Please help me sort my life out

[Redrobin5]

Need a hand hold - feeling helpless.

I’m 25F and recently gone through a break up from my long term boyfriend. My mental health has severely declined since then. I started Prozac 5 days ago and am really suffering with the side effects. I feel quite spaced out and not myself.

After graduation I took a year out to go travelling but that didn’t happen because of covid. I applied for grad schemes in London but either didn’t pass the interview or I didn’t go due to lack of self confidence. I got through so many rounds but then just gave up at the last hurdle. I have got an okay job now, but it is not what I want to do long term and I am struggling to do it well with the depression I’ve got. It is also an hours drive away. I don’t know why I thought it was a good idea applying, but I wanted a grad job.

The problems I’m dealing with;

• depression - on the ADs but the side effects are awful and I have really bad brain fog/mental blocks.

• career - I’m telling myself to apply to jobs in London like I have always wanted to. I did online tests the other day and failed miserably due to my brain fog. I could easily do them before this.

• home - I never imagined myself living in my home town. I do have some friends here, but I’m having a hard time even socialising at the moment due to feeling so down.

• family - I found out my dad is also severely depressed. He quit his job because he couldn’t deal with it anymore, and is due to start a new one but he feels like he won’t be able to do it. He should have just gone sick in his old job but he was stubborn. He’s worried my mum will leave him and we will lose the house.

So basically there are so many things happening in my life at the moment. I’m feeling really helpless and like the days are passing me by. I keep thinking of the future, and where I could have been by now. I feel i have really ruined myself, and am worried this brain fog will never go. How will I ever get a job I want? Or a house?

@Redrobin5 just to pick up on your point about feeling you’re stalling - I can really relate to this. I graduated in the big financial crash, had undiagnosed depression and no confidence so I went with basic jobs to start with and felt so self conscious in comparison to my uni group who were on grad schemes or going into fancy city positions. 10 years down the line and I’m happy with where I am - middle management role but for an interesting cause. Things start to even out - the people who seemed so sorted may have had burn out and changed careers, or are working crazy hours and not necessarily fulfilled. For instance I have corporate lawyer friends who only really started having a home life during the pandemic. So although it’s hard, try not to compare yourself to others because everyone’s journey is different and not always linear.

It’s brilliant that you’ve got onto medication as a first step and when that kicks in you should see the benefit. Are you also having counselling? Some CBT could help with setting goals and changing your thinking. Some advice my counsellor gave me when I was feeling stuck in an entry level role was to try and still see it as productive time. Can you do some part time study? Or volunteering? Maybe find an exercise you love or a local walking group and that could be helpful for your mental health. Perhaps you could get your dad involved as well?

@Justbecauseofit thanks so much for your post. It really did uplift me.

I know I’m the only one that can change me, I’m just having a hard time coming to terms with myself and the things I’ve done in the past. My mind cant see how my future can be different at the moment. I don’t believe I can fit in my home town or in London, like I’m stuck and helpless. I am just trying to get through the work day at the moment.

But yes I cannot live like this for the rest of my days.

@PompomDahlia I think this is my issue - I compare way too much, especially to my ex too who has the life I want.

I’m on the waiting list for counselling but it is an 8 week wait. I think I’ll need to pay for private counselling.

Find a exercise class you love or a adult education group class