How to get a social life whilst in a relationship?

[Battlingongraciously]

I would love to get a social life for myself. My partner just wants to sit in front of the tv. Basically we share the same house, that's it.

What can I do to get out and make friends?

Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated.

A hobby?

A walking group? Or a meet up foe a coffee.

If you join NextDoor you can meet with local people for a coffee.

nextdoor.co.uk

My hobby is gardening. The next door idea is good, but I wouldn't want people coming to.me, my partner is very controlling.

Hopefully the forum will give me more ideas. I don't have any family to speak of and I haven't got any children. Also I don't work.

I contacted a local group a few weeks ago, but I've had no real.response, it took courage to try and ask for help, so I was really hurt that they just didn't care.

Meetup, I found my book club through this:), meet once a month, discuss a book for a bit, then just chat.
Parkrun, on Sat mornings, you don’t have to run, you can just walk and chat, there will be volunteers there to walk with you.
Your partner being controlling is not ok, you know that, don’t you?

Get a job? Not meant in a nasty way, but being at home all the time with a controlling partner won’t be good for you. Unless there are health reasons you can’t work.

I’d be fine focussing on leaving a “very controlling” partner then, once you have your freedom start to build a life for yourself.

Sorry no idea where “fine” came from!

I wonder if you're really asking - under all the fear - whether you can leave him, OP.

Park run is a good idea, as is Meetup. You can join Meetup for free and scroll through. My book club and my hiking group are on there.

My book club is women only and they also organise theatre and cinema trips between the monthly meet-ups.

I go hiking on days when DP has DD, so maybe once or twice a month. Park run is easier to manage as I'm only out for about 2.5 hours. The exercise makes me feel better but I mainly go for the coffee and chat afterwards 😀.

The coffee thing with Next door is not having a offer around your house but arranging to meet people at a local coffee shop or cafe.

I don't read and I don't walk! But thanks anyway.

I can't understand how people get so personal on these threads, it's almost like it's a licence to be outspoken.

Perhaps all those who seem to offer me advice on how to just 'leave' a relationship, like it's a 10 minute job should look at why they seem to think they can say so!!!!!!

Perhaps a forum creates a 'safe' place for them to be able to 'vent' their own issues.

Manners cost nothing, just share ideas that may help me, leave anything else out, unless I specifically ask for help.

Have you thought about volunteering? I've made some good friends doing that which has led to a book /gin club and days and nights out. My DH is very content to stay at home but I'm not. I go to the gym /classes, meet friends for lunch etc.

OP, I mean this in the most gentlest of ways, but who are 'all these people suggesting you leave him'. The comment I saw hedged the idea in a gentle way which I read as caring more than anything. If you've said that your OP is controlling, to the extent that you can't have people around, then posters are going to be concerned about that and suggest there are options. They're not saying it's easy or a quick move. Just making you aware that it's a possibility if you don't want to remain in such a situation forever.

What do you think you might be interested in? There'll probably be a group somewhere. Local history, arts and crafts, learning a new language, knitting, volunteering for a charity, working as a fundraiser? Start from that point. Local colleges often have night classes and it's the time of year that things start.

Yes, I looked into volunteering, but I just couldn't see anything in my area. I will look again now.

@Battlingongraciously

There are thousands of interest groups on Meetup. There may be gardening related ones but I've never looked for those.

Volunteering.

Get an allotment.

Fitness classes.

Join Meet Up and see what groups are in your area.

Also a lot of the walking groups do flat 5 milers in the evenings - they are more of a chat and a stroll.

The National Trust might be a good place to start given your interest in gardening? Is there a hospice close by that you can help in the gardens or a residential care home environment?

I know people who have made friends through allotments.

No one should be in a controlling relationship though OP, that's why people are trying to help.

There’s an app called “hey Vina” which is a like tinder but for women only, seeking friendship. I’ve had it a few months and have chatted with a few women and been on a couple of meet-ups organised from it. Brunch was one and evening drinks another.

I made friends in a WI group. As well as the monthly meetings, we go out for dinners together every month or so. It's good fun.

I did look at an allotment, but ours are too concealed and keep getting robbed. I wouldn't feel safe there on my own.

I will look at meet up now.

Next door sounds good.

Just a quick one, but have you tried community gardens op, I've just joined one. Its brilliant. I'm in a situation like yours too x

Is there a reason you don’t work OP? I ask just because it may help give some direction on ideas for you.

Ways people often make friends:

Work - a big one

Volunteering - you may have to be proactive, speak to people in places of interest rather than relying on places advertising. If you don’t mind kids then helping with toddler groups, reading at schools etc might be an option but would require a CRB. Libraries?

Church - you don’t have to be a fervent Christian, many people go for the social side. Gives you an immediate community and a structured time and place. Also will have lots of volunteering opportunities eg gardening in church grounds, serving coffee after service, helping at events etc.

Sports clubs, particularly team sports eg hockey

Courses if you could do some study

Book clubs - you say you don’t read and maybe you don’t for fun but could you if it would enable you to take part?

I've met friends through work, volunteering, cat fostering and mums on school run. I volunteer to do the admin once a week at my local charity so met some new people. I'm also trying to fit in a Foodbank slot so that's another way to meet new people.

Have you meet people through work/hobbies previously? Is getting a job an option as that will automatically widen your social network. Or starting a college course? I know you said you don't read, does that mean you can't read or reading isn't a hobby? Again, you mentioned that you don't walk so does that mean you can't due to a mobility issue or just that joining a walking group doesn't interest you.

Are you estranged from your family as your social network sounds very small.