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Original poster

So gutted and feeling really down!

37 replies

Mychocolateteapotsmelted · 30/09/2021 15:42

I am really very shy and quiet and find it hard to make friends. I have made friends with a couple of school mums. We went for coffee this morning which I was so looking forward to, and I really enjoyed myself and joined in there conversations etc..asked about them and their families and listened to what they were saying without butting in etc. Finished coffee and they went to the loo..I followed them in to make sure we were all going home together and heard them really slagging me off 😢😢 so gutted and feeling really down what's wrong with me?

OP posts:

dogmandu · 30/09/2021 15:48

It is unfortunately the case that when one person (usually the 'unelected' leader of group starts giving her opinion, many others will agree just so that they are seen to be popular. It's hard to have an opposing opinion without being shot down in flames. You see it on here all the time until one brave soul gives an opposing opinion then the other cowards come out and say what they really feel.

I wouldn't be too downhearted that the others feel that way too. They often are too scared to go against the 'leader'.

Hang in there. It's probably not you it's the disfunctional group.

bloodywhitecat · 30/09/2021 15:50

What's wrong with you? Nothing. What's wrong with them? Plenty I would imagine. They don't sound like the kind of people you could trust as friends so you are better off without them.

JMAngel1 · 30/09/2021 15:51

Oh how horrible. Did they see you? I hope they were ashamed of themselves - they sound like the type to brazen it out though.
It doesn’t sound you did anything remotely offensive so what I’m earth were they saying?
Some mums unfortunately never left the school playground 💐

hamstersarse · 30/09/2021 15:56

Oh dear. That’s really not nice. It’s such childish insecure behaviour….on their part.

It’s easy to say ignore them and move on, harder to do as it can really get under your skin.

But if they treated you like this, no doubt they’ve done it to others, it’ll be their way. It’s not you. Some friendship groups just have a bad dynamic. You really are better off without them, it would be stressful hanging out with a group who have this under current of everyone vying for position.

Lick your wounds, remind yourself what makes you a good person, pity them for being sucked into such venom and move on

Mosaic123 · 30/09/2021 15:58

How horrible.

Lampzade · 30/09/2021 16:18

Cut them off

Spindrifting · 30/09/2021 16:21

What did they say? How well and how long have you known them? Have you considered them actual friends, or is this more a matter of a couple of coffees because your children are in the same class? Most importantly, until you heard them being unpleasant about you, did you genuinely like them?

MargaretThursday · 30/09/2021 16:32

What did they actually say? Because sometimes we hear what we think they're thinking?
eg They say "She's really quiet"
They mean "I'm a bit worried about her, we must make sure she's okay"
You hear "She's boring and no point bothering about."

Bluntness100 · 30/09/2021 16:33

What did they say op? What form did the slagging off take please?

Bluntness100 · 30/09/2021 16:35

To be honest though I’m not sure why you followed them to the toilet if you didn’t need to go but just to ensure they didn’t dump you. That’s not quite usual.

However what they said is critical as it may have been observations you took the wrong way.

Lampzade · 30/09/2021 16:36

@MargaretThursday

What did they actually say? Because sometimes we hear what we think they're thinking? eg They say "She's really quiet" They mean "I'm a bit worried about her, we must make sure she's okay" You hear "She's boring and no point bothering about."

You have a point

Spindrifting · 30/09/2021 16:38

@Bluntness100

To be honest though I’m not sure why you followed them to the toilet if you didn’t need to go but just to ensure they didn’t dump you. That’s not quite usual.

However what they said is critical as it may have been observations you took the wrong way.

That did strike me as a bit odd. OP, why did you follow them to the loo to 'make sure we were all going home together'? Were you relying on them for a lift, or did you think they were going to leave the café straight from the loo without returning to your table? Why?

LST · 30/09/2021 16:39

What did they say?

You obviously aren't missing much if that is how they treat their 'friends'

1forAll74 · 30/09/2021 16:44

You have the measure of them now, so don't worry about it, just view them as iffy, and bad mannered.

BeepingBB · 30/09/2021 16:54

What exactly were they saying?

And when you say go home together, were you giving/getting a lift? It's a bit odd to follow them to the toilet to check this.

Seesawmummadaw · 30/09/2021 17:07

Nothing is wrong with you

Marlena1 · 30/09/2021 17:51

They sound awful. There is nothing with you. They should be embarrassed behaving like school bullies.

GertietheGherkin · 30/09/2021 18:04

As hard as it is, maybe try and explain a bit about what you overheard being said. This will help people understand why you feel so upset. Is there any chance you misconstrued what they meant? As shown by the examples given by PP?

Sadly these Coffee mornings follow the pattern that everyone is chummy, until someone leaves to go about their day... They then often become the following topic of conversation and bitching.

Thank goodness you found out what they were like before you discussed too much of your business or invested too much time getting to like them.

Not being part of their clique may be something you're glad not to be part of when all's said and done. They sound pretty vile individuals to be honest, based on your perceptions.

Bluntness100 · 30/09/2021 20:59

@1forAll74

You have the measure of them now, so don't worry about it, just view them as iffy, and bad mannered.

Well not necessarily and the ops not returned

She could have just misconstrued what was said, and it was being said with concern and the op took it wrong or out of context it sounded bad if she heard a partial conversation, or even they were discussing someone else

Following them to thr loo as you think they may leave without you indicates something is amiss.

I’ve never had to follow people I’m out with to the loo because I think they will dump me, which indicates something else was amiss.

Original poster

Mychocolateteapotsmelted · 02/10/2021 15:47

So sorry for not coming back..they were talking about my weight 😢 (over weight but have been on a diet and exercise plan since I heard them) so that's good for me as its given me a goal! Starting to walk once a day..The other thing was about what I was wearing! I can't buy nice clothes as all my money gets spent on the kids! Feeling a bit better..its so hard to make friends I walked in when they were mid sentence so they know I heard..no texts etc. from them since. Its so lonely being a single mum.

OP posts:

Original poster

Mychocolateteapotsmelted · 02/10/2021 15:48

Thank you for all your advice xx

OP posts:

Bowtie292 · 02/10/2021 16:18

I'm sorry that happened to you, you've had a lucky escape really, they're not the type of people you want to be friends with. I was in the same position when I had DS, it's very lonely and I had lots of failed friendship attempts but did eventually make 2 good friends with school mums. Keep trying, don't let it put you off trying and please don't think there's anything wrong with you, you sound lovely.

youvegottenminuteslynn · 02/10/2021 16:24

Oh mate they sound horrible. Sorry, I know that must feel so shit. Did they apologise or say anything when they saw you?

Pathetic how some people never develop past their school bully behaviour.

ShuddaBeenMe · 02/10/2021 16:32

Are you sure they were talking about you?

Makelovenotpetrol · 02/10/2021 16:36

Oh that's so horrible OP. I'm sorry you experienced that.

But the good thing is that you've seen them straight away for who they are and know not to invest your emotional time and energy with people who are so two faced and horrible.

You deserve better, you sound like a lovely person. They, on the other hand sound like absolutely horrible ones.

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