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Original poster

Do you give consequences at home for behaviour at school?

35 replies

Fuckadoodledoo2 · 22/09/2021 14:50

DS, 4, week 3 of reception. No issues so far but an email from teacher yesterday (which I followed up with a phone call) to say he'd been acting really out of character, not listening, went to push another child as they had a toy he wanted and generally been a bit silly all day.

I have discussed with him,tried to understand any underlying reason and reiterated how important it is to listen to teacher/be kind to friends. As a consequence I have said no TV for two days (his fave thing) and also making a concerted effort to get him lots of sleep as he seems very tired which often has an effect on his mood.

Is this too harsh? Feels like a consequence at home is required if behaviour is bad enough that teacher is contacting me.

OP posts:

GinIronic · 22/09/2021 16:18

Too young for double punishment. By the time he gets home from school he’s forgotten what happened during the day. Is he your PFB?

ufucoffee · 22/09/2021 16:23

I'd give him a ticking off but that's it.

Original poster

Fuckadoodledoo2 · 22/09/2021 18:19

Thanks all. He'd forgotten by the evening anyway so I just didn't mention it and he's watching a bit of TV before bath time.

Interestingly I asked his teacher if she thought he needs a consequence at home and she said yes! Anyway he's had a better day today by the sounds of things so fingers crossed it continues 🤞

OP posts:

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Original poster

Fuckadoodledoo2 · 22/09/2021 18:25

This evening that should say.

Really useful feedback though, he is DC1 and has been in nursery/pre school for a long time with no issues and like his teacher said it is 'out of character' and I was torn between thinking he needed a consequence at home and thinking he actually needed a cuddle, a chat and some extra sleep. It's kind of turned into a non issue as he was so knackered yesterday he pretty much went straight to bed as had been in after school club and then today he'd forgotten and I'd read all your responses so just haven't reminded him and let him watch TV anyway. I think I just immediately went into 'supportive parent' mode wanted to back the school up and nip any issues in the bud.

OP posts:

CyclingIsNotOuting · 22/09/2021 18:28

Depends on the crime!
Something like not listening, then no, school can deal with that.
Hitting another child? Yes. That would get a punishment at home.

I wouldn’t punish a 4yr old for 2 days though.

DontPeeInThePlayHouse · 22/09/2021 18:33

God no, not at 4 and 3 weeks into a new school. So much change and new experiences/expectations. He's so little and he's communicating the only way he can, by acting out. Also at this age any punishment should be straight away, you can't drag it on they don't understand and it will just cause more upset and confusion.

If it's out of character the school should be supporting him in his transition rather than punishing as such. And definitely not suggesting you punish at home!

StopGoQuitStart · 22/09/2021 20:47

@Fuckadoodledoo2 I think you’ve down the right think in “forgetting” his fb ban. Honestly they are still tiny when they start school and it’s so much for them to cope with. I always find with mine by 3/4 weeks in they do sag as well as the initial enthusiasm for everything new wears off and it can become so tiering the routine of it all. Even when they were use to the same hours for nursery I found they were just so exhausted after school.

I don’t really have any advice re the teacher. I do find it a bit odd that she’s said he needed a consequence at home though! Especially as it seems to have been a a one-off off day. I suppose if there was actual pushing and a pattern of it so not just a one off then home/school could work in sync with consequences. It seems odd to me that she expected you to take action after one day of poorer out of character behaviour. Maybe someone with more knowledge can help you figure out how to address that with the school and if that’s normal in some places.

StopGoQuitStart · 22/09/2021 20:49

Excuse all the typos. I long for an edit button

duckme · 23/09/2021 14:10

@Fuckadoodledoo2

This evening that should say.

I'm exactly the same OP, I always wanted to prove that I supported the school and in the end, I think it caused more trouble than it's worth. What happened was that the school knew I was always instantly on 'their side' and started to call me over the most ridiculous things (so and so has had a bad listening day today...) and all it did was create stress in the home when the issue should have been dealt with at school. Yes, by all means, have a discussion about it but I would suggest that you think about the action and then decide for yourself if he needs an extra consequence at home.

GrolliffetheDragon · 23/09/2021 14:28

No, because it will have been dealt with by his teacher and I don't want to discourage DS from talking to me about what has happened in school.

We'll talk about what happened and why whatever it was is wrong though. DS has been bullied though, and sometimes was in trouble for lashing out in response.

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