Not enjoying my new job :(

[newjobblues]

I started a new job a month ago. At first I really enjoyed it as I was kind of left to my own devices to do training and reading. Now the project work has started properly I'm no longer enjoying it. I find the actual work interesting but find it hard getting feedback all the time, I worry that I'm a disappointment to the company or that I'm just not grasping things quickly enough, although I have been told by my manager I'm doing well.

What I find really hard is the constant messages and emails. For some reason I find it very intrusive to get so many messages throughout the day, I prefer to be left to do things on my own but obviously working as a team it's something I need to get over and get used to quickly. A quick message from someone asking how I'm getting on with a project feels like they are checking up on me and makes me feel like I'm being too slow or something.

My manager has also gently suggested that I need to join in with the small talk on the Teams chats more often but I find it hard to just jump in with that when I haven't met most of them in person yet.

I can't pinpoint what exactly is the matter, I just know I feel tearful today and that I'm not enjoying my new job anymore.

I also find it really hard to ask for help, I need to ask a question to my manager this afternoon and I'm putting it off

Re the small talk - it is really difficult to join in when you don’t know anyone, can you start with emoji reactions and dip your toe in that way?

Also raise with your manager that your finding it difficult to build personal relationships and maybe organise a virtual coffee meeting? I’ve found these really helpful!

Is there any scope for face to face meetings?

With the constant messages and emails - it might just be the culture to be honest, I’ve moved to the complete opposite to you, I’ve been used to having near constant contact with most of the team to now being left to get on with it myself in my new role - I’m feeling a bit lonely to be honest!

Do you have to react immediately to each mail and message? Or can you block out half hour morning and afternoon to respond?

I’m in a new job at the moment and feel similarly. I always find in a new job that it takes a good 6 months to start feeling vaguely comfortable. It’s not unusual to feel how you are feeling.

I'm in a similar boat. I do think there is a period of wobbling where things just feel hard and nothing is ok. I agree too you need to give it a few months to settle in. Can you plan some nice things for weekends for a bit so you have things to look forward to?

There are several different problems here.

It is hard to build relationships with your colleagues, particularly when you haven't met them. Others have made suggestions there, small talk on Teams is probably a good place to start - just pick someone's comment reply. You don't have to be dazzling, just be seen to be making an effort. Then you can build on it - it will get easier.

If you're feeling bombarded with messages then (depending on how the team works) you might need to block out time. Set your status to "do not disturb" or at least "busy" for a block of time, maybe an hour or 2. You can validly ignore messages in that time, or even close down/log out of Teams. Explain to your manager that you are more productive if you can work for bigger chunks of time uninterrupted - they should appreciate that reasoning!

It is hard establishing these routines but you can do it, and you'll feel better for it.