Miserable all the time

[emmarocks]

I think I might be suffering from depression. I am miserable, irritable and tearful nearly all the time. I can hide the tearful side but I feel like I am irritable and grumpy a lot more that I used to be (I've always been short tempered.)

I think the main thing getting me down is work. I'm looking for new job to try and sort that one., though that's not easy as I'm late 40s and need a certain income to pay the mortgage etc so can't just take anything and it feels very late to retrain. My marriage is also pretty rubbish at the moment. DH and I barely speak any more. I feel irritated with him- lazy and drinks too much and I know I irritate him as well. It's not bad enough to split and I don't want to but we are not as happy as we used to be either. This could be linked to my work unhappiness.

I don't have may proper friends, just lots of acquaintances. I never tll anyone how I really feel except the odd moan about work. I feel if I started I would be a blubbering mess. Not sure what advice I'm expecting from this, maybe just ideas on what to do to feel better.

[BrilloPaddy]

I don't have the answer, I'm afraid, but could write a lot of your post myself at the moment. I'm 51. And majorly pissed off with everything and everyone.

My Mum said to me yesterday "do you think you're menopausal" but do you know what, it's not me. It's bloody DH with his never ending laziness and attitude that I'm just here to wait on him 24/7. Same with our DC, that feels like a 1 way street. I'm just all out of giving, frankly.

Sending much empathy

[emmarocks]

Thanks for the empathy BrilloPaddy DH doesn't expect me to wait on him but he is really lazy and slow about getting anything done. A few years ago I found it mildly annoying, now it really irritates me- just fucking get on and do stuff! I feel I have to suggest and nag all the time otherwise even less gets done. He never once says- 'I'll crack on with the loft/decorating/sorting garage out'

I think I have become more irritable with him and DC since I seriously started to dislike my job, it could be perimenopause possibly but I feel like a lot of the way I'm feeling is possibly depression, as well as the stuff I said in my first post I'm having real difficulty motivating myself to do even simple stuff like hoover.

I never used to be like this, I was always really positive and cheerful and could always make the best of things It has crept up over the past few years and now I feel so rubbish and miserable. I don't feel the same person inside if that makes sense.

[BrilloPaddy]

Sounds like you need a chat with your GP, if you can get an appointment.

I certainly feel that things I coped with a few years ago can really get on top of me..... and like you say, it's the constant nagging to do things that grates. I want to scream "just bloody think for once".

It's positive you're looking for a different job, and it's never to late to change direction. Initially you may take a salary hit but it's easier to progess when you're enjoying what you're doing more.

[emmarocks]

I will try to talk to GP been thinking about it for a while- just wasn't sure how to explain it all- writing it here helps clarify things, thanks.

I just want to feel like me again! Maybe that needs meds or counselling instead of having a word with myself if that makes sense.

I think once I'm out of my current job that will help but might take a while - I have been for 3 job interviews over the last 3 years and not got any of them. I think my lack of interest in my current area might be showing, retraining might be the way forward.

[NashvilleQueen]

Just bearing in mind your age could it be menopause related?

I once heard a doctor on R4 saying that many women in late 40s are diagnosed with depression and given ADs when what they need is oestrogen.

[NashvilleQueen]

www.womens-health-concern.org/2015/06/hrt-instead-of-anti-depressants/

[emmarocks]

Thanks NashvilleQueen, that's interesting I'll mention that to the doctor.

[NashvilleQueen]

Good luck OP

[emmarocks]

Just wanted to update this thread as it was good to feel that people gave a shit when I didn’t feel I could talk to anyone irl. I have managed to get a new job which is fantastic, it feels like a weight has been lifted.

I haven’t spoken to the doctor yet there are never any appointments by the time I get through on the phone and I wanted to talk face to face rather than online to them. I might leave it a little while now and see if I still feel the same in a new job so I can see if it is depression/peri menopause or just job related stress.