Burnt out - how do I carry on

[wiltonism]

I know we've all been going through a lot of shite for the last eighteen months and I am not exceptional, but I've just about had enough. We've had MH issues with teenage DD, I've had too much work/not enough pay/various other work stresses and I have not had a holiday that lasted for more than a week for three years, and even when we do go I still have to cook. Oh, and peri-menopause just for the extra giggles.

And I am running on fumes. I'm tired, sleeping badly and could start a fight in an empty room. What's going to help me? I am currently at the stage where a nervous breakdown sounds like a really good idea, but I can't get signed off work because I am self-employed..

I've been deliberately vague about work and so on because I don't want to get into detailed suggestions about what might sort out those situation. What I really need to know is how to give myself the effects of a two week holiday when the only one we have booked is three days in Manchester at half term?

Or am I being ridiculous?

You can't find a quick fix to this ... if you are truly burnt out the only way is to actually rest (perhaps go away with a friend vs your children)

In a previous v stressful situation I had weekly massages, counselling etc... it kept things together for a whlle but once I could stop it took me many weeks of doing 'nothing' to feel normal again

You have to stop. Properly stop and rest before you have an actual proper nervous breakdown.

You need to take some time off work for a fortnight. You need to look at ways on how to make that happen.

@wiltonism

I know we've all been going through a lot of shite for the last eighteen months and I am not exceptional, but I've just about had enough. We've had MH issues with teenage DD, I've had too much work/not enough pay/various other work stresses and I have not had a holiday that lasted for more than a week for three years, and even when we do go I still have to cook. Oh, and peri-menopause just for the extra giggles.

And I am running on fumes. I'm tired, sleeping badly and could start a fight in an empty room. What's going to help me? I am currently at the stage where a nervous breakdown sounds like a really good idea, but I can't get signed off work because I am self-employed..

I've been deliberately vague about work and so on because I don't want to get into detailed suggestions about what might sort out those situation. What I really need to know is how to give myself the effects of a two week holiday when the only one we have booked is three days in Manchester at half term?

Or am I being ridiculous?

No you're not being ridiculous, you're being very very logical. Just from an exercise science perspective I'll answer this (I'm a PT/coach).

You're burned out as your adrenals are done for through being massively over exposed to too much stress hormones, it's affecting emotions majorly and now all your good hormones like dopamine and serotonin are pushed down, Testosterone will be too (yes women need testosterone too). So your hormones are majorly out of whack - that'll make peri worse and probably periods worse too, you'll experience anger/panic/depression/take your pick simply because of biological imbalance caused by the stress.

While mental health can be complex come from an exercise science angle its all about getting hormones and neurotransmitters back where they should be and believe me you will feel SO much better.

• exercise every single day, I sometimes work in a kick ass Gym but for much of my quarter century at this career I've preferred a beat up old exercise bike and dumbbells at home. Works fine
• make sure you do some strength work as well as cardio and always use kick ass music, Ramps the happy hormones up harder and faster
• get in nature whenever U can, it's an evolutionary thing that makes Ur happy hormones go up and stress chemicals Go down
• have sex often as it does a hell of a lot of good biologically (with someone or yourself, either are useful)
• take vitmains and mineral supps and a probiotic
• priority is sleep over literally every other single thing in your life, it's like the holy grail of fixing stress problems
• eat as healthy as is physically possible and please avoid keto and all that lo carb nonsense, it'll mess up your bio condition even more right now. Just eat healthy, little and often to keep up blood sugar, carbs, protein, good fats, fibre.
• and avoid social media cause it pushes up stress hormones more and you 100% don't need that right now

Good luck!!!

I hear you & think Polkdots makes some very good suggestions.
Ultimately, you have make yourself as much of a priority as everything else. The old chestnut of putting your oxygen mask on 1st before helping others.
It is something I also struggle with, but truly recognising that principle has started to help me.

Thank you everyone. I have taken the day off tomorrow and am going to try and be part time for the next couple of weeks.

@Polkadots2021 Thank you particularly. That's a plan, it is just what I need!

Sleep is my number one solution when I feel close to losing it.

Ditch the dishes, laundry, for one night. Just go to bed super early, start getting some rest. It slowly gets better.

Good on you for taking leave and taking a step back from work. Some me time will do you the world of good

@Polkadots2021 some excellent points there

Plus more saying no to people! Try to put yourself first a bit more

I always feel much more relaxed if I have been “off grid” and forced to have no access to my phone for a few days - usually that’s when I’m camping or staying somewhere remote so it is coupled with lots of being outdoors in nature.

Following this as I feel the same.

@Polkadots2021 you are spot on. Can I add that the OP should start taking magnesium supplements at bed time (Holland and Barratt do them). It will help with the peri insomnia madness and help calm everything down.... worked for me!

I have been in a very similar situation and I find the following helps:

Sleep is key to everything. Go to bed early and get a good evening routine which gets you away from screens, caffeine etc. Allow for 9-10 hours in bed if you can.

Try and get out for a walk every day

Don’t be tempted to ‘relax’ with wine in the evening

Manage your workload as best as possible. It’s great if you can be part time for a while

Find support for yourself in dealing with DDs MH issues - a trusted friend or peer support group

Personally I find SSRIs help me, but I’ve been on them for years. I have to make sure I’m taking them regularly

A really good quality multivitamin for women

A break from family life - I’m a single parent so I do get a break at weekends sometimes

Sorry to hear you are feeling this way. It is very difficult

I feel very similar. The other day I thought back on what I've been through the past 18 months (not even anything to do with the pandemic) and really wonder how I'm still going.

I've definitely found getting lots of rest and sleep makes things lots easier to deal with. I've been getting into bed by 9:30pm, and even if I'm not sleeping, the rest is good for me.

I also now have about 2 hours completely to myself twice a week and I'm planning to do something just for myself on at least one of those days, going to a class at the gym, trying to get back into running, or meeting a friend for a walk.

Hope things improve for you soon.

Great advice on here. Thank you.

I hope you start to feel better soon OP

I'm sorry to read this OP. I was in this situation before when my son was little and my work contract was a nightmare, so I know exactly how you feel.

Things you can do straight away

• Catch up on your sleep, go to bed early and rest before sleeping. Would suggest reading over watching tv. I fell asleep reading at 8.30 last night!

• Eat as healthy as you can - plenty of water, fresh fruit/vegetables. No alcohol, or if you do drink, minimise as much as possible.

• Simple breathing exercises - Use Insight Timer (free app) and start by doing deep breaths in and out for even a minute or two. 3-4-5 breathing is in for 3, hold for 4 out for 5. Will help reset your nervous system.

• Gentle movement - Get outside for a walk around the block every day, even if it's for 10/15 mins. I've personally found 15-20 min Yoga with Adriene videos really helpful too, they are very accessible.

• If possible reduce the amount of self employed work you are taking on at the moment - may be easier said than done.

• Look at other help around the house - Online food deliveries, cleaner, make sure husband and kids are pulling their weight.

I'd also recommend looking up Dr Chatterjee for more ideas. He has a number of books; 4 Pillar Plan or Feel Better in 5 would be the best ones to start with. They have been best sellers over the past few years, so the library should have copies if you don't want to buy one. He also has a podcast that's great to listen to, Feel Better Live More.

Also, Chloe Brotherbridge again has a podcast and talks a lot about stress/anxiety, from a woman's/mother's angle.

Best wishes, I hope you feel better soon

Self care. I don’t mean this in a wanky have a bath and meditate way (unless you enjoy it). But imagine you are your own parent, think about what an ill child needs, sleep, fresh air, not too many demands, a nap, nutritious foods. don’t take this as a time to start on an epic self health quest, you need to take things easy for a bit. As someone who did have breakdown, take some time off holiday or sick if you need it. Don’t let things go to far before you start to fix it.

If peri-menopause is an issue, I’d suggest you explore HRT. I felt the same way into my mid/late 40s and started HRT after trying all sorts to get back on an even keel, it’s honestly been life changing. Better sleep, less anxiety and brain fog, more even moods and feeling less stressed. Wish I’d done it years ago.

Thank you everyone. I have been out for a bike ride, eaten well and - like some kind of teenager - hung around in my pjs and played video games. Am also doing yoga and headspace each day, and trying to make these the priorities. But the care is very much appreciated.