feeling so overwhelmed and just need to vent

[Puisanceel]

Just feel like I will explode if I don't get this out. I'm struggling so much with overwhelm at the moment and feeling constantly tearful (I'm also premenstrual this week so that isn't helping). I have one 6 yo DS who is home educated due to SEN (please, please no suggestions of school - trust me we have exhausted every single possible avenue there). This means I can't have a standard 9-5 job. DH has a good job and a good salary so financially we are fine (and I'm so grateful for that) but I have never wanted to completely give up work due to not wanting to be totally financially dependent. Therefore I do about 10-15 hours a week of freelance work, mostly early mornings, weekends, evenings. This really isn't a lot but it stresses me out so much and I keep making stupid mistakes which makes me feel even worse. DH's job keeps him working 8-8 most weekdays. My DM has a chronic health problem and also requires support and I have no other family aside from a sister who lives abroad. I have lovely friends but they have their own jobs and homes and families.

I love home educating DS (I honestly really do) but it takes almost all my time. Academically speaking he is very bright so requires challenges and due to his SEN he is not very good with "free play" of any sort so requires a great deal of 1:1 interaction. Consequently I have almost no time for myself. My free time at the weekends and evenings is often filled with work or with home ed planning or with doing jobs for my DM (who often can't manage her bills/life admin etc). I have a hobby I love that I have absolutely no time for. We manage to keep on top of the housework using the organised mum method (I hate the name TBH but it works). If I ever do get a free hour often I just sit and scroll my phone because I'm too tired and wiped out mentally to do anything else. I also get into the trap of staying up late because it's just my only time for "me", but then obviously I'm shattered the next day and not getting enough sleep.

I feel awful because I know others have it much worse. But I feel so overwhelmed with everything. I am pretty sure that I am ND myself and really struggle with overwhelm - I always have. I always wanted another baby too but just feel that's completely impossible.

Not really sure what I wanted to achieve from this thread, just wanted to write it down.

Something’s got to give. Maybe just for a year or two until your DS is a little older, you never know what he might be able to manage then that he can’t now,

Work: if you stop work for a couple of years, would you be able to pick it back up later?

Cleaning: if you carry on working, can you afford a cleaner to take over the housework?

Food: can you make life easier by using more ready meals/Hello Fresh type things?

DH: could he reduce his hours, maybe use unpaid parental leave so you can get some time off/share the home schooling every so often?

DS: could you find someone who will take him for a couple of hours every afternoon once you’ve done the more academic stuff? There might be nannies with spare daytime hours depending on where you are.

I know all of these options cost money but it sounds like that side of things is not so tight (?) and it would be worth spending a little to make your life more sustainable (especially if you want to keep your hand in on work)

If you are financially comfortable, is there anything you can throw money at to make life easier?

For example, can you bring in a tutor occasionally or join online schooling groups? Employ a companion or assistant on a PT basis to help your mother (or perhaps even somebody to do a one-off 'life spring-clean', who will set up DDs for bills, review expenses, put systems in place etc)? Get a cleaner in on a fortnightly/monthly basis to do the big household stuff?

I don't think you should stop working, as that's important as an outlet for you, but at the same time, you can't do everything.

I was in a similar situation and actually gave up my freelance work. It was such a relief. I know it's good to keep working, but I feel I could pick it up again in the future, if I wanted, but I just didn't have the time and energy to do it properly and it was stressing me out so much.

I don't even enjoy my work if I'm completely honest. I fell into it after I graduated and it just was something I did for money. After DS was born most of my time was taken up with him and I was grateful to do what I did just because it could be done flexibly. If I didn't do it any more I don't think I'd miss it IYSWIM.

I think we might look into getting a cleaner as that would be one less thing. I also wondered about getting my laundry done elsewhere as for some reason I find that really overwhelming. But then I just feel like a lazy awful person.

DH is looking for another job that allows him to work more flexible hours as frankly his current one pays well but is totally inflexible. But it's hard as the field he's in is quite niche (that's why it pays well).

DS won't go to anyone else sadly. We have tried a nanny/childminder/various other people. I'm hopeful at some point in the future he might be able to cope but at the moment it just won't work.

Assuming you have full access to DH’s earnings and all assets are shared etc then I wouldn’t feel too worried about stopping work for a bit. You have a lot on your plate and if you don’t need the earnings or enjoy the job then don’t work just because you feel you “ought” to. You can always reassess in a year or two.

Yes, I have full access. We have a joint account into which his wages are paid.

Laundry service is life-changing. I outsource all mine to the local service wash which also does collection/delivery. They will even do the ironing if I need it. It's a total godsend.

AmandaHoldensLips Do you mind my asking how much it costs?

Two massive laundry bags (bedding, towels, clothes, etc) about 30 quid. It all comes back dry and folded 24 hours later. I don't do ANY laundry at home any more. Bliss.