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Original poster

People asking what happened to cause PTSD?

31 replies

unsurehowtorespond · 03/10/2021 18:58

I’m in minor injuries waiting to see a doctor after fainting in Boots earlier … I explained to the nurse assessing me that I have PTSD (as it’s part of my medical history). I’m also autistic, so go to pieces in a lot of social situations .

She asked - very kindly - what happened to me to cause PTSD, and I ended up telling her that my colleague seriously assaulted me a few years ago.

She was very kind and I think she came from a place of wanting to help , but I struggled to know what to say, I don’t want to have to remember the details, and it’s not the first time I’ve been asked (my GP was a bit more forthright in questioning and asking for exact details almost as if she didn’t quite believe what I was telling her) .

Is there a good sort of quick phrase I can use to shut that sort of question down? I feel a bit rude saying, I don’t want to discuss it in detail, especially when people are being kind?

OP posts:

mbosnz · 03/10/2021 18:59

How about 'that's not something I feel comfortable talking about, and don't need to here, thanks'.

Brollywasntneededafterall · 03/10/2021 19:01

"that's classified." and smile.

RicherThanYew · 03/10/2021 19:02

"I don't think the details are relevant right now". I am a bit of a wanker though.

Interested in this thread?

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General health

Mariell · 03/10/2021 19:03

I’d rather focus on the now rather than bringing up the past.

PinkBuffalo · 03/10/2021 19:03

I do not have PTSD but a counsellor has said I am traumatised after going through a really traumatic event ending with my dad dying really horribly in hospital.
If people try to talk to me about it I just literally say “I cannot talk about it”
I am autistic too I think understand
But I have said this a few times over the years and everyone has understood me when I have said this and not pushed it if you see what I mean?

BabyRace · 03/10/2021 19:03

"I'd rather not talk about it, thanks for being so understanding"

Once you thank people for their understanding they can't push it without looking like a giant arse. If they do, you're well within your rights to say "none of your business, dickhead".

It might be worthwhile to consider that lots of PTSD can be medically induced so it might be that the nurse was asking so she didn't do anything that would trigger you. In a medical setting it's likely they are asking for care reason, everyone else is probably being nosy. Hope you're feeling OK soon.

Findahouse21 · 03/10/2021 19:05

It surely is relevant though - if you've been hurt by someone then your responses to certain situations are likely to be hieghtned and they need a decent understanding of it to treat you appropriately. Instead of trying to avoid the answer altogether, could you come up with a script that you are happy with, that you can 'rehearse' for certain situations so it doesn't overwhelm you, but they have the information they need.

Changechangychange · 03/10/2021 19:06

“Victim of a serious crime” is what I usually say.

Agree she is probably asking to avoid triggering you, rather than out of nosiness. The nosy ones are usually incredibly obvious about it. She could definitely phrase it better.

Vindo · 03/10/2021 19:06

Maybe she was worried about doing something while she treated you that would be difficult for you? If that makes sense.

Could you just say something like "it's ok, it shouldn't be a problem in this situation" or " I prefer to have plenty of warning before being examined" etc. But not go into details?

SummersOverSeasideTown · 03/10/2021 19:07

They want to help so I think it helps to give a brief overview especially if there are things that can be done to help. Ie ' I was assaulted by a man, I don't feel comfortable talking about it but please can I have a chaperone if the care giver is male' if that would help or for me I say 'please do not shut the door' as strangers knowing my business is less stressful for me than being in a close room with a stranger.

ftw163532 · 03/10/2021 19:09

"That's not relevant" . That's what I was advised by my medical team. It was predominantly medical professionals fishing for details and none of them responded appropriately to further info.

In my experience most healthcare professionals won't have enough understanding or knowledge to do anything with further details - and usually it causes more harm because their ignorance and prejudices mean they take less account of the PTSD than they should (for instance dismissing it because they don't think your explanation "justifies" trauma).

Original poster

unsurehowtorespond · 03/10/2021 19:11

That makes sense . It happened in a hospital so it makes sense that them knowing would help but I just panicked . I’m scared that people only ask because they don’t believe me . She was very kind . She was asking whether I’d considered telling the police which did panic me a bit as I don’t feel able to do that at all . The reason I fainted I suspect was panic so am feeling a bit sensitive perhaps !

OP posts:

ftw163532 · 03/10/2021 19:14

It's not rude for you to decline to re-live your trauma btw.

It is incredibly unprofessional and damaging for anybody who's not qualified and engaged to support you with your PTSD to be digging around for details and getting you to re-live it to satisfy their curiosity.

That kind of re-living can worsen PTSD and potentially leave someone with untreatable trauma. Any HCP digging should be ashamed.

"That's not relevant."

"I can tell you what's difficult for me and how you can help..."

ftw163532 · 03/10/2021 19:17

Have you considered preparing a care passport for situations like this?

It sets out what's difficult / what's helpful without any of the re-living or probing.

You don't need to share the nature of your trauma to explain what you need them to do to care for you.

"Due to past trauma, x is difficult, it therefore helps if you can please do y."

HappyPumpkin81 · 03/10/2021 19:23

I would also suggest having a hospital passport, or autism alert card, just in case you find yourself in a similar situation in the future. The national,autistic society have guidance on writing one www.autism.org.uk/advice-and-guidance/topics/physical-health/my-health-passport

Hendersonsisnotrelish · 03/10/2021 19:30

Have you had any treatment for your ptsd? Emdr therapy is amazing!!

Nobodysempire · 03/10/2021 19:31

I was going to ask the same about any therapy. I'm worried that you're assuming people won't believe you. I just don't think anyone would not believe you and that that is something that you really could use talking through

Original poster

unsurehowtorespond · 03/10/2021 19:33

@Hendersonsisnotrelish

Have you had any treatment for your ptsd? Emdr therapy is amazing!!

I haven’t no, my last therapist said I did need specialist trauma therapy but GP said she disagreed and wanted me to have psychosexual therapy instead .. which is frustrating .

I’ll definitely get one those health passports sorted, that would help hugely !

OP posts:

Totallydefeated · 03/10/2021 19:36

@ftw163532

It's not rude for you to decline to re-live your trauma btw.

That kind of re-living can worsen PTSD and potentially leave someone with untreatable trauma. Any HCP digging should be ashamed.

"That's not relevant."

"I can tell you what's difficult for me and how you can help..."

Absolutely this.

Hendersonsisnotrelish · 03/10/2021 19:38

It honestly changed, maybe even saved, my life.

My psychologist said she had always wished for a magic wand to help people and that since training in emdr she feels like she has one!

I would highly recommend pushing for it. Or paying if that's an option.

Sorry, no help with your actual question.

Muttly · 03/10/2021 19:41

I have PTSD too. I usually say something quick like from “traumatic childhood experiences” so maybe if you had a similar response such as a “traumatic assault experience” or similar and a subsequent shutdown of “I would prefer not to discuss it further, thanks for your understanding”. I’m sorry you went through that. It can be very retraumatising having to relive this stuff.

Stompythedinosaur · 03/10/2021 19:59

"I cannot talk about it" is an excellent phrase. You could stretch to "Because of my symptoms I can't talk about it " if that feels better.

Franklyfrost · 03/10/2021 20:19

Just say ‘I’m not talking about it’

I think what most people asking with good intentions are actually trying to say is: ‘tell me what sort of situations and conversations you are going to need help with’.

So, if it’s appropriate and you feel comfortable doing so you could reply ‘I’m not taking about it but please give me as much warning as possible if I’ll be in a confined space/ please make sure I have a female chaperone when dealing with male staff/ please give me time to be silent before I answer questions…. Whatever might help you, ‘what caused your ptsd’ is a good cue to ask for it (you could ask to be left alone if you don’t want any other help).

Mickarooni · 03/10/2021 20:28

It’s fine to say you’re not comfortable with talking about it. I don’t think it’s wrong of a healthcare professional to ask as it may be applicable to the care they’re delivering.

PinkBuffalo · 03/10/2021 20:40

@unsurehowtorespond I have an autism alert card which I can also use In situations like this. I have real issues being in an unfamiliar environment and can get very stressed.my autism alert card was from my local autistic trust and has my aunties contact details on the back in case they need to contact someone. It also outlines key areas we have problems with like communication etc
I recommend getting one just have just in case

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