Co-parenting

[Elliemitchell125]

Hi I’m wondering if anyone is going through a similar experience to me. Me and babies father haven’t been together since the beginning of pregnancy and have agreed to co parent when our little one arrives in the next week or so. I am planning on breastfeeding and it has been advised by midwife and health visitor that baby shouldn’t have unsupervised visits from the father without me being there due to me breastfeeding baby and baby needs me there for comfort. I have agreed that babies father can visit her once a week while she is a newborn but with me being there and then we will make more visit arrangements when she is older. However he is being very difficult and is threatening to take her away from me for visits by himself meaning I won’t be able to exclusively breastfeed which I want to do as it’s best for our baby. I need some advice because I am still letting him see her just with me there to feed and comfort her.

I guess it depends on how well you get on, once a week isn’t a lot at all….. I can understand the wanting to be there but as baby gets older the time between feeds will be more etc

I agree once a week isn't much. How was the relationship in the past? Do you get on normally? Has he helped buy things for the baby?

He can’t take the baby away without either your consent or a court order. A court would want him to seek mediation before imposing an order so you don’t ‘have’ to do anything probably for about 8-10 weeks with court/mediation schedules.

Your best bet is to email him (so you can show a court if needs be) your suggested contact pattern and the advice you’ve had from midwife. Make sure all your suggestions are about the child’s interests not yours or his. Then you can show that you haven’t denied contact so a court would be far less likely to impose an un-consented order, meaning you can agree terms that you’re comfortable with through mediation.

Also do ensure you get maintenance set up!

This is all if you live in England/Wales/Scotland/NI.

He can’t dictate how you feed your DD.

Is he able to visit more than once a week? Once she’s in a routine, he could take her out from yours for an hour or two.

Then again, with those threats you might want to ask in the Legal section for some advice.

It would only be once a week whilst I’m breastfeeding as he works 6 days a week and lives 40 mins away

@Elliemitchell125

It would only be once a week whilst I’m breastfeeding as he works 6 days a week and lives 40 mins away

The distance and his work schedule will really affect a co-parent arrangment. I'm surprised it's not been a stumbling block before now. Have you discussed schools, every day care, holidays etc in the future?

In the short term it is easily resolved. Don't put his name on the birth certificate and then he has no right to the child at all.
Then he can take you to court and ask for an access order at which time he will be told a couple of hours a week in your presence while breast feeding, building up gradually as he develops a relationship and has more baby skills.
Or he could stop being a bullying aggressive shit now and co-parent co-iperatively.!