Please some advice thank you

[LovingGirl]

'm really torn and don't know what to do, keep changing my mind. Normally strong and confident but can't think straight.

My ex-boyfriend (we parted 7 years ago but have stayed in touch on and off) has come back into my life. It started as laughing about old times, he now has a partner and child of 6. I am a loving person and happy for him that he is a father although he is very unhappy and is being treated for MH problems, he cries a lot and seems confused himself.

He is contacting me more and more now and coming to see me. I am 32 now and I am hoping to meet someone for my own future and family.

He says that he want to leave his partner but Ive said that is hard for me to support him with. I am Spanish and in my own family you must always put your child first.

The problem is that i am beginning to remember how good my time with him was but I will not go back to that with him in this situation.

I don't want to tell him not to contact me any more and leave him with no support because he really seems depressed and lost. But I don't think it is doing him good to think that he has a chance with me.

What shall I do?

You do need to cut him off.

He thinks he stands a chance of getting back with you and that isn’t helping him deal with his situation at home or face his mental health problems.

Without you to lean on he will have to get professional help for his feelings and that will help him a lot more than off loading on you.

Stop reminiscing with him. You are exs for a reason. He's contacting you because he's unhappy with his own life. Its not your responsibility to make him happy or get him help.

Cut ties.

He is contacting me more and more now and coming to see me

Does his partner know? Somehow I doubt it.

He doesn't need support to leave his partner from someone who has a romantic interest in him (although he'll obviously think he does).

If he has mental health issues and is unhappy with his partner, the best thing you can do for him is put him in touch with MH charities who may be able to help and the back all the way off.

Thanks you to all replies.

I agree and he is getting MH help but he seems to be getting worse.

I dont know if his partner knows he has seen me she has just started a job and he seems to be contacting me more now.

I am going to have to tell him not to see me any more but I am so worried about him.

i cant be part of him hurting his family though.

Really thank you to everyone for your ideas.

It's not your job to fix him. You are falling into the trap of rescuing him and he is luring you into that trap.
Cut the contact. To be blunt, he did OK without you for 7yrs, I think he cope fine no matter what he tells you. If he's crying a lot he needs to see his GP.
Don't fool yourself into thinking you have special helping powers.
You are not helping him or yourself by getting involved. That child's Dad is making moves on another woman.

Eye roll at his 'my partner doesnt understand' bollocks

He’s giving you the script.

he says that he is bitter bc he didnt want a child and she got pregnant. His child has autism and I told him he needs father support.

He is so different now he used to work and be happy with friends and now is on his own. I am sad for him but you are all right. I must say no more now.

he didnt want a child and she got pregnant
Presumably he consented to unprotected sex with this evil, conniving, wilfully fertile minx, poor little chap.
Tough love means never having to say you're sorry for booting his whingeing arse out of your life.

Keep contact low from now on and please do not agree to meet him; tell him you can't cope with his inappropriate suggestions, you're not available, and remind him he has a partner and is a father. See if that changes how he messages you; it might but if it doesn't, block him.

I don't know why you think you are this man's only support. He is likely to latch on to other women online.

Please concentrate on finding someone special for yourself.

Wake up, op. He is playing you for a fool and is after a shag, nothing more. He's a cheating, lying, scumbag who you should ignore and block, not entertain his pathetic advances.

Put your own needs first. This isn’t going to end well and you will get hurt. He has a partner and a child and the relationship you had isn’t available to you now. Instead, think how much love and joy your next relationship will bring. Realise the hood parts of that relationship are what you hope to have with someone else.

Wake up @LovingGirl!

He is spinning you all the oldest stories in the world, and you are believing him! He didn’t want a child and she got pregnant, didn’t he know what causes babies???

If you carry on with this it will all end in tears, and they will be your tears. Stop all contact with him. He is manipulating you, so if you only reduce or limit contact, he will soon increase it again, stopping all contact with him will be safest for you.

Run for the hills, and don’t look back!

Cut him off now before you get more invested.

So much thanks to you all, it is like talking to friends. I know now I am telling him I cant see him any more. I really want to meet someone for my own future, you are right.

It is just strange and hard to see the way hes changed and how he is now. I dont like the way he seems not interested in his family and i do think he is depressed but he is having treatment and I cant solve that.

I cant talk to ppl I work with they are students so I am thankful to everyone.

Bendiciones xxx

You are better off without this charmer lovinggirl.

So he's stressed and depressed because his son has autism and he didn't want him in the first place.

You dodged a bullet with that one. Let him get on with his life and you live yours.