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If you put taking care of yourself ahead of work and other people...

18 replies

inininsomnia · 30/09/2021 15:11

... what does/would that look like for you?

(A question from a tired, perimenopausal woman)

OP posts:
coodawoodashooda · 30/09/2021 15:12

What an excellent question. I have absolutely no idea.

Moonopoly · 30/09/2021 15:13

Might be better off asking on mansnet (lighthearted Wink)

JessieOh · 30/09/2021 15:15

@Moonopoly

Might be better off asking on mansnet (lighthearted Wink)
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

peacemaking because I desperately need this to be the thread that changes my life

Interested in this thread?

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jlpartnerrs · 30/09/2021 15:19

Making sure that I get enough sleep, exercise and fresh food as a priority. Others get taken care of as a by product.

I just quit my pandemic job to go back freelance. I got a promotion but ultimately although freelance pays less I can cover the basics and I get time back for sleeping, exercising and prepping food.

GiveMyHeadPeaceffs · 30/09/2021 15:22

At the minute it would be going to the gym to do classes. I have a ds who is my world but sometimes I want time on my own, just for me. I used to be quite strong and fit and I currently feel a bit broken. I've recently started Pilates but I'm more a fan of cardio.

I'd like to work part time and I'd like a job where I'm fairly autonomous and work alone. I am so fed up managing other people that I didn't give birth to.

I'd like time to see my GP about HRT.

I'd like to find something to study that I love and stretch my mind in ways that my job really doesn't.

I'd like to sleep beyond 6.00 am!

GiveMyHeadPeaceffs · 30/09/2021 15:23

@jlpartnerrs

Making sure that I get enough sleep, exercise and fresh food as a priority. Others get taken care of as a by product.

I just quit my pandemic job to go back freelance. I got a promotion but ultimately although freelance pays less I can cover the basics and I get time back for sleeping, exercising and prepping food.

Oh yes! Definitely time to eat well too and not worry about everyone else!
36degrees · 30/09/2021 15:53

JL has it spot on with sleep, exercise, food. Dealing with health stuff as it comes up, no putting it off, including MH.

If you live with other people, they have to pull their weight. Outsource things if you can afford it or if your time is better spent on other tasks - from a financial and wellbeing perspective.

Declutter if you can, and buy well once, if you can afford it. Less visual noise, less spending on stuff helps me feel better, and makes it easier to clean. Same goes for people in your life, don't stretch yourself too thin trying to accommodate too many people in your life.

coodawoodashooda · 30/09/2021 16:24

@Moonopoly

Might be better off asking on mansnet (lighthearted Wink)
That so, so made me laugh
coodawoodashooda · 30/09/2021 16:24

@Moonopoly

Might be better off asking on mansnet (lighthearted Wink)
That so, so made me laugh
Milomonster · 30/09/2021 17:51

Hot yoga at least 5 times a week (this has been so beneficial for me physically and emotionally), good sleep, saying no when I’m not willing to do something for others.

inininsomnia · 30/09/2021 19:53

Ahhh, some good answers here, thank you!

Sleep would be bloody amazing to make my brain work and sodding dark circles disappear but it's so elusive. Exercise is tricky because of chronic pain/exhaustion.

Finding time is a major problem. My diet is good when there's time, but I've had chocolate for four meals this week because my peri brain cannot keep track of time to fit them in.

Dealing with demands from others is not easy. Ditto finding energy and allowing myself time to do the right things instead of being on Mumsnet.

I have a problem with priorities, clearly :)

Minimalism does help though. Somehow I have an (almost) tidy house for the first time ever. Hooray.

OP posts:
jlpartnerrs · 01/10/2021 12:38

So just to go a little bit more in depth with my answers:-

Exercise - is sometimes no more than a walk or gardening. I have a bike and used to commute to work by bike (3.5 miles) currently have a knee injury and am not cycling but hope to do so next week. So I ensure that I do something with intention every day. Stretches/sun salutations in the morning, a walk in the green (park or countryside) a cycle, some yoga or a swim. It doesn't matter what it is, it's an intentional move your body time.

Food - Fresh food is key - eat something vegetable and in season daily, add green stuff to sandwiches, fruit on porridge, grains in porridge, make my own cake to eat (helps cut down the quantity lolz) make my own jam/marmalade and fruit curd, mostly cook from scratch, chose complex grains and carbs (except pasta, love white pasta so now do the 1/2 and 1/2 seeds of change type) try and shop local produce and grow some myself.

Sleep - all those boring things like going to bed at a reasonable regular hour (I get up early to finish stuff as I find I am quicker in the mornings) Screen time is minimal after 8pm. Phone is never in the bedroom. Do not disturb goes on at 8pm. Caffeine in the morning only. Sugar avoided except for mealtimes - no late night snacking. Outside daytime walks/exercise really important to sleep, too. Not stressing when waking up - I have some bluetooth headband headphones that I listen to podcasts on if I'm awake in the middle of the night.

Those three pillars of self care help me cope mentally with all sorts of stuff.

Remember don't sweat the small stuff, implement change gradually - pick one habit that would make a big difference and stick with it. When you're happy with the habit pick another one. Don't set yourself up for failure - chose things that you can realistically do and tell everyone (friends and family) what you're doing - you are more likely to stick with it

Hope this helps

HairyScaryMonster · 02/10/2021 21:49

My youngest has started reception but I’m not starting to work the day I had off for at least a term or two. My DH has some health and mental health issues and although the money would be great, I need to hold things together so I need time.

Cadburycup77 · 02/10/2021 21:52

Honestly sitting down all day playing Nintendo without giving a shit about anything

MiniTheMinx · 02/10/2021 22:19

I'm exhausted at the moment because I've returned to work and its mental.

When I can put myself first I do. Mostly I can't.

I work long days, but I can take days off in the week sometimes. I could use that time to clean, organise, cook etc, but I often don't. Instead I go out, go shopping, see friends, have lunch. I can be quite selfish over my time. I then moan to DH about lack of time and if I'm lucky he will spend Saturday cleaning.

I used to go to the gym, run, play tennis and badminton, ride and climb. I also studied full-time and ate out a lot. Life changed and I miss my old life, but I don't think I'm worse off in terms of overall health or well-being. I am worse off in terms of life satisfaction and feeling I'm not achieving much on my own terms. But I will work for a while like this, then I'll probably drop my hours and refocus on the stuff I find fulfilling, because looking after me is more about being able to improve and learn about stuff I'm interested in.

I'm a bit envious of the new age spiritual types who seem to be serene, or the people who can minimise life clutter and simplify life to its basics.

MadamMoth · 03/10/2021 07:52

I'm currently trying hard to put some self care into my life. It's gone hugely by the wayside especially after all the lockdowns. One thing I am pretty good at though is protecting my mental health at work. I have what can be a very stressful job, everyone wants a piece of me etc. I work incredibly hard when I'm on top form but every now and then it's like my body is telling me I must down shift from top form and I'll put myself in coast mode for a week or two. So doing all my work but not being as available when it suits someone else but not me. I'm very conscious of it when it happens and I know I'll always come out of it within a week or so. Sometimes I tell my boss directly too so he knows.

Ruralbliss · 03/10/2021 08:07

I haven't read the whole thread yet but what a good question.

Here's my answers

I insist on a 12-1pm slot where no meetings can be booked. Thankfully this 'golden hour' has become the cultural norm where I work across al grades. It means a lot. A short dog walk, some quiet lunch.

Whilst working from home I do quiet domestic drudge whilst on calls I don't need to be in front of big screen for from phone

Gousto/Hello Fresh revolutionised our nutrition, reduce food spend and wastage plus fringe benefit made me feel like a good parent when chopping and delivering nice dinner instead of pizza/pasta.

I listen to audible on the school run as realised I was going entire years with no reading.

My biggest one is making the decision to downshift and relocate from a house I thought I'd be in forever as it's too big for a single, full time working mum and others depend on me for transport. We'll have a low maintenance, walk everywhere life soon with a swimming pool around the corner.

Itwasgoodwhileitlasted · 03/10/2021 08:11

I used to go to bed really early one day a week when the kids were toddlers, like 8pm. I do it occasionally now, though more like 9pm. Warm milk, cosy bed socks and it works a treat.

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