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Original poster

Refusal to give school bus a try

16 replies

ForAFriend123 · 26/09/2021 13:32

Looking for advice for my DB.

DB and his DC have recently moved to my village. Complicated divorce situation and huge changes for DNeice (11, Yr 7) and DNephew, including change of schools.
They currently know very few people here.

Anyway we live in a rural area and most kids round her catch buses to their schools. Unfortunately no seat was available for DNeice at the start of term so DB was driving her in but he has just heard there is now a spare place and she can get on it immediately

However DNeice is flatly refusing to even give it a try. It's a only a minibus so literally a max of approx 15 students and she would be the first pick up. Journey is approx 40 once it's made all its pick ups.

Not sure that there are any other kids from our village that use it but an acquaintance from a nearby village has kindly offered to look out for DNeice.

Am looking for advice on what to say or how we can encourage her to give the bus a go.
I think it would really help to boost her confidence and make friends. DB really needs her to use it ASAP and has even offered to follow the bus in on the first day so she knows all ok but she's not budging.

Many thanks

OP posts:
Finfintytint · 26/09/2021 13:38

What’s her reasoning?

Original poster
ForAFriend123 · 26/09/2021 13:43

She won't/can't articulate what she's thinking.

I think it's a combination of many things

  • Catching bus coming late to the party
  • Not knowing (as yet) anyone else on the bus
  • Possible Separation anxiety from her Dad
  • anxiety about doing things for herself?
OP posts:
Seeline · 26/09/2021 13:46

Introduce her to the girl in the next village, and then drop her off at that bus stop for few days so that she can get on with someone else to start with. After that she can get the bus from home.

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Akire · 26/09/2021 13:49

As much as you can understand the worry it’s something she’s going have to get used to. Unless her dad really can be wasting 1.5h each way everyday being a taxi driver.

Being first on is the best way to go much better than full bus and everyone staring. Maybe bribe for the first week, she really has to give it go before she can say she really hates it. School is full of stuff no one likes to do it’s part parcel of life unfortunately.

Mymapuddlington · 26/09/2021 13:50

I know I’ll get blasted for this but I’d go for bribery.
If you get the bus to and from school today you can choose a film and some sweets for this evening.
Once she’s done it once it will be cine

jesusmaryjosephandtheweedonkey · 26/09/2021 13:50

This isn't a choice... you need her to get the bus and she needs to go to school.
It's not open for discussion.
She has to get the bus.
Don't keep asking her. Just explain that's how it is.

StarryStarrySocks · 26/09/2021 13:52

Agree, her father needs to tell her she will be getting the bus from now on. No discussion.

tocas · 26/09/2021 13:54

@jesusmaryjosephandtheweedonkey

This isn't a choice... you need her to get the bus and she needs to go to school. It's not open for discussion. She has to get the bus. Don't keep asking her. Just explain that's how it is.
This.
OnceUponARainbow · 26/09/2021 13:56

Try to find others getting the bus she can pal up with. My son is reluctant to get the train too, but is willing to do it with a friend.

Original poster
ForAFriend123 · 26/09/2021 13:58

@Seeline

Introduce her to the girl in the next village, and then drop her off at that bus stop for few days so that she can get on with someone else to start with. After that she can get the bus from home.
This is a good idea; I have been encouraging her to meet up with the other girl but again much reluctance - probably because the girl is older. If DB can get them to meet then catching the bus from that village for the first few times might just work.

Totally agree with other comments that she really needs to just get on with it and the longer thing t goes in the more difficult it will be.
Have also suggested bribery to DB!

OP posts:
Toddlerteaplease · 26/09/2021 14:01

Yep. She doesn't get a choice. She will get the bud and that is final.

BananaPB · 26/09/2021 14:03

She hasn't got a choice really. Better minibus than cycling in.
Has she got a mobile with stuff like Spotify to make the journey go faster?

Original poster
ForAFriend123 · 26/09/2021 14:04

@BananaPB

She hasn't got a choice really. Better minibus than cycling in. Has she got a mobile with stuff like Spotify to make the journey go faster?
She's got her phone. Spotify subscription is a good shout
OP posts:
EL8888 · 26/09/2021 14:07

It’s not a debate or a discussion. She needs to be just told she’s getting the bus

WhiskeyNeverStartsToTasteNice · 26/09/2021 14:08

I agree that trying to get her to meet with other local girl and getting on bus with her to start with would be a good idea.
Otherwise, could it be done gradually? eg bus 1 or 2 days a week, lift on the other days, or bus there and lift back, to start off with?

Stompythedinosaur · 26/09/2021 14:08

My dc are primary age but it sounds like a similar set up with a mini bus collecting dc round a rural area.

Our school sets up a "bus buddy" system with another kid who will sit with a new kid and show them where to go - it sounds like the other girl is willing to do something similar which sounds very helpful.

I'd definitely be talking about the bus as a necessary thing she has to get used to. Maybe offer some suggestions like reading a book if she feels awkward or left out.

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