was doing

Me personally? Times have changed tracking a phone is the normal I track my own phone my sons has tracking on it I don't bother looking it up because I trust him to be where he says he is if he gets lost he knows how to use the WhatsApp location button so I can find him if he had ever looked up dodgy things or talked to strangers I wouldn't hesitate to go further

As a parent it's our duty to keep the children safe

I don't like them, but if she is travelling alone on public buses it sounds sensible.
I think it's important your daughter understands it is on her phone.
Personally I would delete it when she is a teenager - unless your daughter feels safer keeping it.

My ex Dh tracked me, grim. BUT this is completely different, you’re not overstepping at all, if she is unable at present, to keep herself safe then it’s great that you’re doing it for her.

I think you're fine. I would let her know you're doing this though and explain why.
Random phone checking (almost never done as DD is on a family apple ID so isn't too fussed about privacy!) is also a condition of phone ownership.
DD has actually found it quite helpful to be open with the fact that her parents have access to her messages as she's never received any rude/bullying ones...

To those who think this is unreasonable - she also has apps that allow private messages and uses those for privacy but we know she has these - it's not a secret. It's a balance and she's generally shown very good judgement.

her schoolfriends were shocked saying that we shouldn't be tracking what she does online. That would be fine, but she's looked up things that she shouldn't have and has engaged in messages with strangers that were inappropriate, so she knows why we have strict parental controls on her at the moment (she is allowed Whatsapp after being denied it, due to it being the main way her form communicates).

She is 11 years old. If she is already communicating with online strangers in any way, let alone in inappropriate ways, then you absolutely have to have her phone locked down as tight as possible.
Even if she wasn't doing this, you still should be monitoring her online activity very closely.

YANBU!!!
My DS and I have find my friends enabled and have done since he started going anywhere without me. He likes that I can see where he is as he's still at the age where the bus not turning up or missing a train will freak him out and he needs support. I'll stop when he's older if he asks me to but when they are still young why on Earth not?

YANBU

I use Find my iPhone on my dcs phones and I'm going to look up the other one you mentioned. I don't mind my dc having privacy and I trust them, I just don't necessarily trust other people!

Yanbu
I have qustodio on my 13 year olds phone for similar reasons. She knows it's there, it was an agreement of her being allowed her phone. She also has an hours bus journey on public bus to get to/from school, I occasionally track her to check she got on the bus if she's late home.
You will get some people telling you that you're invading her privacy, I'm ok with this, it's my job to keep her safe and set appropriate boundaries, this helps. You do what works for you.

I use find my iPhone for my dd and DH

Dh is to know when to get dinner ready if he’s coming in at an odd time

Dd when she’s out of school and where. She doesn’t go out and about yet. But id use it for that too

Thank you all.

I don't check it excessively at all. I'm quite anxious anyway, so knowing that she's got to school safely allows me to relax a bit.

It's useful for knowing when to put dinner on as I can see when DH is leaving work.

She seems happy with it. She definitely knows what we have on her phone.

There was nothing like this when my son was at school, he'd have had it too if it were available then.

Thanks again.

I have tracking on my 11 year olds phone too. Find my kids. He knows its on there, and it was the condition of me getting him a new phone for starting secondary. I don't give a shit what anyone thinks - he is 11 years old and he gets a train to the next town followed by a walk to school. I want to know he is in the right place at the right time. I can see that he's on the train so I can pick them up from the station.
I dont track the 14 year old as I feel he's old enough now to allow him some privacy.

I have tracking and Qustudio and time limits on dd(13)’s phone. In the same way as I’ll start her off on quiet side streets, not the big dual carriageway, when she learns to drive.

As she shows more judgement and experience, I’ll gradually step back (I have already, in some ways), with the aim of getting her safely to full independence and control at 18.

I am 22 years old and I still share my location with my mum! (My choice)
I think it's definitely the safest option, as long as you're not questioning every single place she goes (as this can make children become secretive) and are just using it to ensure she got to where she needs to be okay then I completely agree!
As for the tracking her phone, if you have told her not to download certain things etc and she has done them anyway then maybe it is for the best, her and her friends are too young to understand yet but when she's older she will realise you were only trying to keep her safe.

Yanbu.
My teens have Google family link. It ls mainly to stop nighttime use of their phones. But it is handy to check they are on their way home. DD and her friends walk slower than snails .

Yes, it's called parenting. We do it. Life 360 for safety to see where they are, and screen time app for limiting use of YouTube, tictoc etc. I find it bizarre that on Mumsnet it seems that up to age 10 your child should be treated as a toddler and never ever left alone for a moment but as soon as they start secondary school they should have absolute privacy on their phone and no restrictions on anything eg let them stay out with friends til 10pm.

Keeping children and teenagers safe in real life and online is absolutely part of parenting, and whatever they may think, secondary school children need just as much guidance and boundaries as younger children, if not more.

We all have find my phone. Same thing? Isn’t it?