Y8 DD possibly returning to school after long absence

[iknowihavemessedup]

NC.
I know I have messed up massively and I am doing everything I can to remedy things. I'll try to be brief but please understand there's a massive backstory and lots of issues at play.
DD has just turned 13 and should be in Y8. She is not, because at some point in Y7 she was having issues with another kid at school, massive meltdowns at home, started refusing to go to school, so we took her out of that school and enrolled her in another. Except then the second lockdown happened and she didn't really get a lot of time at her new school, never managed to get to know anyone, and the whole thing was just a hot mess.

We have now realised that we should have dealt with her issues at school 1 differently, because she is now being assessed for ASC. Basically we have made a horrendous mistake and as a result my DD has not attended school for ages.

There's now an opportunity that school 1 might take her back. Whilst DD wants to be back in that school, she cannot move past 'but all the students will ask me questions' narrative, and I would like to help her move passed that. I would like to create with her some cards with questions and possible answers, but I am genuinely stomped myself as to how to respond to other students' curiosity of course without lying. (e.g. why did you leave, why are you back, where have you been, what happened at school 2, etc etc etc)

I know the school's senco should help, but this is not happening and even if it did, DD won't engage with her or anything to do with school2. School1 won't engage just yet as she's not on roll with them, but they will once she is (no idea when this will be).

Any help or signposting to resources would be dearly appreciated.

It's a good idea to equip her with phrases (she might be willing to practice with you pretending to be a friend at school). It would also be ideal if her class teacher could ask the class not to ask questions and remind them to be kind and sensitive.

I would suggest her saying something like "I had some problems with my health/mental health but I don't like to talk about it."

I’m sure someone will come and help on what to say. But I wondered how has her learning been since she missed school - what might help her so that school isn’t so alien is getting an idea of some topics/curriculum and starting to read up on what she’s missed

Luckily we don't need to worry about what she's missed academically as she has easily caught up. It's the emotional and social aspects that I need to support her with.

Probably a naive answer but if she’s asked could she not just say “I went to x school for a bit but didn’t like it, missed my friends here and so I’m back 😏, what’s the goss, what have I missed?”

People love talking about themselves, if she gives a bit of an answer but then turns it around to get the others talking about themselves, hopefully they’ll all just move on.

If someone does persist and asks “why did you go to x school though?” She can just say, my parents thought it would be better for me but they were wrong.

@MimiSunshine, I love the angle you've given it, thank you so much. I did not think of those at all. DD won't have the skills to turn things around with sophistication as her social skills are an issue, but she can certainly practise smiling and saying something short and sweet like 'it just didn't work out'.

Oh I missed you all too much and school said I could come back so I have

I’d go for “I missed this school so my parents said I could come back” rather than “it didn’t work out” as the later might invite questions about why.
But yes to “I moved because my parents thought it’d be better for me”

I understand what a stressful situation this must be for you all and why you're concerned but I do think you're over thinking it a bit. DS is in year 8, there's been so many kids in his school who have changed schools, who don't attend, who attend but then take refuge with the pastoral team, ones who have said they're leaving but haven't plus the drama of covid. I would imagine after the first day no one will really give it anymore thought. Just a breezy, 'yeh I decided I prefer this school' will do it. Year 7 is a big transition and lots of kids move about it. Beat of luck and don't beat yourself up over it, you weren't to know that they've wouldn't be the right thing to do, you made the best decision for your daughter at the time with the information you had.

Wow I think I need to go back to school after reading all those typos!!

I think your DD will benefit from 'rehearsing' some possible questions/answers. I do this with DS when he's anxious, google social stories and you might get some ideas. Good luck!