Will our 5&6 year olds suffer if we have another child?

[Britknee]

2DCs aged 5&6, obviously both at school now and v happy as a family of 4. I’d love a third and so would DH, I’m late 30s now so don’t have much time left to decide. Main thing that stops us going for it is the worry that our older kids have little to gain from a much younger sibling and perhaps a lot to lose - our time/ attention/ finances a little more stretched / less easy to travel and do exciting things.

I’m tying myself in knots trying to decide and would love any thoughts from others. Thanks

Do it if you want to but I’m glad I stopped at two because my children take a lot of my time and money as they’ve gotten older and I don’t need to ration it out as I would I’d have had a third. Also, my older siblings are 5 and 6 years older than me and they had no interest in me and in many ways I was always on my own. That won’t be true for every family, but it was the case in my family.

I actually think your DC have a lot to gain. I have a similar age gap an my elder 2 DDS have always loved their little sister. They are fiercely protective of her and she definitely completed our family.

OTOH I think it is you who has much to lose. My 3rd pregnancy was much harder than the first 2. Going back to baby stage was brutal especially as dd3 didn't sleep like the other 2 had. As someone else said primary school lasts forever. And at the other end of the scale when the elder 2 have left for university and your friends are all getting their lives back you still have a teenager at home who has to adjust to basically being an only child.

I don't think you can predict the sibling dynamics as every family is different. Decide on whether you and your partner can cope with going from 2 to 3

You want another baby, that's all there is to it.

This isn't all there is to it. There's the financial considerations, does the house have space? Will you need a new car? Are you ready to press the reset button and have sleepless nights? Can you afford the 'baby stuff'? There's lots to consider, not just the want for another child.

Depends. Would having another DC mean that you’d have less time, money and resources for the older DC?

Do you have two of the same sex and you want one of the other?

In all honesty my parents had a third when myself and my sibling were similar ages to yours, and we didn't enjoy the experience. I get on fine with my sibling and we are close as adults but I felt quite put upon as a child - dm used to expect me to look after the toddler a lot (I was about 8-9) to give her a break and I also had to share my room which was awful as a teenager.

Is it just that you want to experience the baby stage again, or do you genuinely feel that a third child will complete your family?

I disagree with other posters that it's not a cost benefit analysis and you should "just have one". It's sensible to explore your reasons/the benefits/the downsides. What if your third had issues that would affect your other children and the time you spend with them? What about the environmental impact? There is lots to consider.

Every family is different. But my anecdotal contribution is that I resented my parents for having a third. I adored my baby sibling, but when I think of my childhood I remember how things were stretched financially and being expected to look after the youngest when I was a teen. I was always expected to be more mature and responsible and understand the constraints of finances, and while they're good traits I felt I had to grow up a bit faster than my peers. Things were very different for the youngest, both older siblings had moved out by 12th birthday and had a very different experience (and relationship with our parents). We're fairly close, but I'd be lying if I said I wasn't a bit envious of that.