Is this a safeguarding alarm bell? WWYD?

[LadyHalesBroach]

There’s a wee 8 year old lad called Ben*. He basically lives at the playground opposite our house. Sweet lad, but there’s obvs something going on; I’ve seen his dad collect him and shout at him, calling him a cunt and stuff. Really awful. He’s taken a shine to my 4 year old DD and my DH.

Today I’m in the kitchen and he must have seen me cos he opens my front door a bit, says hello and can he come in to play? I’m like nope - but we’ll all go out to the playground. Half an hour passes and I need to head back in and off he rides somewhere else anyway. Ten minutes later he knocks on the door, can I have a packet of crisps?

I ask him if he’s hungry and his wee face kinda broke and I invited him in to share DD’s cheese omelette (don’t judge). I tell him I have to call one of his parents and he hands me a slip of paper that has this Angry Dad’s number. I call him up, he couldn’t give a shit and I ask if he could pick his son up at 6. I said I had invited him for tea, it’s my fault and apologise. Anyway he couldn’t have cared less but at least kid not gonna get screamed at on my account.

The kid hangs out here and he runs riot. Let’s himself upstairs and into bedrooms, can I play with this or that - no that’s my laptop, no that’s DD’s little guitar from MIL but otherwise I let him crack on. I turn my back for one minute and he’s in the garage… mental.

Anyway he’s eating his dinner and then starts asking questions - do I have a security camera? Yes (no). Do I have an alarm? Yes (no).

I’m gonna give him the benefit of the doubt and say he’s just being inquisitive rather than anything sinister.

Some girl walks past and she looks in our kitchen and it’s obvious they recognise each other. DD asks if the girl is his mum (she’s about 13) and he says he doesn’t know her but then goes a bit weird. I ask if that’s his sister and he confesses yes. But don’t ask why he lied.

Anyway 6.30 the Angry Dad rocks up. I try and introduce myself as Nice Mum and he doesn’t wanna know, just grabs the kid and throws him into the car.

I don’t know what to do. This lad didn’t wanna go home, he was hungry, he doesn’t have a home life. I’ll always have an open door but I have to work, I don’t want this to become a regular thing but I’m worried for him.

Should I contact the school? Is that OTT? My DH is abroad working and I don’t want to cause drama, but it feels like no one is looking out for this boy.

Do you know what school he goes to? Maybe raise your concerns with them.

Yes, if you know the school contact them and just tell them the facts you know. I'd also fire of an email to NSPCC with the same info. If your spidery senses are tingling it's always best to report it.

"; I’ve seen his dad collect him and shout at him, calling him a cunt and stuff. Really awful"

This is a safeguarding issue. Report it now you have contact details.

Inviting strange children into your home potentially makes you a person worthy of suspicion - and I accept your intentions were entirely positive - but I wouldn't do this again.

Yes write everything up without your personal opinions (I know thats hard) make it matter of fact with timings etc and try to remember what was said and pass it onto the safeguarding officer at school. I would say thats all quite concerning.
School may be already aware and will add it to their collection of observations and notes which will build up a portfolio of evidence.
If its all innocent, its still better to be safe than sorry.

Yes, I would contact the school and or social services. The way the child is spoken to & the fact his dad doesn’t care he’s at a strangers house are a worry

If you know what school he goes to then yeah speak to them. But I can guarantee they already know that good circumstances aren't ideal.

I’d phone the NSPCC and contact the school and I’d ask him over again so you can feed him

As pp said, the aggression witnessed at pick up from dad is enough to raise your concerns. Please call your local mash and report, anonymously if you wish. Though your intentions are good you're not doing the biy any favours unless you act officially.

You won't cause drama, the school or NSPCC will take your statement and file it away with any other info/ contact relevant services if appropriate. You'll feel better because you know you've done your bit. The fact he was scoping out your house is concerning, I've never had a child ask if we have a security alarm etc.

I'd let the school know of any safeguarding concerns each time something concerns you. And make a note of dates and what it was that bothered you

Do you know which school he goes to? I would contact them and share your concerns. It may be absolutely fine, but if it isn’t, you may end up preventing something awful. Teachers will be looking out for safeguarding concerns, but a neighbour is sometimes quicker to spot problems.

I'd definitely contact the school or Social Services.

I’d contact the school OP, yes. That’s not right, is it; poor lad is probably known to the safeguarding team ahead I’d have thought.

I suspect it very likely children's services will already have had some involvement here. You will likely be adding to. A picture.

I would raise it. I just want to say that feeding other children is really not a good idea. My daughter has a life threatening milk allergy and if you feed her a cheese omelette you’d have killed her. Obviously she wouldn’t be in a position where you’d be able to, but even so please be careful giving children food.

Speak to the school

Sorry yes he goes to my DD school. I didn’t think about the risks of feeding him, he just asked for food and I was in the middle of cooking my daughters tea. He inhaled it and then finished off my DD’s and then asked for more!

I’ll fire off an email to the school in the morning.

“Contact the school” is the wrong advice.

The three agencies with responsibilities for Safeguarding are Health, the Police and Social Services. All a school can do is pass on your report to social services, or tell you to do so.

If you report it, it carries more weight as it is a first-hand account rather than hearsay.

If he is in immediate danger, phone 999. Otherwise ring 101, social services or the NSPCC.

poor lad! bit weird with those questions about whether you had a cam or alarm though.

I’d Google ‘safeguarding hub’ and your area … there should be an out of hours number for a duty social worker

Oh that’s sad.

You did the right (and a good!) thing. I think I’d probably call the police. Only because we wouldn’t know where to start with making a safeguarding concern with social services.

I’d also call the school.

All schools have a nominated Safeguarding person in situ. Usually a teacher. Speak to them, about your concerns. Let them deal with it. Your lovely for being so supportive to the lad. If only other people would behave like you. Less kids would lose their lives, at the hands of uncaring parents or others. Hes vulnerable

You might want to err on the side of caution op Re locking doors and windows when out / at night. Him asking if you have a camera, an alarm, going off round you house, looking at your laptop, going in the garage where people often store high value power tools or checking out how secure it is... It is a very small possibility he is, whether realising what he is doing is wrong, checking out your house to report to someone else, whether that be dad, a friend, a neighbour, if they have over time 'trained' him for this.

Yes,, the security questions seem like he’s been trained to ask those questions, I’d definitely be extra security conscious from now on.

Poor lad though, I would definitely report your concerns.

I think along with looking out for this lad you need to look out for your DD. Inviting this lad into your personal space and around your own child might not be the wisest thing considering how little information you have right now. Raise it with a professional body so he can get the support he needs, don’t just let him come in and out of your house, it doesn’t sit well with me tbh.