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Work related jealousy/bitterness/resentment

5 replies

Miseryl · 03/10/2021 13:57

Apologies if this is vague, I’m trying to avoid any identifying details.

I’m trapped in a work related situation which will last another few weeks/months. I have no way of changing that and I know the definite end date. After that timeframe thing should improve as my situation will change.

I need some advice on how to cope during this timeframe. I’m feeling extreme resentment, bitterness and anger towards a colleague who is in a position of power over me. It relates to something which happened nearly a year ago and has built since then. I buried my emotions but recent events have ripped the plaster off and I’m find it very difficult to get a lid back on them.

This is affecting my mental health and spoiling my life out of work as I’m becoming fixated on this person and am constantly thinking about the situation.

We both work in stressful senior positions and have to work very closely together. I need to find a way to manage my emotions so that I can remain calm and professional at work and also improve my quality of life outside of work.

I have suffered from anxiety and depression for 25 years but usually use work a distraction and coping mechanism but this time work is exacerbating my conditions.

OP posts:
Underamour · 03/10/2021 14:08

You need to detach.
It’s just a job. They are just a person. Stay calm, distanced and impersonal. Set a challenge of not caring. You win points by not rising to the bait, staying calm and professional or handling conflict/stress positively.
Play full house with all the annoying things they do- if they hit five of their annoying behaviours in a day it’s full house and you earn a treat.
If you make a game of it even the worst behaviour can become ridiculous or even funny.

Shielding is when you imagine yourself covered in cotton wool or surrounded by a blue static forcefield. Imagine this around you protecting you. It’s amazingly effective for keeping people from getting out of your head.

On your lunch hour go walk in the sunshine feel the sun on your skin, crunch through the autumn leaves and realise nothing is permanent and this will pass.

Hellooctoberyoubeauty · 03/10/2021 14:17

Can you get signed off OP Flowers

Is few weeks /months because you are leaving or because a project etc will come to an end?

Tell us more about the situation as different advice for each root cause

ChicChaos · 03/10/2021 14:20

Don't sit at home running things through your head OP, if intrusive thoughts appear just let them go. It's not going to change what happened or influence the future.

You've got an end point to this coming up shortly, thankfully. Do you have any professionals that you are in contact with about your mental health that you could speak to about how you are feeling?

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Miseryl · 03/10/2021 20:57

Thank you for the replies.

Yes I'm leaving- same (very large) employer but different site.

The person in question used to be my friend but work situations have quashed that (for me, I think she still thinks we are mates, which is part of what is making me I'll as I have to tolerate her presence on social media etc. when I leave I'm deleting her but until then I need to keep her sweet).

She is my line manager, we used to be peers. She was given a temporary promotion for a job that I desperately wanted. I didn't even get the chance to apply- it was handed to her on a plate despite her lacking in any relevant experience (of which I had years).

I had to suck it up, smile sweetly and get on with it, hiding my desperate disappointment. I licked my wounds for a few months then decided I wanted to properly try for progression and for three job offers (all same large employer)- two temporary and one permanent. I took the permanent one so that I could sever ties completely. That was about a month and a half ago.

Other things have happened since which have caused my overall resentment to grow, not directly related to her.

Our employer can keep your for around 3 months before letting you move sites, which they are doing. This interim period is driving me up the wall.

I've realised how much I have resented her, her lack of experience and her line management style. I have been mainly very supportive and very helpful to her, teaching her a lot about the job. I accepted that because i always work hard, do my best and as she is my line manager, it was always in my interests to keep her onside.

But since I relieved that first job offer, something clicked in my head, I signed out and I can no longer keep a lid on my emotions. I don't want to get a bad reputation or go out on a low but the stress is making me quite ill.

I also feel unrealistic expectations are being placed on my last weeks- I'm supposed to be doing all my usual jobs, writing a handover for my replacement, developing my team at full pelt and even starting new small projects.

I rang our employee helpline and scored too highly for their help. I have had CBT before and am trying to use their techniques, have self referred again with my GP for CBT (but that takes ages) and am doing all sorts of reading etc.

I have also asked to arrange a meeting with her to discuss all my concerns and the thought of that is making me ill. She brought our friendship into it the other week and said she knew why I was horrible to her sometimes! (I'm not but have lost my temper a couple of times since knowing I'm going- no swearing or shouting, it was more that my sweet facade has dropped and I've become non compliant. I hate being like that- my nature is to be a compliant hard worker who does what my manager tells me). 🤯🤯🤯🤯

OP posts:
Miseryl · 04/10/2021 09:36

Bump! Sorry for my mistake-laden ranty update- appreciate its not the easiest thing to read but I would be so grateful for some more perspectives on the situation. I'm fully aware that it may mainly be me who is at fault and any advice on how to get my shit together through these remaining weeks would be helpful.

Many thanks in advance.

OP posts:
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