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Original poster

Does anyone meet a partner "in real life" as opposed to online nowadays?

16 replies

Rosewaterblossom · 20/09/2021 20:01

I'm recently single the last few months. Not quite ready to date yet but my history is I met my ex dh through work in 2005, were together for 10 years. Then met my ex via old in 2016 and recently split.

I hate the idea of old again. Is meeting in "real life" a thing of the past or is it all online now? I'm mid/late 30s so not one to be out at bars etc and I work in a mostly female environment so no joy in meeting anyone via work.

OP posts:
Peppapigforlife · 20/09/2021 20:05

Meetup.com? Groups, other get togethers? İ think you need a hobby and you'll find someone like minded. Or even if you make new groups of friends and they introduce you to someone. İ met quite a few of my previous partners out and about, just got chatting on a bus or whilst walking a dog etc and grew from there.

StylishMummy · 20/09/2021 20:05

Myself and nearly all of my friends met our partners online in some guise. The few people I know who didn't meet online either met at work or were already friends/family friends

PermanentTemporary · 20/09/2021 20:06

Getting proactive and joining clubs is a cliche because it often works.

Interested in this thread?

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Dating General relationships
Original poster
Rosewaterblossom · 20/09/2021 20:08

Which sites did you meet on? I met my previous dp on pof but dread going on there again. It was OK at 31 but at nearly 37 I'm just not up for dickheads!

OP posts:
Hawkins001 · 20/09/2021 20:08

Personally, I prefer real life meeting people, yes the internet gives you more of a range, but anyone can appear at their best online and talking and texting, I prefer to build the friendship and see day to day what makes them tick, how they are with different situations, how they hold up with how they present themselves, if they have a cover identity how confident do they keep to the identity, or does the mask slip ect.

RedMarauder · 20/09/2021 20:17

I met my DP through OLD but but some of the guys I was dating before I either met randomly in rl e.g. on a bus or through friends.

I actually know a handful of people who were doing OLD but actually met their partners in rl by random chance e g. pub. Some of them were in the same OLD site as each other and clearly have the same interests but never matched.

OLD just makes you more confident in talking to strangers.

Oh and if you join clubs/meetup.com make sure it's stuff more men are interested in than women. (Or get a decent sized dog and walk it when and where everyone else in your area does.)

HereForThis · 20/09/2021 21:09

@Hawkins001

Personally, I prefer real life meeting people, yes the internet gives you more of a range, but anyone can appear at their best online and talking and texting, I prefer to build the friendship and see day to day what makes them tick, how they are with different situations, how they hold up with how they present themselves, if they have a cover identity how confident do they keep to the identity, or does the mask slip ect.
You can still do all these after you've met someone online. It's not 'hello online', then into bed and marriage, is it?

Meeting someone in a bar, club or hobby group isn't any different really because they could still be putting up a front. Most do.

Online is just another avenue to meet a wider range of people, not the only way. And the same precautions and processes you'd take if you met in offline apply. You still need to get to know them.

ShaneTheThird · 20/09/2021 21:18

Exactly this. Online or in real life they could still be putting on an act.

Hobbies, meet up groups and uni or hanging out in bars. Many people do online date now so it's harder to meet someone not online but not impossible.

DressedUpAtAnIvy · 20/09/2021 21:21

I married someone I met in real life ten years ago. I tried online dating but it was too much like online shopping for me.
That year was one of two ‘years of yes’ I’ve had in my life during which I accepted every invitation and went to any activity or meetup I saw that even vaguely appeared. That’s how we ended up pretending to be in love on stage three nights a week and then stopped pretending. Harder to do during COVID but I think it’s the mindset that counts.

bakingdemon · 20/09/2021 21:28

Was set up on a blind date by a mutual friend. It can happen. Put the word out to all your friends that you want to meet someone, give them your shortlist of criteria and ask them to set you up.

Palavah · 20/09/2021 21:32

I met my partner in real life through a shared hobby but it was 2 years before i considered anything romantic with him.

I met plenty of great guys through OLD including 2 boyfriends and 2 who became friends. I agree with a PP you still get to know someone.

MrsPsmalls · 20/09/2021 21:35

Ds26 has never done OLD. Some GFS came via uni, then friends of friends, then via work. His school friend has just married someone he met at church and another is engaged to a co-worker from the vodaphone shop. So real life meetings still happen all the time.

BlueMoons90 · 20/09/2021 21:41

I met my DP in real life. I asked if I could sit at his table at a coffee shop as there was no other seats free and he was alone. We had a little chat, I left thought nothing more if it. Then a week later, at the same coffee shop, he was there and we spoke properly and he asked for my number. That was 7 years ago so still very much in the age of online dating.

I have friends who have recently met people both IRL and OLD. There doesn't seem to be any difference between how their relationships progress etc, just that maybe they know a bit more about the person they're dating before they actually meet if they met OLD.

cigarettesanddisappointment · 20/09/2021 21:49

Oh god, I hope so! I've been single for a few years and have just decided that I'd actually like to meet someone - OLD is horrid; the same conversations rehashed over and over again and seemingly nobody has an actual personality! The last time I dated I was in my mid-20s and it was reasonably easy to meet people "organically", I'm now fast approaching 40 and it seems to be really bloody difficult.

CaribouCarafe · 20/09/2021 21:52

Not personally able to speak about the current dating scene, but some of my mates have still managed to find partners at pubs/clubs/hobby groups over the past few years although admittedly the majority are finding their partners through online dating.

I met my DH 7 years ago at a ceilidh, which was weirdly old-fashioned!

Maybe get out and about more, join some new hobby groups etc and hope for the best?

lastqueenofscotland · 20/09/2021 21:58

I sort of met my DP online sort of through work.
We work in the same industry and we’re working for the same client and I sent him some really shirty emails Blush. A couple of months later he saw my name and job title on my profile (very male industry so wouldn’t be loads) and said if you’re who I think you are I think you owe me a pint…
The rest is history. Smile

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