left my ex partner 6 years ago and ever since I left he goes through phases of turning up at my home unannounced and uninvited. He has asked me at least 3x a year to get back with him which I'll never do and make this clear to him. Our child is now 8 and is having her mental health affected by him.
Last October he met someone and suddenly wanted our child over night. I agreed as she wanted to go to his. He then took her to his new girlfriends who he'd just met and stayed over night there with our daughter. His girlfriend allowed her to sleep in a room with him as she was scared in an unfamiliar environment with strangers she'd never heard of or met before and they told her she could sleep in that room with her dad but next time she'd have to sleep in with one of her boys.
I had feeling something wasn't right and tried to ring her that night but got no answer and he didn't reply to my text either. The next day he brought her home (late) and she was hysterical when he was going (which has never happened before).He then found it amusing to tell me they'd been to sleep at "this girls" that he'd met. I was furious bit didn't say much until he had gone then had my say on the phone later on that night. He had also given our daughters dog to this woman and her kids.
He wouldn't accept his actions were wrong and I stopped our daughter stopping over night again.
They had an on off relationship (very volatile) and he kept turning up at mine for advice or saying he was depressed etc. I told him each time I didn't want to know as if it didn't concern our child it had nothing to do with me. He doesn't listen to me. At one point he came round, threw himself on the floor crying and said he wanted to die and has nothing to live for infront of our daughter. He then started looking in my cupboards for pain killers and alcohol and said he was addicted to them both (his best friend was in rehab for this at the time and he was putting much of this on as a show as I could tell he didn't seem genuine). He got back with this woman and after a few months of them being back together I was steamrolled into allowing our daughter to stop over at their house (as he'd moved in with her). That very evening I had a phone call at 10:30pm from the police that there had been a domestic incident and I had to go pick our daughter up from a location 30 min away on the motorway. When I got there our child was traumatised and he was outside with the police who wouldn't allow him to go back into the property. They were both steaming drunk and the girlfriend had a black eye, bruising all over her body, scratches etc and our daughter had heard her screaming and them fighting. I told him that night that if he ever got back with her that my daughter would not be in their presence ever again. This was 9 weeks ago. Since then he has been turning up army house every other day saying he's bored or asking for advice, he won't leave if our daughter let's him in - he kicks off his shoes and lies down on the sofa sleeping or on his phone . He's helped himself to food and drinks and gets very hostile and verbally abusive when I tell him to go. I started blocking the door so he can't just walk in my home and he tries to push past me or uses Amy excuse to try to enter my home. I've been firm with him and he calls me miserable, freak a weirdo etc to my daughter infront of me! I rang the police last week as I've had enough of feeling trapped in my own home. If he's not turning up he's ringing me non stop and texting me. I get abuse off him all the time. The police have now spoken to him and over the weekend I got messages off him threatening me that his family will be having words with me as I need telling. He's a narcissist which is why I left as he mentally abused me for years to the point I had a break down of sorts. I'm seeking legal advice but I desperately need some advice and support in the meantime.
My daughter tells him when he rings her that he has to make arrangements through me but he still does it through her telling her he'll have her on a certain day or will take her for tea etc without asking me if it's OK or making set arrangements. He's always last min with these plans too such as on the day or straight after school. She often doesn't even want to go with him as he says inappropriate things to her about me, his mates, his family, his job calling people names and talking to her like an adult. He won't listen to reason at all and twists everything to others to make me seem the bad one for saying no to things and installing boundaries. He demands to see our daughter and never asks if he can see her etc its always "I want to see _ tomorrow after school" or "She's coming to a christening tomorrow". He plays mind games with our chikd and leaves her confused and always let's her down with broken promises. Becomes out with unrealistic things to her too such as he's going to go to America to become a famous UFC fighter.All he talks about is himself -, if its to talk to him about our child he always brings it to him and his needs etc. I'm so so tired of it all and fed up. I don't really want him having access to our daughter until I've seen a solicitor but am I being unreasonable with this?
He turned up last week knocking (before I rang the police) and he knocks really lightly like a tap so I know it's him and the neighbours can't hear. I told him to leave from my bedroom window or I'd ring the police. He took 10 min to go then messaged me 20 min after going saying he was coming to tell me he was back with that woman he had the fight with and put a laughing face at the end of the message. I didn't reply and he knows I won't allow our child to go near them together again. He seems to have a fixation that I'm jealous of him having this woman which couldn't be further from the truth my only problem is the events that have taken place and how these things have affected our child who's only 8 years old. He also doesn't believe in covid and says its all a conspiracy so when we were in lockdown he told our daughter I was brainwashing her and she doesn't need to wash her hands or wear a mask etc and said I'm a sheep and unstable.
Am I wrong to stop contact for my daughter and get arrangements in regards to contact etc set our through a solicitor? No matter what I say he goes against it. I have anxiety from all thus, I can't sleep at night and then go to work full time and feel like I'm suffocating.