Is it normal for a 7 year old to behave like this?

[FlamingoYellow]

I just need to hear from other parents of 7 yer old boys whether my DS' behaviour sounds normal for his age or not. There is a strong family history of ASD, which is adding to my concern.

• from 18 months old would spend most of his day lining up his toy cars. This carried on being his favourite game for years and he still likes doing it now.
• he has loads of energy and needs to be taken out for a long run twice a day every day or his behaviour will become unmanageable.
• he is impulsive - will run into the road without checking for cars, or will hit/try to distract the driver when he is in a car. When I explain to him why that is so dangerous he says 'nothing bad has ever happened when I've done it before'.
• he has huge meltdowns if there are sudden changes in his routine. Even if the change is fairly small and something he would like.
• he loves patterns and spots patterns in everything. He gets confused if the pattern changes and tries to make sense of it by finding a new pattern which fits in with the change, if that makes sense!
• chews stuff all the time, usually when he is having downtime in the evening. Blankets, the neckline of his jumper, the cords of my hoodie. Recently his dad found teeth marks on the wooden surround of the fireplace where he'd been gnawing on that.
• lots of trouble sleeping, since he was a baby. He needs a set routine in a set order to sleep. Including he has set phrases he has to say to me and I have to say back to him.
• lots of friends, including one best friend, but very bossy with them and has to be the leader of the group. I've noticed he has to make up the rules for the games they play.
• doesn't respond well to normal punishments like time out, taking away toys, telling off. Any of this will just cause him to behave even more badly because he's upset, leading to more punishments and more bad behaviour and the whole thing escalates.
• he seems to really want to behave and be good but can't seem to control himself. He gets hyper/worked up easily and can't calm himself down. I have found that long, tight hugs can help when he is like this. Warnings and consequences just aggravate him further.
• In year 1 (so aged 5) his teacher said he struggled to leave a task to move onto the next one, e.g. staying sitting at the computers ages after all the other children had moved to carpet time and ignoring the teacher's instructions. In year 2 (aged 6) his teacher mentioned that he found transitioning from one activity to another difficult, e.g. would throw something across the classroom when asked to do something different, but his teacher felt like that was improving.
• very picky about clothes but no major sensory issues I've noticed.

He is fine with eye contact. Lovely and affectionate at home, really loves lots of squeezey cuddles. Good fine and gross motor skills. Very sweet and thoughtful, can talk about how other people might think and feel in different situations.
Will do nice things for me or his dad if we are feeling poorly or tired.

Does this all sound like a NT 7 year old to you? Or am I right to be concerned?

Sounds just like my eldest, who was diagnosed with ASD in May.

Have a chat with the teacher about your concerns and perhaps see your GP.

I say this in the kindest way but you are right to be concerned. Have a chat with the class teacher and ask for a meeting with the INCO/ SEND manager( some schools have a different title for the same role) .

It sounds like my 8YO child who is being assessed for ASD.

I work with children who have neurodevelopmental differences and I would encourage you to speak to the school and the GP about pursuing an assessment for him. He does display signs and symptoms of ASD so it is definitely warranted. It also struck me how well you think about his needs and behaviours. Even if he does get a diagnosis, his needs will remain the same and he will continue to be the loving, cuddly boy you know right now but with a bit more support I hope.

Sounds exactly like my 9 year old with ASD. He chewed the paint off the banisters once. 🤔
Also very cuddly and affectionate, he's wonderful.
Second a chat with his teacher and a GP appointment.

Ds1 isn't quite 7, most of what you list doesn't apply to him. Some of it had in the past but he seems to have grown out if some of the behaviours

As above, I think you are right to be concerned. No two DC are the same but I have three boys, youngest now 7, and none of them have done the things you outline above.

Mine also doesn't sleep!

I have an autistic child of a similar age, incredibly similar to your description. No, I don’t think that’s a description of a typical seven year old - a typical child might have one or two things on your list, not all of it.

Lots of autistic children including mine are affectionate, empathetic, thoughtful, can give eye contact… and are still very much autistic.

I’d start a conversation with the school senco and go from there.

Thank you all for your advice and lovely comments too. I will be seeing his teacher later this month for parents evening so I will discuss my concerns then.

I have aspergers so we tend to have a fairly rigid routine at home anyway, which probably helps, but I'm aware recently that he has started to be seen as a naughty boy and it's causing problems. His little brother copies his behaviour too, which doesn't help because then I look like I've got 2 badly behaved children .

Please also google primitive reflexes not going dormant as this can present as asd or adhd traits too. Sounds like he would benefit from a child's weighted blanket. Being picky about clothes and food can often be sensory issues they can't express. M&S does a wonderful comfort school sock without seams.

I picked him up from the after school sports club he goes to (which is run by the school) and he had an epic meltdown on the way home because apparently the coach said he can't come back due to bad behaviour. DS says he 'doesn't know' what he did that was so bad.
I've messaged his teacher asking if we can have a quick chat about DS one day this week.

Certain things stand out more than others to me in that list for AS possibilities, based on me (and my cousin), not observations of my child now. Both of us have combinations of spectrum diagnoses. The top ones from my own memories of childhood are the patterns one (still applies), which can also be a great advantage in some kinds of learning, and the 'normal punishments' observation, and transitioning - processing one thing sufficiently to change to another, due to somebody else's agenda, can be really unfathomable (happened to me today at the great age of 40 something).

It's really interesting to hear that Ormally. I can recognise certain aspects of myself in my DS and I know they are ASD traits because they were mentioned in my diagnostic report.

Yes, I also found it interesting to read your very good descriptions. I really, really 'get' the pattern one! Some things can be in the pattern ballpark even though they aren't really patterns as most people would understand them. One weird thing for me is that I can get back to a page in a book very easily, I think it's a combination of knowing what information I have read, the actual page number, and the chunk of pages read vs left to read as a kind of sensory thing that my hands are as much a part of as my eyes. I don't open a page to the exactly correct one as such but it's pretty close.
How is he with reading a clock (round, non-digital?) Something spatial about that was very hard for me, so took a very long time, I would easily have been 7 to be able to grasp much of it. It still doesn't sit right if I overthink it.

Read the explosive child by Ross Greece and also look at his YouTube vids.

He can't tell the time at all 😳. We have practised it but never got very far unfortunately!

Thanks Atalune I will have a look.

He sounds a lot like my son who was diagnosed at aged 6. Have a look at pathological demand avoidance too, punishments don't work. It's so hard, we're still trying to figure out how best to deal with him as typical approaches to children with autism don't work either. Any pressure and he just can't deal with it (drawing on what you said about doing things that he likes)

Sounds like my ds when he was that age.

Now a lovely 17yo autistic young man who came home from college today and announced he actually socialised with people
He's happy with who he is - oh and he quite liked chatting to people he doesn't know for 10 minutes but thinks he won't do it again this week as he's all socialised out 🤷‍♀️🤣🤣

I'd make contact with the GP and ask for a referral using the list you gave above.

Ross greene. Not Greece! 😧

He sounds nothing like my 7 year old. BUT he sounds incredibly similar to my 13 year old. He has ADHD and ODD and is being investigated for ASD.

I've spoken to his class teacher who said he is doing well at school and meeting all his targets so there is not much the school can do but I can hopefully have a meeting with the senco to discuss further.

Hopefully they can give him an Ed psych assessment and see how that goes.

He could also be masking in school and that's why he is the way he is at home which is something to think about.

My sons school are pretty good with him, they don't put too much pressure on him and if he doesn't want to do PE they let him sit out, but he still struggles I think.

Hopefully you can get some help on how to support your son