ASD/Aspergers as an adult

[Blaziken]

Has anyone come to the realisation as an adult that they are on the spectrum? I have thought this about myself for years. Recently, I have done some deeper research and am now absolutely sure.

Did you get a diagnosis? Is there any point? I think it would help me but I'm a bit scared to pursue it to be honest.

Maybe this will shed some light? Though I shouldn't imagine that there will be a blanket approach. Some tests may be tailored towards specific persons and what is better for them.

www.nice.org.uk/about/nice-communities/social-care/quick-guides/assessment-and-diagnosis-of-autism-what-to-expect

I think I probably am (two dc diagnosed and parent whom I suspect) I haven't got a diagnosis and have decided not to have an assessment at this point in time because I don't feel it will change anything however if I felt it would help in the future I would have an assessment.

I'm on a waiting list for a full assessment, because various health professionals recommended it.

Is it weird that I'm totally uninterested in it? Do not care at all one way or the other. I've had all these links and book recommendations thrown in my direction, and some people around me are acting as if this should be a personal revelation of some kind, and I just... really don't get it.

My dad will just refuses to engage as "there is nothing wrong with me"

Autism isn't a disease, autistic people don't have something wrong with them, they are neurodiverse, alongside lots of people with other conditions.

Sorry, forgot to attach graphics

Just to be clear - I know there is nothing wrong with autistic people.

My parents still don't know that I was diagnosed

Pythonista I'm not sure I would tell my dad to be honest. I tried bringing it up and he dismissed it straight away. My mum would have been supportive. I miss her.

I was diagnosed in my early 30s, NHS assessment. Downside was it was about 18 months from referral to assessment but at least it was free! I cried when I was diagnosed, it was so good to finally have my diagnosis and to have an explanation for why I am how I am.

On a personal level, I’m much kinder to myself than I was before I was diagnosed. I give myself time to rest, especially after social events. I give myself permission to do things at my pace instead of trying to NT. this has resulted in an improvement in my mental health and less burnout.

I work for the NHS, now I have disclosed my diagnosis I am better off at work in terms of support and protection (not always understanding, I still have to fight for that). I do things like have a lanyard for when I go to busy public places and when I travel. Additional support depends on the place and their education. Manchester Airport and Virgin Atlantic were particularly good at supporting me last time I went on a long flight.

For me, getting a diagnosis was one of the best things I’ve done in my adult life. It’s changed how I see myself and how I treat myself. I’m accepting that I’m Autistic me instead of trying (and failing) to be neurotypical all the time.

Pontiac that's a great story. That's what I want from it I think. I'm glad it has made your life better.

My GP has an email service. I might try this as I find it easier writing it all down than saying it.

I also have two friends I met not long before my assessment who both went on to be assessed and diagnosed, it has made a big difference to them too.

My GP was quite skeptical and even said Well I don’t think you’re Autistic but if you really want me to, I’ll refer you. Would love to have been a fly on the wall when she got my assessment report back! It’s worth making a list of reasons you think you’re Autistic before you go. The Tania Marshall list can be helpful to pinpoint your issues (scroll down): taniaannmarshall.wordpress.com/2013/03/26/moving-towards-a-female-profile-the-unique-characteristics-abilities-and-talents-of-asperwomen-adult-women-with-asperger-syndrome/

I know some others who've been diagnosed as adults, and I think for me part of why I can't feel into this idea is that I don't feel I fit into the narrative. The other people I know are all much more like the stories in this thread: at least somewhat functioning, working (even if not finding it easy), actively looking and pursuing the diagnosis and finding an explanation in it.

I'm quite mentally unwell with a long list of diagnoses. Can't work, because I can't deal with people or stress and get overwhelmed very quickly. I no longer have any faith in any mental health services, so I doubt I'd be able to accept any more "support". I think I've just totally stopped trusting or caring about any of the various labels people in the NHS choose to attach to me (beyond anxiety I've never felt any of them fitted), and I don't think this would be any different.

The only positive I can think of - and the reason I've agreed to have the diagnostic assessment - is that I imagine ASD would be a decent explanation to give to other people. Eg. if I'm out somewhere (socialising, in an appointment, whatever) and suddenly get very overwhelmed in a visible way and cannot deal with the situation. I assume ASD would offer more explanation than simply mumbling about anxiety.

As for assessment, different teams work in different ways. We didn’t have and my old team still don’t have a practical assessment.

Gah, to those people saying you can't be asd, unless you are formally diagnosed-seriously.
Of course you need a formal diagnosis to be considered autistic.

I am saying that I think I am autistic, but haven't been down the formal diagnostic path. Like I said, my son's paediatrician thinks I am, and my psychologist thinks I am. But yes, I would need to go down the formal route. I would need to do it privately here (overseas) and that costs thousands. I don't have that sort of money spare, which is a shame.

Those that are parents - do you have difficulties? I guess I'm worried that being diagnosed would mean that people will make assumptions about my parenting. I think I'm a good parent.

The only hurdles I've had to overcome with parenting is phone calls and appointments. They give me anxiety, but I do them because my children need me to. I make sure I've plenty if down time afterwards to recover from the effort and the masking.
DS1 has a cardiology appointment this afternoon. I've been preparing mysekf for it all day.

One thing about being autistic, my DS2 is autistic and because I know what its like I feel like I'm much more in tune with his needs than I would be otherwise. That's not to say NT parents aren't in tune with their children, but they can't fully understand what it's like to to autistic if they're not autistic.

Thanks. I feel the same way about appointments and phone calls. My youngest DC needs fairly regular appointments and it takes a lot of mental effort. I do it because she needs it and also need recovery time. Realising this is really helping actually.

It's the playdates I really struggle with. I just don't know how to organise them. There seems to be an unwritten etiquette around organising them that I am completely oblivious to and I feel terrible about it. Does anyone else feel this way?

Honestly, I don't do play dates. Never have. DS2 doesn't cope with them anyway, DS1 is old enough to see his friends himself and DD has DS2 to play with.

Thank you. It really, really helps to know I'm not alone. Luckily my two have each other to play with and get on very well.

I can't really help there because I don't have children (yes I know, but I really love Mumsnet, it's fun!), but since a parent finding out about their own neuro diversity after the diagnosis of their own child is a fairly common occurrence, I wouldn't think that your parenting would be called into question. I've never known that happen before with all of the parents of ND DC getting diagnosed that I have heard about.

Gothica I was on here long before I had children. I like the humour

I like your name.

Thank you!

@Blaziken

Those that are parents - do you have difficulties? I guess I'm worried that being diagnosed would mean that people will make assumptions about my parenting. I think I'm a good parent.

Not difficulties as such but as pps the phone calls etc involved are tricky and tiring but for some reason I seem to be able to do for them things that I hardly do for myself.

Play dates were not something we really did because I didn't 'fit' the dynamics of any mum type groups be it at school, nursery or mums and toddlers. I took them to toddler groups because I thought it was the right thing to do, going back 17/18 years now but I sat as an outsider the whole time. Thing is it didn't bother me, I never had any desire to mix and the kids got plenty contact with others without additional arrangements.

I absolutely understand my DC (2 of them are autistic) and I can't think of anybody e who could ever do that more then me. My parenting may not be the same as everyone else's but so far I have 2 fully grown adults living their lives independently and successfully so that's good enough for me.

I read a lot about street or class WhatsApp groups on mumsnet, this is something I have never and would never take part in.

Thank you. I read some articles this morning that made me doubt myself a bit but I'm still sure I'm doing ok as a parent. I was the same with toddler groups and I found maternity leave very boring.

Just don't want my kids to be the one with the "weirdo mum".