How do you keep strong and not let others hurt you?

[Snowdropsandbluebells]

I am actively trying to become a better person. I am quite lonely a lot of the time but happy within my own family unit (dh and dc)

Throughout my life - time and time again I get used. Left out. I used to be a doormat i think so now I stay away from people who hurt me.
I need do be more proactive. A lot people are kind to me and I am to them. But I am so over sensitive. Its ruined my life.

One example is a woman at work who came up and whispered to me that everyone hates me. It cuts.
Something happened this weekend to make me realise I need toughen up. I'm happy to do a course or read up on it.

That woman at work is not normal. It isn't you its her

Somewhere in your past you learnt that it's acceptable (or even preferable) not to rock the boat - probably because the consequences of doing so were scary or unpleasant. The problem is that this 'core belief' was formed before you were old enough to think logically. This article explains it really well and includes some exercises to try;

www.betterrelationships.org.au/well-being/core-beliefs-self-acceptance/

I accept most people are horrible and that has to include me. I find my belief in God very helpful. I understand that some have a part of their brain that makes them more susceptible to believe in God and I guess many have a different moral code and the current trend is for self love and various woke ideologies.

I don't think there is anything wrong with just having a few people in your life, I regret trying to be very sociable when I was younger.

It's ok to have been giving to others, just next time walk away from a user sooner, they don't deserve you.

Thank You. The women in question is hurting. I know that. But she didn't do it to anyone else. She said said to me. Quite clearly and made sure she had full eye contact. I've since kept away. She's not very nice.

My mother constantly criticises me. I've pulled away and then live with a lot of guilt. She praises everyone else including my brothers ex wife who slept around. I literally do nothing wrong. I think I am a good person and work with children who are vulnerable. I am a good wife and mum. I keep myself to myself.

I just can't live like this anymore.

Some will look at you and treat you well, some will look at you see the hurt and think that they can't watch you being hurt further and avoid, the some will see the vulnerably and take full advantage.

Someone at work just walked up and said that everyone hates you? I would be raising that with her line manager (if recent), it's totally unprofessional, bullying behaviour, not to mention downright weird.

Recognising that in cases like this, the other person is at fault, not you, may be a start.

I don't know what other examples are but find that learning to say refuse things and say 'no' in assertive, polite ways is a very useful skill for standing your ground.

Cross post

I've gone part time at work so that's been very helpful.

I was thinking about this very recently as my lovely lovely friend has people in her life who are not nice to her (family, work colleagues, even her DC’s school [I know it’s the school, or her as I had similar issues and moved my DCs]).

I think there are people who view kindness as a weakness and exploit it. They are the ones at fault but it doesn’t make it any easier when they are being twunts.

T wo ways

ONE; never let them see how much you are hurt

TWO, make sure you have someone to shed this with. Not to; with

Dh is great but he doesn't really do the whole emotional stuff (very much work and health is all you need type of person)
If he knows I was crying he doesn't do anything. We have very affectionate Children so I get lots of hugs. Obviously I protect them from all this stuff I feel.

I have this experience too and although I let people in my life, I keep my guard up until I’m fairly sure I can trust them. There are those who expect you to be an open book to everyone you first meet, too bad for them, I’m not like that and those that respect that you’re not just letting anyone immediately into your life and are interested in really getting to know you, will stick around.
I have also accepted that some people are bullies and take kindness for weakness. There’s only one way to deal with those people and that’s not to accept any shit behavior from them at all. That the woman who said everyone at work hates you is hurting is irrelevant, it does NOT give her any more right then anyone else to destroy your mental health. If anything you’d think being in pain herself would make her more understanding that others might be suffering too and not willing to inflict that upon them.
Report her to your manager and hopefully she’ll deal with consequences.

You fight back with the tools you have. Your words and actions.

In the case of the woman at work, you look her dead in the eye and say "I will see you in HR".

In the case of your mother "Mum I will not tolerate your constant criticism of me, it is unjustified and unfair. Stop it now or I must stop seeing you.

In both cases, turn and immediately walk away.

@TSSDNCOP
Spot on.