Are you looking forward to your kids growing up?

[41sunnydays]

Firstly I love / adore my kids but we absolutely put them first at the moment which may be the issue.

I was chatting to my DH last night about holidays etc and I asked him if he was looking forward to the kids growing up ( being 18) we can leave them and do our own thing, like holidays and travel together. He said no he loves them being children and doesn't want them growing up. I was surprised as I said I can't wait for us to get back to having our life together. This is probably because I hate doing much without them like dates as I know the children also love weekends away and eating out. Our last wedding anniversary lunch we booked a nice restaurant and then felt sorry for eldest being home alone so we took him with us!

We have three children Eldest is 15 and youngest is 5 and I love them and spending time with but I've been parenting for 15 years and I miss my relationship with my DH and our independence. I'm bored of the constant homework, sorting out uniforms, packed lunches, clubs etc. Worrying about bed times, teeth washing etc It feels non stop and although I am lucky in that my DH does more than his
share of house / children work, I guess as I work full time life is just exhausting.

My kids are amazing and we have various discussions about extending our house incase they can't afford to buy there own house to give each more privacy etc so I really don't want them to move out, but OMG am I looking forward to being a couple again and being able to go away for a week and stay in bed all day if that's what we choose

Just curious does anyone else feel like this

Mine are aged between 11 and 15 so youngest has just started secondary.

I would say that until recently I was like you and looking forward to them growing up and having more time for myself / me and DH.

But now youngest has started secondary and they all get the bus to school so I'm finally free from the school run, and DH and I can go out together without needing to organise babysitting, I'm wanting time to slow down!

I feel similar to you op. Even to the point you say about going out for a meal atm... it would be weird not to take them with us.

My dc are 8 and 12. 12 year old is gaining more and more independence and I give him the choice to join us if we go out for a couple of hours. If it’sa full day outing then he has no choice but to come.

We are an active family, love hill walking and mountain biking.... the kids do too. But!!! I am looking forward to when they’re old enough to do bigger/stronger rides! Ds is nearly there.

No. Our eldest is almost 18, youngest is also a teen. I love being around them, they’re great company but they also spend time with friends and in their rooms so there’s already time for us to be a couple. We both love life with the kids though, and our dogs, we’re just enjoying it, not wishing it away. I think it’s quite sad to do that. We’re both not really people that need attention from one another though or feel this ‘getting back to being a couple’ thing. It just happens naturally for us.

We've had quite a lot of help from family so have been able to have quite a lot of time to ourselves and long weekends away. Oldest is 13 now, youngest 10, so we can leave them alone for a couple of hours to do things locally.

I'm not nostalgic for them being tiny, but have realised we may only have another 2 summers of holidays as a whole family as oldest might start going off with mates after she turns 16.

Youngest will fingers crossed have a 7-10 days residential trip this summer for end of Y6 so DH and I are planning on an extended trip away while he's gone, and oldest can stay with grandparents or uncles locally and take herself to school.

I think everybody looks forward to the next milestone of a child’s development but anything beyond that point is theoretical. So if you have a wide spread of ages each child is at a different point of the journey and parenting them is a mix of expectations.

DC1 is away at university and DC2 (15) is in high school. We’re already saying things like “When you leave for University…” (although the university here offers a lot), teaching money and
household skills (€5 for every meal cooked, served and washed up!).

There’s also DH’s retirement looming, when he’ll have to learn a new role in society and the family which won’t include parenting so much.

So yes, we’re looking forward to a new era and certainly want them to gain independence while still knowing they’re always welcome.
DC1 is invited on family holidays (accepts maybe 1/3, who wouldn’t?) and came to us for the first lockdown, so ties are still there.

Adult kids are awesome...
I loved the baby years, found the key stage 2/3 a bit tedious at times, went grey during the tough teen stages and then... boom.. 4 wonderful adults... as loving and fabulous as they were as tiny children but no longer going 'Muuuuuum' every two minutes

(Ok the youngest does but he has autism !) I thought I'd be sad when mine grew up but we still have the great relationships, just more freedom. My life is slightly more 'permanently on call' because my 24 yr old won't ever be independent, but we still have much more freedom than we did, and the others have independent lives but are still very close to us emotionally, if not always physically!

And then you get to be Granny which is even MORE fab... all the best bits and none of the night wake ups !!! Nothing is more beautiful than seeing your own child become a Mum (or Dad) and suddenly they realise how much you love them, when they have their own baby in their arms.... :)

@DDUW

No. I'll not see them once they have left so it makes me sad.

Why would you not see then when they grow up?

Yes definitely

I really don't want them to go away, I think I am ready for another relationship with them, and my DH and I get zero time together. Youngest has anxiety so sleeps with us. So even a night away together is stressful as she is so worked up about being apart, to the point we often don't bother.

I guess as eldest is more independent it's nice how we have a different relationship. He's capable of sorting himself out, but we do activities together like gym or swimming and watching films or cooking together.

I think it's probably that we are on the third time of doing child things, I have booked aprox 14 years of Father Christmas trips for example, taken them to countless activities and school parties, etc. It's been 15 yrs of non stop parenting! And hace at least another 10 to go

Don't wish it away.

Ours are early 20s and both live away and work.

It's been awful during the pandemic and one we didn't see for 18 months.