Another really low mental health day

[R0tational]

I feel so teary pathetic. I cannot do everything that adults need to do. I am completely pathetic and useless. I dont want to live anymore. I want to disappear. I just fail at life. I dont want to do it. I shouldnt have brought kids into the world. I hate myself so much. I am so so ashamed.
I know the onky solution is exercising snd planning my time and money and i just cant do it. I just cannot cope. I am stuck in a teenagers mind. I have noone to help me. I have to help myself and i cant because im rubbish. I wish I could just die.

Hi I didn't want to read and run.
I hear you. Your post really resonates with me and a part of me feels that no matter what I say it might not be helpful due to how you are feeling.

However, even if you are stuck in a teenager's mind then you are doing better than most! Most teenagers go to school. Most teenagers have some work of some kind to do. Most teenagers are dealing with struggles that none of us know about. So feeling like a teenager isn't as bad as all that.

Are you on any medication or therapy? Do you have anyone to talk to in real life? Have you called Parentline? How old are your children?

I think you need to give yourself credit for what you are already doing. Start with small baby steps. What's the biggest thing on your mind right now and if you had no limits on your time or resources how would you fix it? Sometimes small wins (doing the washing up, going for a walk, making a meal, writing as SMART plan) can accumulate the big ones.

What's really getting to you right now and what would you advise someone else to do about the problem?

People care. You aren't alone. You do have support. I'm sorry you are feeling like this but I think you might be doing better than you think you are

May I ask whether you think you have had experiences in your life you would classify as traumatic? I’m not talking fires, sexual abuse, or tsunamis (alone). I’m using “trauma” much more widely - did you have a childhood, adolescence or youth where you had experiences or circumstances which caused you to feel shame, hurt, fear or uncertainty? I ask because there is a lot of evidence that people who have been through such things have these feelings encoded into their mind and body and in later life - the slightest stresses or just everyday life causes these original feelings to surface and grip people. Bessel van der Kolk’s “The Body Keeps the score” explains this rather well.

If this sounds even a bit familiar - seeking out tow things may help - 1) a GP who can recommend mild doses if need be of medication to take the edge off to help you to 2) engage with a therapist who specialises with adults who have experienced forms of trauma to gently help you work at things whilst the immediate sharp edge of the pain is dulled by medication so that you can do this hard work.

All the best and apologies if this is irrelevant.

Thank you @AlphaBravoCharlieDeltaEchOFoxt. So kind of you to message It's nice to feel heard. I have calmed down now. Waste of day though.

Everything is hard. I have ADs yes. I am finding my new job difficuly. Parenting preteens aline difficult. Everything feels like one long stressful day with no enjoyment or respite. Even when I have time to myself its just me with my.awful brain.

The only way is.rewiring my brain. Which is awfully hard and feels.impossible.

You are right, @NavigationCentral . I have started that book actually. It's very interesting. Don't have much time/space to read. Don't have emotional energy for anything. Thank you for taking time to write. Feel like I am at the place where nothing helps. I looked up EMDR.but so expensive. Had CBT but not sure I need more. Probably just need to journal and excerise and budget and plan my career and find a hobb amd.have chore timetables and discipline my kids and self care and be positive and do positive affirmations and keep on top of washing and cook healthy food and face my fears and do meditation and yoga and book a hair cut and do skincare and and and and and and.