I just feel a bit lost. Please help.

[MsAnnThropic]

Hi,

I know this is a lovely problem to have, but I am now ina position where all of my children are at school, and I have 1-2 days off a week to myself.

The thing is I am totally lost. I have either been at work or have had a pre schooler at home for a decade and I just don't know who I am or what to do with myself.

I have zero motivation on my days off and I find myself just sitting around or cleaning, and then feeling resentful and down at the end of the day.

I suspect I'm a bit depressed. I have this lovely opportunity to work on myself, but I just don't know where to even think about beginning.

Any suggestions/ advice/ practical ideas would be really really welcome.

Thank you if you've got this far.

Do you have any interests or anything you're good at but haven't really pursued? Any subject your particularly interested in? Have you got any spare money to start a course?

DD1 has just started school, still have DD2 off with me but can totally understand where you're coming from. Is such a huge change for you.

Thank you for replying. It is very much appreciated. I haven't really spoken to anyone about it, because I feel a bit pathetic.

I think that's some of the problem. I don't really know who I am, or what I'm into anymore. I had my first when I was pretty youngish, having just moved to a brand new area. I didn't really have a network or a very active social life, so I just ploughed everything into the children. And now I'm stuck.

Volunteer work, at least until you find your feet?
Could get you out of the house at least, and the volunteer section of our local papers are always full of people who need help of one sort or another.
Might help with possible depression, and at least you wont feel as if you have been unproductive.
Plus if you do eventually want to go back to work, it wont harm your CV to have up to date volunteering mentioned on it.

It's strange isn't it. I'd get along to the library to see what events are going on and grab some books at the same time
Have a lovely walk around your new area without having to count cars and see how many cats you see
Things get better slowly, it just takes time to adjust to being you again
I couldn't remember how to blow dry my own hair, it had been that long, so you are probably ahead of me

first of all you should remember that you don't have to always be doing stuff. You don't have to be always productive or busy or justifying your time or your existence. There is the possiblity that you simply don't want to do much of anything right now, and that's ok. The bad feeling could be guilt because you think you "should" be doing something.

Other than that, start small. Do something, anything at all, that makes you feel good, whatever that might be. Move on from there.

How about spending some time working on fitness and mindfulness? I find just going for a run gives me a really clear head and able to think with clarity, and then off the back of that I always seem to be able to come up with ideas etc.

It might not be up your street though.

Thanks all. It's nice to know others can relate!

@lightand I probably didn't make myself clear in my garbled OP. I work for the NHS. It's 1 or 2 days a week I have off (now without children)... I think that's part of it. By the time Friday comes around I'm so knackered, I just feel like I've lost my mojo!

@manifestDestinee I think that you've hot the nail on the head... It is very much linked to guilt that I haven't filled the day.

@Letsallscreamatthesistene I like that idea, do you have any top tips for getting started when you've lost all motivation?

@TheCatHasNoMat that sounds nice actually... A little mooch to the library!

I dragged myself into the garden this afternoon to do some weeding etc. I felt a bit better for it.

Do you want to exercise ? If so, find a class/join a gym and make it become a habit to go.
Go shopping for a mooch. Go to B&M, Lidl etc and enjoy browsing. Don’t be embarrassed to have a coffee on your own, I do .

Well I find it really helps me if I want to go where im going running. So near me there are some really nice woods that I like to walk in with my son, and i'll quite often run there. I also dont put any pressure on myself, just go for a slow plod and let myself rest when I want. The aim is to get out of the house, not for 'fitness'. Tbh even if you went for a walk it'd be great. Being out in the fresh air is well known for being excellent for wellbeing.

I have an absolute passion for knitting and crocheting, both of which I taught myself off you tube tutorials. Perhaps rake up a hobby like that,? Or painting or drawing? Things that you can sit down and do when you're tired from your job, and you can pick up and put down whenever you fancy.

I do shift work & love going to the cinema on weekday mornings or afternoons, it's less busy & cheaper then too

I'm in a sort of similar place and find it helps to have one thing to do every day, such as swimming or going out for lunch (by myself, with my kindle, I love it!). The rest of the day I just mooch with Netflix.