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Is this an identity crisis? A midlife crisis?

12 replies

Bookridden · 02/10/2021 15:59

I'm 48 and I feel as if I'm having some sort of identity crisis. I've noticed over the last few months that lots of the things I've believed in and held dear for years don't mean the same to me. This applies to political beliefs and my thoughts about other people and the things I've always loved. I am wondering if this is normal for my age, a symptom of a mild depression or just a part of growing older?

For example, all my life I've looked up to authority figures, particularly teachers, doctors, religious leaders etc. I've now lost any faith that they are better than me or even much wiser. I am afraid I tend to believe that they are just as likely to tell lies, slack off, steal, behave badly etc as me or anyone else. I find this quite depressing as I'm used to looking up and admiring people and it's now difficult to do this. Not making any political points, but I find it hard to idealise the NHS or its workers after some things I've heard recently. Politicians seem to have their noses firmly in the trough. Religious leaders have overseen massive child abuse atrocities. Teachers behave shockingly badly on EduTwitter. Universities seem in thrall to woke culture and to endorse groupthink. Kids go to higher education when they're barely capable of writing coherent paragraphs (except the children of MNetters of course!)

And finally, what if there's something you've loved all your life and it no longer "does if for you". Imagine you'd been passionate about music for over 30 years. Your spare money and time went on music, gigs, music equipment etc. Your loved ones knew you to be an authority on music, you could perform to a high standard etc, and you basically saw yourself as an intrinsically musical and artistically talented person. What if you came to realise over a period of time that music wasn't moving you anymore and you'd lost interest in it? What is left when you've defined yourself in this way for most of your life?

I hope some of you know what I'm getting at and thank you if you've got as far as this!

OP posts:
SmallGreenStripes · 02/10/2021 16:03

I know exactly what you mean. I feel as though I have lost my faith in humankind. I am 47.
I am dealing with it by keeping my loved ones close and doing the very best I can for them, and looking after myself too with comforting activities. I don’t know what is causing it but the feeling of despair and disappointment is similar to what I had when I was depressed, so hoping it isn’t the start of that again. Hope you are ok. Do you have loved ones to hug? Xx

Makelovenotpetrol · 02/10/2021 16:04

There are bad people in every single profession, all walks of life, everywhere.

There are however overwhelming numbers of good people.

I'm one of the professions you mention and I'm no saint. But I'm not a bad person either.

I'd stop looking for the bad in people. You don't need to "idolise", look up to or admire anyone.

CorrBlimeyGG · 02/10/2021 16:04

You lost me at woke culture. Have you swallowed the Daily Mail?

PlanDeRaccordement · 02/10/2021 16:09

It’s a transitional decade, the forties. You go from young to firmly middle aged. I always had a problem with figures in authority so cannot relate to the first part of your post. But the second about music, I can. I had to retire from my dance troupe in my forties and as much as I loved it, my body was simply no longer physically capable of keeping up with the training and performance. It was my #1 hobby that I’d done for over thirty years. So I understand it’s a kind of grieving process. Not sure I will ever have a replacement hobby as important as that one was.

Redjimjams · 02/10/2021 16:16

Your post made me laugh OP Flowers I'm feeling much the same.
In particular I'm looking at our government, and remembering the days when I assumed the old people in charge knew what they were doing.
Listening to my friends of my age, we're not alone!
I could have written a lot of your post.
I too have lost interest in a lifelong hobby, and often wonder what is the point of things.
I'm working quite hard on my attitude because I don't want to be a bitter old woman, but I'm still happy to have a laugh with friends though i really don't suffer fools as gladly as I once did!
What you need, OP, is to look up some of the Grumpy Old Women vintage episodes.
And if you like podcasts, look up Jenny Éclair and Judith Holder's 'Older And Wider'. They are our people, and give me a weekly belly laugh. (I found them via MN recommendation about 6 months ago)

Muttly · 02/10/2021 16:24

Yep OP I’ve had a similar experience in my mid forties. The group I fell out of thrall with was my family as they have busily swept decades of extremely serious abuse under the carpet. Like another poster above said though generally (outside of family who I have moved away from) I don’t particularly look for the bad in people. I see most people as a mix of good and bad traits, trying to do the best with what they have and I try to take the best out of the positive interactions with people generally. I work in a very nice place that generally brings out the best in the people around me and I enjoy that aspect of my life. I see hobbies and acquaintances as transient so I don’t get too worked up in letting them pass by to make space for the next stage of my life.

In all I think it is healthier to see people as flawed but mostly trying to do their best rather than glorifying professions. You are probably actually better off now. If you have swing too far over time you can move to a more comfortable equilibrium.

MrsHuntGeneNotJeremyObviously · 02/10/2021 16:28

We are now the age of, or older than the people 'in charge' and it's horrifying to realise they are as clueless as the rest of us!
I think the world feels particularly bleak now - everywhere you look there's corruption and shitty behaviour. Tbh I'd think there was something wrong with you if you ^weren't' disturbed by it all!
The other thing is that you might be menopausal and HRT might help improve how you feel.

Guineapigbridge · 02/10/2021 16:29

It's been funny, this pandemic, on people's mental health and attitudes to authority. Do you think there's a bit of post- trauma stuff going on for you?

Redjimjams · 02/10/2021 16:39

@MrsHuntGeneNotJeremyObviously

We are now the age of, or older than the people 'in charge' and it's horrifying to realise they are as clueless as the rest of us! I think the world feels particularly bleak now - everywhere you look there's corruption and shitty behaviour. Tbh I'd think there was something wrong with you if you ^weren't' disturbed by it all! The other thing is that you might be menopausal and HRT might help improve how you feel.
Spot on!
Bookridden · 02/10/2021 16:55

Thanks for the replies, I am glad that other people understand. (Not that I wish you to share my disillusionment). I don't THINK I'm depressed, though I might be menopausal. (I still have periods every month though). I should have said that I don't show my cynicism and I am scrupulously polite to everyone I meet. It's just: they're never as brainy, or as nice, or as decent as I thought they might be. I can't claim to be these things to any great degree, but I thought that was my personal failing and that others were better. That I no longer believe this to be the case saddens me, and means that I no longer feel the need to strive to emulate or impress. Definitely a massive first world problem but sad all the same.

OP posts:
honeygriff · 02/10/2021 22:14

I'm with you. I've become very allergic to my hobby and now feel a bit lost. I'm finding that my rose tinted glasses have come off in regards to the other humans. Frankly some of them are scary. Family wise I feel stronger than ever with my immediate. I'm struggling to be entertained by TV ect but I think this could be because I'm on high alert without realising it?

flabradoronadiet · 04/10/2021 13:39

I'm the same age and I'm starting to feel like everything in society is corrupt and hollow.

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