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Tell me your experiences of parenting 12yos embarking on their first attempts at "dating"

5 replies

SinoohXaenaHide · 17/09/2021 19:54

Help me keep my cool as 12yo DS (year 8) embarks on dating. My little baby boy has all grown up and has asked the girl he likes to go out with him for a hot chocolate at a nearby Costa after school one day next week and she's said yes.

I have no idea how to be a good mum to a youngster in this situation. I didn't start dating till I was at university, so I am not familiar with the range of awful mistakes parents make during this time.

No idea to what extent I should back right off and expect him to sink or swim with what he knows already, vs giving helpful tips and advise. He actually has pretty poor social skills and so do I (family trait we are all either diagnosed or borderline ASD) so I am kind of shocked he has made it this far. I am as much terrified of putting my foot in it and word getting around that his mum is totally bonkers as much as anything (I won't be involved in this first date but don't really know what might happen next). But he does have a bit of a tendancy to tell people more than they ever needed to know about minecraft, or ancient norse myths, until their eyes glaze over, and then gets out his phone or a book to look at instead of talking when he has had enough interaction. He has found out that the thing she is most interested in is ponies and so he is researching the topic.

OP posts:
Scotlass · 17/09/2021 20:06

Aww I think he sounds just great - he's managed to arrange a date and she's said yes. Think most boys at 12 have a pretty similar theme of conversation.

Can't offer you any advice I'm afraid. My wee guy at 12yrs isn't interested in dating yet. DD had her heart broken when she was 16yrs by her first love and now 22years of age is still a bit wary of getting too involved but is older and wiser from the experience and looking for second love of her life (no one measuring up yet)

MitfordBlisters · 17/09/2021 20:48

Offer to pay; practice good table manners; and most importantly, ask her open questions and listen to the answers. That’s the basis of most dating, I suppose?

Autumngoldleaf · 17/09/2021 22:32

Is it a date or just a friend date?

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Bumpsadaisie · 17/09/2021 22:45

Your lad is 12 and has managed to ask a girl he likes out.

I think he is doing really well on his own!

I would just facilitate and encourage ... until such time as you need a serious talk about sex, consent, conception and all that kind of thing ... probably not there yet!

Bumpsadaisie · 17/09/2021 22:47

Tell him to make sure he is nice and clean!

When my son was a little boy complaining about washing, DH used to tell him he would never get a girlfriend if he was not showered with clean teeth.

I think it went in as he is now 10 and and quite diligent about his self care Grin

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