Feel like I've lost myself

[GingerPCatt]

I feel like a drudge just taking care of everyone else and I'm bored with my life as the support human. I do work and I enjoy it, but I need something outside of that. I need to find something that makes me feel like my own person again - and hopefully a fun person. DH called me a joy sucker today and I cried as I totally am. I think I've forgotten how to have fun.

I don't really have any hobbies. I say I like reading, but really I just faff around on MN and Facebook. I used to like to cook, but it feels like such a chore right now. I watch shit on TV, but no one else will watch it with me so I just feel alone.

I feel like I'm killing time until death (I def don't want to die anytime soon) and I need something to make me feel more alive.

I'm not really sure what I'm after here... just reassurance that I'm not alone. Maybe ideas for what I can do? I am totally shit at actually starting anything new though - which doesn't help my mind set.

I’m sure lots feel the way you do, and there’s loads of ways to approach the feeling but the main thing that helped me anyway was noticing what I felt more even just generally.

Sounds stupid or too simple on it’s own maybe but when you aren’t sure what you like imo it’s because we can get so busy we don’t have time to notice how a task, programme, thread, activity etc really makes us feel.

I wouldn’t have said I liked sewing as it was always a ‘task’ or part of a job, but I started to notice that I was feeling cross at sewing only at the beginning of it, but by the end I was feeling really good.

When I tried just sewing something for the sake of it I really enjoyed it and of course now see I was only cross at having yet more stuff to do - not the sewing itself.

That’s how I’ve been discovering new things to try anyway, I don’t always keep at any particular thing that regularly either because I also found I associate sewing/crochet with colder months so don’t really bother in the summer and I prefer it when the house is quiet just me and the cats.

And like another thread an hour in the shower for when I a) need a shower & b) have the house to myself so have an hour, or even luckier a few hours! because the feeling of not being rushed and having the luxury of time and space is often enough to change my whole mood

The latter mightn’t be a hobby as such it is but it’s that time for yourself that can give you a bit more headspace for ideas.