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Advice please!!

7 replies

Jcav · 21/09/2021 19:35

Sorry really long post, your going to hate me but need advice and no one else i can speak to! Been with my OH for 8 years,married 2..i feel i have met my soul mate, he is perfect in every way,great husband,great dad, old fashioned prefers me to stay at home while he earns, does anything to cheer me up, buys me gifts, always makes sure he tells me im beautiful and sexy even at my worst, always tells me he loves me, even when hes at work he texts me from morning till the time he finishes even ringing on his break, takes care of me when im poorly as i have health problems,he is absolutly perfect, the problem is me! I WAS paranoid,jealous so so bad when we first met,up untill about 3-4 years ago, he nearly had a breakdown, i knew it was either stop and accept he wasnt going to ever hurt me or lose him, and i couldnt lose him at all, my past boyfriends treated me so badly and he knows they knocked every bit of confidence i have, problem is as much as i try and be the perfect wife, ironing his clothes,getting up 10 mins earlier so he has his breakfast and coffee waiting for him, make sure he has a bath ran as soon as hes in from work,his tea cooked soon as hes out the bath,compliment him,make sure he has what he needs etc, i still cant let go of the past and how badly i treated him, i also over think the future to like if we split would he actually find his true soul mate etc realise i was a bad bad mistake, i still infuritiate him and im scared that one day he will realise hes to good for me and walk, hes so so laid back he says he dont think about the past or the future he lives for today and always says it is what it is and the past is the past, i cant look forward to the future becase i always assume hes just going to leave,i overthink the past to. P.s i know he should of walked i told him loads but he wont,Someone give me advice!

OP posts:
Mmmmdanone · 21/09/2021 19:41

Your whole relationship sounds kind of intense to me. Are you actually happy with his old fashioned views? I think you could do with other things and people in your life as it seems very focused on him. Do you do anything without him?

Babyroobs · 21/09/2021 19:48

As above find something else to occupy your time instead of fawning over him ! Get a life, a job, other interests, let him make his own tea. You will both be more interesting to each other with a life outside of each other.

Jcav · 21/09/2021 20:10

I can't work due to health reasons also there isn't anyone else to take our kids to school and pick them back up..he encourages me to meet up with some high school friends but I can tell via social media we definitely wouldn't get along anymore, I had a best friend for 15 years but sadly turned to drugs,other than that I have no one, I lost my friends due to an abusive ex, I literally have no life! It's the same thing day in day out,it does get pretty lonely so he plans things also I do, to getting us out the house and doing stuff as a family, he is the only adult interaction I have sadly and I love his old fashioned ways,it's not over powering, he doesn't stop me doing anything, no controlling what so ever. It's like I just feel like a mom and a wife that's all, nothing else to me, if that makes sense, I have no hobbies no interests etc etc my whole life is around my husband and my kids.

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Fluffypastelslippers · 21/09/2021 20:16

i try and be the perfect wife, ironing his clothes,getting up 10 mins earlier so he has his breakfast and coffee waiting for him, make sure he has a bath ran as soon as hes in from work,his tea cooked soon as hes out the bath,compliment him,make sure he has what he needs etc,

Are you living in the 1800s Hmm

Jcav · 21/09/2021 20:26

Haha I guess it looks that way! I see it as he's been at work all day, it's my job as a wife to make sure he has these things, don't get me wrong if I'm poorly he takes over completely,makes sure I eat,drink, the kids are looked after,house is cleaned what not,he never ever asks me to do these things, this is purely me.

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Granllanog · 21/09/2021 21:20

Honestly.. I think you should get some counselling to work our what you want out of life. Having no friends or interests outside the home is not healthy.

Jcav · 21/09/2021 21:22

So you don't think I'm the worst person over all :(

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