11 year old fallen out with friends. During lockdown, help!!

[SquarePeggyLeggy]

We are in lockdown, so I’ve been googling but all the suggestions are for normal times!
My son has a few little school mates who live nearby… they’ve been coming to pick him up and going to the park etc, playing games online together. About two weeks ago it just stopped. They’ve all 4 disappeared. He didn’t realise at first I don’t think. But then one of them told him that one friend told the others he’d said mean things about them all behind their backs. He said he hasn’t.
They’ve all unfriended him online, and he’s refusing to go and knock on their door to patch things up. He’s quite upset and spending all day in his room. He doesn’t want to go to the park in case he sees them.
I don’t know what to do, if school was in, this kind of thing would pass. I think he’s the age where this stuff starts to happen and they do need to learn skills to sort it out…
But it’s lockdown! This essentially means he’s completely alone. I don’t know the parents terribly well, but we’re on a group chat… that’s gone silent too, so I think I’ve been kicked off it or they’re chatting elsewhere.
Not sure what to do if anything, school doesn’t go back for 6 weeks.
The suggestions I’ve googled such as: join clubs; make outside of school friends, join a sports team etc, they all can’t be done.
Does anyone have any suggestions?
He told me: “you’re my best friend, and Dad. I don’t really have any others”.
It’s breaking my heart… he has ADHD, but it’s all been fine for months now. Because of the adhd I think it’s taken him a long time to notice. And he has no idea why.

His adhd quirks can be pretty annoying. I’m aware of this. But he’s rubbed along ok with these kids for quite some time, they do know what he’s like. I wonder if they’re maturing faster and noticing more of a difference.

The parents are all really good friends. We’re new to the area.

Where abouts are you? We have clubs etc on for our dcs in England.

I would speak to the school about it to find out how he is at school. Try and keep him busy at the weekends and after school if you can? Out as a family, things like that?

Australia. Stage 4 lockdown here.

I would speak to the parents I was most friendly with, and find out what (if anything) they know.

My instinct would also be to broach it with the parents too op

This is hard and especially in lockdown. As you say he’s at the age where you can’t really be fixing everything for him much as you want to. I wonder if it might be worth picking one of the other parents to contact on their own and asking if they could help with any info so your DS can make up with his friends.
You can explain about ADHD and say he’s not sure what he’s done (if anything) As that parent I would then be asking my child what’s happened ? Why aren’t you hanging out? Can it be fixed? Etc and you might get some insight back.
If that’s a no go then until other avenues and groups open back up it’s just doing nice things together if you can.
When groups are open again get him into other things after school where friend options are new.

I did just run into one of the parents, she clearly has no idea about any of it. Very friendly and on for a chat.

I think they’ve got to be in the same orbit for them to stand a chance of making it up. Do you think you could speak with “nice mum” and arrange to meet at some place he’ll go to and “ run into” her and her son. Hopefully if you two are having a coffee or whatever the two boys will mend a few bridges which is a start.

He’s had a totally different friend invite him for a walk, so I’m feeling better for him. It would be obviously better if close by neighbours would be friends, but my googling and own experience shows even one friend can make all the difference. I hope it will give him a lift.

I saw on another thread a poster give the advice to make home as much of a haven as possible if they’re having a difficult time. I thought that was brilliant advice- just helping them keep their room nice and tidy, regular fresh bedding, have the bathroom clean so they can go for a relaxing bath if they want, favourite dinners/snacks/ nice drinks.
Doesn’t help much with the friend situation, but will help the child feel comfortable and secure.

That’s a good idea.