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Awkward situation, advice please!

12 replies

Howlongisnow81 · 02/10/2021 16:41

Hello,
I am really unsure how to go about this situation I find myself in. I'm really good friends with a lady (let's call her D) but we don't get to see each other as much as we'd like due to our schedules/childcare/hectic evenings and weekends , etc. I know this is the case for many people, it's just how it is. So after much discussion of days and times we've decided on a date in the diary for early December for us two to go for a bite to eat together. D messaged me and said she will book the three of us a table. I asked her who the other person is and she said it's A ( I know A but she isn't a friend of mine and I don't particularly care for her, in the nicest possible way, but am always pleasant and civil to her). I was a bit taken aback as I think that with A there it will change the dynamic and D and I won't be able to chat like we usually do. How can I say to D that I'd rather she arranged separately with A and I don't want A to come? I don't want D to think I'm being nasty though.
I realise this sounds awful and I honestly don't mean it to be but social occasions are rare and I really cherish the time I spend with friends so I don't see why I should be forced to spend time with someone I'm frankly not keen on. I am not compatible with A, although she has done nothing wrong to me. I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings! If A & D rearrange on another date to go without me, that would be great! But this date in December was originally just supposed to be D and I..

OP posts:
3luckystars · 02/10/2021 16:42

Bring someone else would be my advice.

3luckystars · 02/10/2021 16:43

So there is 4 of you.

Howlongisnow81 · 02/10/2021 16:44

Thank you luckystars, that's a good idea! I think 3 can create an odd dynamic so that's what's putting me off too I think.

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TyneTeas · 02/10/2021 16:44

Could you reply and say that if she already has plans with A for then, you can arrange another time to have a catch up just the two of you?

forthelaughs · 02/10/2021 16:45

Can you not say something along the lines of 'can it just be me and you this time? I'm happy for the three of us to go out another time but would love to catch up with you one to one!'

That's the sort of things I say to my friends when I'd like it to just be us without anyone else

Mariell · 02/10/2021 16:48

It’s not being ‘nasty’ to simply say that you don’t get on well with A and would like to see your friend another time when it’s just the two of you so that you can have a good old catch up.

Crunched · 02/10/2021 16:51

Personally I would be chuffed to bits if a friend asked to arrange a meet-up, just the two of us, because she really cherished our (rare) time together. Tell D exactly the truth, that is no slight to A and a huge compliment to D.

BeepingBB · 02/10/2021 16:55

I hate when people do this; invite someone else without asking.

ShuddaBeenMe · 02/10/2021 16:57

Just say I didn't realise she's be coming, let's sort out another date when it's just us so we can have a proper catch up.

Monr0e · 02/10/2021 16:59

I know exactly what you mean and I wouldn't want to go either. I know many people often think the more the merrier but when it is a close friendship and you're looking forward to a proper catch up it definitely changes the dynamics.

I'd probably reply with something like, oh, didn't realise you already had plans with A, I wouldn't want to intrude on those,, let me know another date when you are free.

Andylion · 02/10/2021 18:24

@ShuddaBeenMe

Just say I didn't realise she's be coming, let's sort out another date when it's just us so we can have a proper catch up.
I think this is the way to go, OP.
Howlongisnow81 · 05/10/2021 18:55

Thank you for all responses. She's going with A and we're rearrange for the two of us at a later date. Awkwardness over! Thank you again

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