How to not let things get you down?

[Laughsaminute]

I feel like life is relentless and I’m struggling to find joy in life. I need to get a positive head on because I start a new job soon. Any tips I’d be grateful for.

Last year was awful. Looking after a 1 year old and homeschooling while working from home full time. Totally burnt out, felt suicidal (don’t now) and bitch of a boss gave me a shitty appraisal even though I performed well on all projects. Anyway felt demotivated so got a new job... I’ve a long notice period and will be leaving soon.

After getting the job I was upbeat, now I’m just feeling really down. What can I do??

Energy costs up, food up, no petrol, dad’s dementia deteriorating, childcare costs have shot up. No really active friendships due to Covid... people don’t want to know. I’m also getting dragged into a lot of crap at work (projects going wrong/ risk management etc, boss is disengaged). Ugh!

What I’m doing ....
Stop watching/ reading the News
Get off my phone
Stick to evening walk with podcast (actually quite good at this)
Eating healthy

What else can I try?

I realise this is a bit vague. I’m just feeling desperate as I have no one to talk to in real life about this. When I told my best friend I was suicidal she basically said I’d be alright. She hasn’t raised it since and she’s a clinical mental health professional!

Exercise. The more I exercise, the better I feel. Make your walk fast paced so you raise your heartbeat.
I do a lot of indoor swimming and gym but an open water swim really lifts my spirits.

Exercise, no social media, no mumsnet, 10 a day, borroca, don’t look at emails in the eve, join a club, call an old friend for a catch up

Can you reach out to some old friends? I did this after a nudge from my counsellor and I was surprised at how many people were up for catching up. I’ve felt similar on and off so you have my sympathy 💐

So sorry @Laughsaminute have you thought about talking to your GP ? I'm not suggesting go straight on AD's and all will be fine but there are other things to try as well

Please don't be afraid of saying those words , that's how you felt at that time

Can you find some pleasure at home ? Swimming lesson with children ? New hobbies? Increased outdoor or exercise ? Meet new people? Any toddler groups locally?

Did you mention a partner ?
Do you need a little YOU time ? When was the last time you had a facial/ massage / haircut / Thai box session 😆 whatever makes you smile ?
Take care , clouds pass over us all the time , don't forget to see the sun

Thank you all for your lovely replies, they have boosted me. I’m certainly going to try some of these ideas x

Gratitude practice, sounds silly but I found it does help. Think of five things you are grateful for, try to do it everyday.

This might sound flippant but it’s not meant to be. It sounds like you have too much on your plate. To many stressors. Can you reduce your work load in any way? X

Things like increasing food or energy prices, are they actually affecting you? Or are they more like things that are in the news and you feel like you are supposed to worry about?

CBT concepts might help. Dividing your worries into what you can control and what you can’t. And dealing with them that way. Of something is out of your control, try to just assign a bit of time to worry about it. Don’t let it take over your life.

Apart from that find small joys. A pet, a plant, adult coloring books, knitting, some little thing just for you.

For me ashwaganda also helped.

As well as exercise. Obviously

Yes the price rises are a real problem for our family finances due to high childcare costs. I’m changing jobs because work is so stressful but taking a pay cut. I think about money all the time and spend ages trying to cut costs. I have a DH who is very lovely, pulls his weight but I’m the breadwinner.

I think you’re right I do need to put those things I cannot control to one side.

I’ve started to use starling bank to have better budget control - it’s great but I’m becoming a bit obsessed

I don’t do anything nice for myself except read and walk. I need to find more moments of joy. My children are lovely but also hard work as they’re very young.

I think setting aside a time to speak about finances with DH world help compartmentalise it. At the moment it’s mainly me - not because DH doesn’t want to/ is lazy but because I shut him out. Mainly just because it’s easier as I’d have to explain everything otherwise! So I do have a lot more worry and burden than he does! But he hardly spends anything so at least that’s not an issue I guess.

“ clouds pass over us all the time , don't forget to see the sun” .... I love this!!

Just keep potting - or even PUTTING - one foot in front of the other... Old saying "This too shall pass" and "Time and the hour run through the roughest day"
I am very lucky in that the smallest jpys can delight ad sustain me.So I went a slow stroll in the wind and rain at barely first light today. KNOWING the blessed familiar but always utterly lovely sight of the ocean and mountains would ease me. As it did.
Back abed - and a safe snug bed is a blessing. So aware of that.
OK. where is my knitting? A well channelled nervous twitch with something lovely produced

@Laughsaminute

“ clouds pass over us all the time , don't forget to see the sun” .... I love this!!

Another one fpund in a wartime prison camp

" Two men looking through the prison bars. One saw the mud. the other the stars. "

I always try to put a positive spin on everything.

So last year you were homeschooling, thats amazing. Homeschooling is hard and you did it. Now you know that you could do it if needed in the future.

You have also survived a bitch manager which shows that you have perseverance. I left my job because I couldn't cope.

You also know who your true friends are. So when you do eventually feel better you know who was there for you and who is fake.

Stay off of Facebook and even certain mumsnet threads sometimes.

I would look for a hobby, during lockdown I really got into baking and exercise and loved learning how to pipe rosettes onto cupcakes.

For money and food I would cancel my bank card and only give the new details to essential businesses that you need. I done this recently and saw how many streaming services I was signed up to and didn't use.

There is an app called Ollio, where people and restaurants post food that they are giving away. There is also an app called Toogood to go, where you can get big grocery bags of food for cheap.

@Jobseeker19 that's a really really good post , thank you for pointing out lots of positives , OP you are not alone

I get like this sometimes, and the recent news is an onslaught of bad news and money worries so you're not alone.

Something I learned from my grandma when I'm feeling down is to sit in the garden with a cup of tea and look around at nature. You'll spot all manner of bugs and creatures you don't normally see. Listen to the sounds they make, watch what they're doing etc.

I don't really know why it helps, but it does. I always feel better after a cup of tea in the garden. I have a little spot where I can sit, rain or shine!

I also echo the previous posters on exercise - it's something you can do even when money's tight and it really does boost mood.

Make sure you're getting enough vit D now we're approaching winter.

I plan to start swimming again soon, it is exercise but it is quite gentle so also relaxing at the same time (been saying this for about 4 months, potentially also need a kick up the arse with that one!)
Also dog walking has a similar affect (appreciate no use if you don't have a dog though)
I have had a horrendous few months for things getting on top of me, never been like that in my adult life and have always very much been a 'doer' so it really knocked me for six. If you like a drink keep an eye on how much you consume....I went way, way overboard and it did me no favours so I've cut down a bit.
I also recommend cutting corners where possible, this is something I have always struggled with since the kids were babies...it really doesn't have to be perfect (good enough is enough, no one would have died if I ignored the skirting boards for a few days)
Sorry this is garbled, I still have brain fog even though I'm feeling much better than I was even a few weeks ago. Sometimes I think our bodies force us to rest when enough is enough whether we like it or not! After 15 years of parenting and full time work mine was done....but it does get better if we just chill for a bit