How present are you for your 16 year old?

[Laaaaa]

Feeling like a Shit mum at the minute 16-year-old daughter who is fairly good but quite irritable with me and dad. She goes to college all week and then is out with friends a lot at night and most weekends staying over or having sleepovers At our house. I just feel I hardly see her, she has said she doesn't like what we eat - home cooked stuff and just wants freezer stuff which makes me feel neglectful. Her room is a tip and whenever I say Do you want me to help you clean your room or change your bed or help you change your bed it's always no leave it and leave me. I just feel I never see her and I'm on constant nights at the minute I just feel so tired all the time so when she asks for a random lift in the middle of my night I don't always want to do it.

I really miss her and feel like a shit mum.

Normal, anyone else going through it?

She sounds completely normal OP and you should be glad she's going to college and has an active social life.

I have two DDs aged 17 and 13 and know what you're going through. Mine will happily come shopping with me though! Would yours do that?

Oh and the room tidying...normal. Mine won't let me do theirs and they will usually do it about once a fortnight or once a month.

The only thing I am a bit strict about is them emptying their bins...and no food left about for mice.

Firstly stop feeling like a rubbish mum. You obviously really care about her and are worried you are not doing enough. I also have a 16 year old daughter who is very similar. She spends all her spare time in her room which is also a complete tip and only appears for food and drink. She also has typical teenage moods where she's lovely one moment and snappy the next. I try not to take it personally as remember being the same myself. I read somewhere that it's to do with trying to separate from parents and family and become their own independent person. Just hang in there you are doing great.

you are not a rubbish parent! she sounds so 'normal' - the thing I found with dd at that age (she is nearly 30 so did come out the other side ) was that every so often I had to step in and actually 'parent' her, she wanted to be as independent as any 16yo would and we generally gave her a pretty free rein to do as she wanted, so staying out/having fun/untidy room/friends over for the weekend etc.

However, I realised every so often that she was very tired/irritable etc and just needed a break from it all, I would give fair warning, as in 'dont plan anything for next weeked, its a family one', then I would insist she ate with us (a good roast and veg etc), a couple of fairly early nights, a good tidy of the pit from hell and perhaps a nice shopping trip. I noticed that she didnt argue about it and was relived to have some downtime away from all the 'fun' pick your battles and you will have your lovely girl back in a couple of years